Behind Closed Doors

Chapter 1 - The Way We Are.

2009-08-02T04:40:00.001-04:00

Disclaimer: I do not own anything Twilight related. Only the plot.

The italics are Bella's actual thoughts.

Bella POV

Thank God this day is over! These patients families have really worked my nerves today. It was finally seven o'clock and I was on my way home from a long twelve hour shift. My back and my feet were throbbing.

I work as a nurse in the ICU for the local hospital here in East Point, Georgia.
I've been an RN for 4 years now. I love my job, most of the time. It's rewarding to know that I can help people during the worst time of their lives. I've always wanted to help people and this was the best career for that.

I reached over and grabbed my purse. I rifled through it in the passenger seat and I picked up my cell to call Emmett. We've been dating for a few years and have lived together for about a year and ninety five percent of the time it works. Of course, nothing is perfect and all relationships have issues. We are no exception.

I dialed his number and was entertained by the sounds of Maxwell's This Woman's Work while waiting on him to answer. Sweet huh?

“Hey baby. What's up?” He said sounding frustrated and tired.

“Just got on the highway. Be home in about twenty minutes. You home already?”

“Yeah. Just got here a few minutes ago.”

“OK. I'll be there soon. Love you.” Trying to sound enthusiastic.

“I love you too. See you in a few.” Then I heard him hang up the phone. I closed my phone and set it in the cup holder.

I reached over to my iPod and started shuffling through the songs trying to find the perfect song that would make me feel stress free. Here it is. I love this stupid song. I pressed play and cranked up the volume. It was Madonna's Star Light Star Bright. It's such a cheesy song but I can't help singing along. And sing loud! My singing really sounds terrible but when I'm in the car alone it doesn't matter.

Em is a very attractive man. He's tall, muscular, kind eyes, warm smile, dark curly hair. It's like they always say though 'looks aren't everything' but I love him more than I ever thought I would love a man. I haven't had many serious relationships in my life. I know he loves me but I wonder just how much he loves me and if it's enough to last. Only time will tell.

At first, Em and I couldn't get enough of each other. It felt as if there was this cosmic force that drew us together. If we weren't at work, we were together. It didn't matter where it was or what we were doing. We could even be doing laundry and as long as we were together it was fun. After a couple years, things just kind of got comfortable. The newness and excitement began to wear off. The butterflies in my stomach I once felt just by looking at him eventually vanished. The sex is good when he puts effort into it but even it's not what it used to be.

Our sex life was so exciting in the beginning. We would do it everywhere. Cars, balconies, movie theaters, friends houses, bathrooms. It was that cosmic force that we couldn't deny. I never had a problem reaching my climax, until we moved in together. I don't know if it's because I have to look at him all day everyday or what but getting me to climax is so much harder these days.

Finally I was home. Thank God! I'm so tired.

“Hey baby.” I heard him say as I walked in the door.

“Hey sweetie. How was your day?” I asked him trying to sound interested.

He let out a deep sigh and said “It was alright. I'm just tired of having to do all the work around there. It's like I'm the only one that actually shows up and does their job. This shit is getting old!” Wow! More bitching. You hate your job. Big freaking shocker! If you would have some ambition and go back to school you could get a job that you didn't hate.

I released a small sigh and said “I know babe. I'm sorry. It's always the people that actually work who get stepped on by the lazy folks.” Can we please talk about something else now? I can't take much more of your bitching everyday about the same shit.

Emmett was sitting on the couch drinking a beer. The first beer of many, I'm sure. If he followed his regular routine he would drink about six before he went to bed.
Problem number one.

While I was cooking dinner, I couldn't help but glare over to him sitting on the couch playing his Xbox. Really? Are you fucking five years old again? Do something around here instead of playing games. I'm not your servant.

I'm no saint but he drinks everyday, no matter what. Then he passes out on the couch and doesn't even come to bed. Problem number two.

If I wanted to sleep by myself every night I would've never moved in with him.
After I cooked dinner, I sat down next to Em on the couch to eat and watch one of our favorite shows, House of Payne. Curtis is so funny that you can't help but laugh at him.

Once the show was over, I looked over at Em and noticed he was still drinking. God! Can't you take one night off??? Sitting there in his t-shirt and work pants with a beer in one hand and the other hand on his groin. Classic.

I tried to loosen the muscles in my face before I said “Em, how many beers have you had tonight?” The whole 12 pack probably. I was attempting to sound like the concerned girlfriend and not a bitch. I wasn't sure how well it was working.

He turned his face towards me with furrowed brows and creases in his forehead. “I don't know Bella. Four maybe. Damn! What difference does it make?”

“I'm just wondering. It seems like you are drinking a lot lately. Like you can't do anything outside of work unless you have a beer in your hand.” Oh and the sex sucks when you are drunk! I couldn't use that card yet. Although, I really wanted to. If I used that it meant there was going to be a war in this house.

He raised up off of the couch and turned his whole body towards me and said “Bella, what the fuck? I work hard all day to help support us and I can't come home and have a few beers? This is bullshit!” He threw his hands up in the air like he was confused.

I have a short temper and I don't deal well with people yelling at me. So I snapped.....

“No, what's bullshit is the fact that sex with you sucks when you're drunk!" Yep, I brought out the big dogs with that comment. "You don't put any effort into it and you just wanna lay there and shove your dick inside me like I'm a fucking rag doll. Why do you think I want to have sex right when we get home? At least then you put enough effort into it to make me orgasm!” My whole face was tense by this point but I managed to remain seated. I knew that was hitting below the belt but he needed to know the truth.

At this point Emmett was staring me down as if he were about to morph into a bear and tear me to shreds. I could see by his reaction that I had struck a nerve with what I had just said. Oh shit! Maybe I went too far with that one.

I kept my eyes locked on his face while his breathing quickened. I could almost see the wheels turning in his head.

“Fuck you Bella! If my sex isn't good enough for you, there are plenty of other women ready and willing to take your place." He was now pacing around the living room. Using his hands to emphasize his points. "So you just say the word and you don't have to worry about me or my dick anymore. Is that what you want Bella?”He put his hands on his hips and tapped his foot, waiting on my answer.

Are you kidding? Other women waiting? Go ahead! Those hoes are not going to be as good to you as I am. You have it made and need to realize it and fast!

As I got to my feet, I looked at him and said “Wow! So that's how it's going to be? If you want other women, go have them. I don't own you! Good luck with the new woman because all the women that I've seen that want you don't have shit going for them!”

“That's not what I asked you Bella!" Pointing his finger at me and pursing his lips together. "Is that what you want? Do you want me to leave and find another woman? Answer me damn it!” His voice kept getting louder and louder.

"Don't fucking yell at me like I'm your dog Emmett!" You should be appreciating me. Not demanding answers to some bullshit ass question.

We were standing directly in front of each other. Of course, he's a least a whole foot taller than I am and I have to look up at him to make eye contact.

"Answer the question Bella!" He demanded very loudly.

“No Emmett I don't! I don't want you to leave. I want the man back that I fell in love with! The man that didn't have to drink everyday of his life. The man that came home and helped me with dinner. The man that was happy just being with me. The man that would spend hours on foreplay just to please me! That's what I want!” The question is can you be that man again? Do you even want to be that man again? I could feel the emotions of the fight beginning to take their toll on me.

“I still am that man! You just can't see it anymore. Just because I have a few beers when I get home doesn't mean I'm not happy being with you. I love you. I just can't take your nagging all the time.” He sounded like he was trying to be sweet but calling me nagging wasn't going to make me feel any better.

I looked up at him with a look of amazement and said “Nagging? Who the fuck is nagging all the time? Me asking you a question about how many beers you've had is not nagging!” You think this is nagging? You have no idea! With that I walked around him and went into the bedroom to sit on the bed. I put my face in hands and began taking deep breaths to try and calm down.

He followed behind me and said calmly “Maybe not to you but it feels like it to me." He squatted down in front of me and pulled my hand away from my face. "I don't think I can be what you want me to be. I'm just gonna leave.” Here we go again. You do this shit all the time. Always just want to up and leave as soon as we argue about something.

I saw him walk to the bedroom closet. When I saw him start to throw his clothes into a suitcase, I couldn't decide if I wanted to stop him or let him leave. He was being so childish. When you really love someone how can you just up and leave because of a stupid fight? I was dumbfounded.

Then I came to a decision. I love him. Don't let him leave.

I wiped all the anger off my face and just simply stated “You can't leave over a stupid fight like this, Emmett.” You do realize how stupid you're being right?

“I can do whatever I want to do Bella. You are obviously not happy with me anymore. So I'm leaving. I'm done!” Still throwing his clothes in the suitcase. I had no clue what to say to him to get him to stop packing and act like a reasonable adult again.

“Babe, come on now. You know I love you and I wanna be with you. We can work this out. We always do. Come on, just stop packing. Please.” Great, now I'm crying. This happens every time he threatens to leave.

He must have heard my crying because he walked out of the closet and looked at me.
“Bella. Quit crying.” He walked over to me and grabbed my hands from my face. He pulled me up and snaked his arms around my waist and pulled me to him and hugged me tightly. “I'm not leaving. I just want us to be like we used to be.”

I held my arms around his neck as tight as I could. “I know. We just have to work at it. We love each other enough to make this work. Don't we, Em?” I pulled away slightly to look in his eyes.

"Yes. We do Bella." I could see that he meant it.

He grabbed my face with his big strong hands and pulled it up so my lips could meet his. He pressed his closed lips against mine lightly. His lips were soft and warm.
It was such a innocent kiss that said "I love you and only you!" My hands grabbed the back of his neck to pull myself more into him.

We kissed for a long time only pulling away when we couldn't breath anymore.

“I love you baby. I don't wanna fight with you.” I said sweetly. I really don't but we gotta fix this.

“Me either Bella. I'm sorry.” You should be.

With that Em went back into living room and got another beer out of the fridge. Big Fucking shocker but I'm tired of fighting tonight.

I decided I would give this an honest effort so I went into the living room and laid down with my head in Emmett's lap. While we were watching TV I heard Em's phone vibrating. He picked it up and looked confused.

“Hello?” he said.

“Oh damn! What's up cuz?” He looked so surprised.

Which cousin is this and what do they want? He has a huge family and they only call when they want something.

“You're kidding?! I can't believe it! I haven't seen you in years. Yeah, just let me know when you get in town. Oh and Edward I want you to meet my girl Bella so I'm gonna bring her too.” He was basically jumping out of his seat at this point.

So this is the Edward? Why are you giddy like a five year old at Christmas?

I'd heard the name before but didn't know much about him other than the fact that he moved to Chicago years ago after his parents died. The rest of their family didn't talk much about him or his parents. I just figured it was a sore subject.

“Sounds good Cuz. See you soon.” Now he's involved me in the plans. God only knows what they have planned.

He hung up the phone and had a huge grin on his face. “Bella guess what?”

“What honey? You want me to meet Edward?” I did just hear you on the phone.

“Not only that baby but he's moving back here! I can't believe it! He's been gone for like five years and now he's coming back.”

Could you act any more girly about this? Calm down!

“That's great. I can't wait to meet him. Why is he moving back?” I was asking because I'm nosey and it's odd that Em gets this excited about anything.

“He didn't say. I'm just glad he's coming back. He's my favorite cousin. You're gonna love him!”

“I'm sure I will. If he's your favorite, he's my favorite!” I said sarcastically.

Em began to text people on his phone. I could only guess he was texting everyone that knew his cousin to tell them about Edwards' return.

Your favorite cousin that I've barely heard about? How is he your favorite when you barely talk about him? Why did he leave years ago and why is he back all of a sudden? Somethings up. I hope we can get along because I have a feeling Emmett's going to make me see a lot of him.

He set his phone down and finally calmed down. We watched TV for a while and then I heard Emmett snoring. I'm not even upset. This is what we have come to be.

I got up and went to the bedroom and figured it was time to call it a night. I was pooped from all the arguing. I hoped the next day would be a better day for us.

Chapter 2- Make It Work.

2009-08-02T03:00:00.001-04:00

Bella POV

I awoke to the sounds of Em blaring his rock music from the bathroom and him trying to sing over it. I looked over at the clock to check the time. Wow! It's wayyyy too early for this.

Em loves to blare music while in the shower. He sings so loudly, I'm sure everyone in the neighborhood can hear him. It makes me laugh because his singing is terrible but he doesn't care at all. We are alike in that way.

I had decided that today was a new day. If we were going to try and make this work then I would start out on a good foot. I would try to bring back the passion and desire that we shared before our busy lives got in the way. New day, new attitude. Fixing our relationship would require work from the both of us.

I got out of bed and slipped off my nightgown as I walked towards the bathroom. I opened the door and felt the warm steam hit my bare skin. It felt nice. I stepped into the room and shut the door behind me. Em was still singing, he hadn't even noticed that I entered the room. I giggled under my breath as I pulled the shower curtain back just enough to see Em scrubbing the shampoo into his scalp. He was dancing around in the shower and looked positively goofy. I had a plan. I reached my hand into the shower and lightly pinched his butt. He jumped and turned around looking completely startled. His reaction made me burst into laughter.

“Oh! You think that's funny huh?” With a devilish smirk on his face. Uh oh! This is not good.

I let out a small yelp as he grabbed my arm and pulled me into the shower. He pulled me in so quickly that I was barely able to stay upright. He took the remaining suds on his hands and spread them on my breasts. His hands felt so good on my skin. He leaned down to my breasts and blew away the suds. His cool breath hardened my nipples even more. He slid his hands down my stomach and around my waist to cup my butt. He pulled me up slightly making it easier for him to lick my nipples. He lightly flicked my nipples with his tongue while he massaged my ass. I let out a slight moan and I dug my nails into his back. He brought his hands back up and cupped my breasts. He pinched my nipples ever so lightly. My head fell back and I pressed my hands against the tile, trying to brace myself.

Em pushed me back against the tile and lifted my left leg up as he knelt down in between my legs. He looked so sexy kneeling down completely naked with the water running all over his toned body. He took a long hard look at my hot wet slit and then dove right in with his tongue. He quickly lapped at my pussy. Taking long strokes. Licking from my opening up to my clit. My legs almost gave out every time he flicked my clit. His tongue felt so good on me.

“Oh shit Em! It feels so good. I wanna feel you inside me.” Now.

He stood up and looked into my eyes. “Show me what you want.” He commanded as he lifted his arms to press his palms on the tiles above my head.

I licked my lips and grabbed his hard thick cock. He was already hard for me. I stroked his length a few times and told him “This is what I want.” I gently tugged on his cock and pulled him to me. Guiding his cock directly to my entrance. I could feel the head of his cock brush against my clit and it sent a heat wave through my entire body. He slid inside of me with ease. He then lifted my legs to wrap around his waist. I grabbed the towel bar in the back of the shower to help gain some leverage. As he pumped his cock into me I heard him say “Damn Bella..... you....feel....so.....good.”

As he continued to thrust into me, I knew I was close to my orgasm. I concentrated on every thing I was feeling at that moment. The cool shower tiles against my back, the heat from the steam relaxing my muscles, the feel of Em's strong hands gripping my ass, the feel of his cock pumping in and out of my pussy. It was too much and sent me over the edge.

“Fuck Emmett! I'm coming......don't stop..... oh shit!” Wow, that was a good one. After that, I was barely able to grasp the bar above my head. I was hoping he was close because I didn't have much strength left in me.

I tightened my pussy walls around him and saw his eyes roll back in his head. It wouldn't be long.

“Come for me Emmett.” He loves it when I command him to come.

“You....want....me....to....come.....Oh …... shit.....I'm.....coming........Bella......Fuck!” With that he stopped his thrusts and rested his head on my chest. He gave me a quick kiss as he pulled out and let me back down.

We quickly washed off and Em finished getting ready for work. He had to work a regular eight hour shift today but I was off work for a couple days. As I stood there brushing my teeth, Em came up behind me and kissed me on the neck.

“I love you Bella. I'll see you when I get home. What do you say we have a date night tonight?” He asked with an eager grin on his face.

Really? We haven't had a date night in a long time. “That sounds great Em! What did you have in mind?” I spit out the toothpaste and turned to look at him with a huge grin on my face.

“Just be ready to go at eight tonight. I'm not telling you where we are going. It's a surprise. Wear a dress and heels.”

I kissed him on the lips and said “Okay baby. Can't wait! I'll be ready.”

He left for work and I ran some errands during the day. I decided to buy a new dress for our date. New attitude. I wanted the night to be perfect. Em came home that night and we engaged in casual conversation until we started to get ready for out date. Em was ready to go in no time. I take a little longer than him, but I am faster than most women. I hadn't even noticed Em was gone when I got out of the shower. I put on my dress and did my make up. As I was finishing my hair, I heard a knock on the door. Who the hell is here?

I went to the door and opened it to see Em. “What are you doing babe? Why are you knocking?” I asked him. You live here crazy.

“I'm here to pick you for our date.” He then brought flowers around from his back. They were purple orchids, my favorite. Aww, this is too sweet. He really is trying to make this work.

I was smiling from ear to ear. I reached out to grasp the flowers and hugged him. “Thank you baby.”

“You're welcome, honey. You look hot! You ready to go?”

“Yeah, let me grab my purse.” I quickly grabbed my purse and pulled the door shut and locked it behind me.

Em held the door of the car open for me. He was being such a gentleman. I was already impressed with his effort in date night. He still wouldn't tell me where we were going. I continued trying to guess as we drove into Atlanta. I felt like a little kid asking “Are we there yet?” He never said yes or no in response to my guesses. He just kept laughing at me. I was getting ill by that point. He could have at least given me a hint, instead of just laughing. Then again, that's just how Em is. He has the temper of a wild grizzly bear and the sense of humor of a ten year old pre-pubescent boy.

We finally arrived at our destination, Shout. We don't go there often but he knows it's my favorite place. We pulled up to the entrance and the valet handed Em a ticket as he exited the car. He came over and opened my door for me. The food there is great and the bar/club upstairs is the best part. It has a rooftop bar that overlooks the city. There's a dance floor and a DJ that plays music until two in the morning.

Dinner went well. We gazed into each others' eyes as we sipped our drinks and waited for our food to arrive. We held hands on top of the table. It was almost like a first date. Date night was going very well so far.

After dinner we went upstairs to one of the cabanas on the roof top. We ordered drinks and sat and talked at first. Then the DJ started playing some great dance music, so we hit the dance floor. We danced for hours. I was a little tipsy but not drunk. I happened to notice that Em was drinking a lot and drinking very fast. By the time we left he was totally smashed and I had to drive home. What a great ending to date night! And it started so well. The story of my life.
I was driving home when I looked over and noticed Em had fallen asleep. Fucking great. So much for a new start. Back to the same old shit.

When we finally reached the house I got out of the car and went over to Em's side. I just looked at him sitting there sleeping. How in the fuck am I supposed to get his gigantic ass out of this car and in the house? I would never be able to get him out. He weighs at least twice as much as I do. I would just have to leave him there. I rolled down the windows enough to let in some fresh air. I walked into the house and changed clothes into my pajamas. I looked at the clock and noticed that the sun would be coming up soon. Fuck me. Another night alone in this bed. This shit cannot keep happening.

I tried to calm myself down enough to get some sleep. My body was so tired but my mind was still racing. I was so mad at him for ruining date night by passing out drunk in the car. I can't be the only one putting effort into this relationship.

I could not stay up all night stressing over this. I laid back in the bed and looked up at the rotating fan. Instead of thinking about Em, I concentrated on the fans rotations. Not long after, I was fast asleep.

Chapter 3- You're Not Sorry.

2009-08-02T02:30:00.000-04:00

Bella POV

“Bella! Get the fuck up! Quit acting like you don't hear me!” Emmett was yelling at me as I awoke from my peaceful slumber. What the fuck? Why is he yelling at me? He's the one that passed out.

I rolled over and saw Emmett standing over me and staring daggers at me. “Well good fucking morning to you too.” I said sarcastically. I tried to get up from the bed to go pee but Emmett just pushed me back down on the bed.

“Don't try to be funny Bella! Why in the fuck did you leave me in the car all night? It was hot as hell out there.” The look on his face would have been terrifying if my mind was properly working.

I was still half asleep when I said “Quit yelling Em. It's too early for this shit. I need to go pee. Let me up.” I tried once again to raise from the bed and was shoved back down. Are you fucking kidding me? You are not Ike Turner.

“When you fucking answer my question you can get up. Answer me now! Why did you leave me in the car?” He demanded.

“Em, in case you forgot you fucking passed out in the car. And in case you haven't noticed you are fucking gigantic! There's no way in hell I would ever be able to lift you. There's your fucking answer. Can I get up now Ike?” Fucking move. I was seriously pissed at that point.

“So you didn't bother to try and wake me up? You just left me out there in the eighty degree heat?”

“Emmett this is stupid. You know how you are when you are drunk and you were dead to the world. Get the fuck over it and handle yourself better next time. I should be the one cussing and yelling at you. You totally ruined date night and you're not even sorry. I'm starting to think that you are doing this shit on purpose.” He finally let me get up from the bed and pass by him. I walked into the bathroom and locked the door. This is gonna be one hell of a day.

I didn't hear anything else from the bed room while I was in the bath room. I was really shocked that he didn't completely blow up and bust down the door. Maybe he actually realized he was wrong.

I cautiously walked back out into the bedroom. I wasn't sure what I would find. I saw Em sitting in the chair across the room. He was as still as a statue with a blank look on his face. I wasn't sure what was going through his head and it scared me. “Em.” I sad timidly. “Are you alright?”

He didn't even move. His expression didn't change at all. I was even more confused by that.

“Baby? What's wrong?” I asked.

“Bella, do you really think we are gonna last?” He sounded like a child who had lost his puppy. I had no idea how to answer him. Yes, I loved him. Yes, I wanted to be with him. Would we be together in ten years? I had no idea.

I sat down on the edge of the bed. “Baby, I don't know. I love you and I wanna be with you but I can't predict the future.”

“I know. It just scares me that we are arguing all the time lately. What did you mean when you said that you think I am doing this on purpose?” He still sounded so sad and confused.

“It seems like as soon as we decide to work things out, you do something to sabotage us. Date night was going so well and then you passed out on me. What should I be thinking?”

“Bella, I love you. I'm not trying to sabotage us. I was having such a good time with you that I didn't realize how much I was drinking.” He looked utterly confused.

“It's not just last night Em. You are drinking all the time. Half the time you don't even sleep in the bed with me because you're passed out on the couch.” I just want my man back.

“I'm sorry, Bella. Do you think we could work this out?” He sounded really sincere.

“We just have to take it day by day and try to make some changes. If we want it to work, I think we can make it.” I said sincerely.

I walked over to him and sat down his lap. He wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my lips. “We gotta make this work, Bella. I love you too much.”

“We will baby.” At least I hope.

We sat in this position for what seemed like hours. It was so comfortable to be held in his big strong arms. It felt like home. I knew we would at some point have to talk about those changes we each needed to make but we were both so stubborn that it would not be an easy conversation. I was attempting to delay the inevitable when I looked at his face, grabbed his chin with my hand and turned his lips to meet mine.

The kiss was a desperate kiss. It wasn't filled with passion or lust. It was pure desperation. Wanting to hang on to each other and to this moment. We were both trying to stop time. We knew that the conversations over the next few days would be very tense and emotion filled. We were hoping that kiss would lead to activities that did not involve conversation.

Our kiss deepened and the more he kissed me and the more his hands roamed my body, the more my love for him became evident to me. He was still able to make me feel the love he felt for me. Before I knew it, my clothes were practically non existent. I had been so wrapped up in my mind and my feelings that I hadn't noticed he had removed all of my clothing except my panties. He swept me up and laid me down on the bed. He raised up to remove his clothes and I watched his well shaped form undress piece by piece. This sex wouldn't be rushed or hurried. It was going to be very long and focused.

We used our hands to roam each others' bodies. Exploring them like we had never seen the other naked. We kissed every part of each others' bare skin. Starting with our lips going all the way down to our ankles. It was very intimate and sensual. He moved on top of me and I wrapped my legs around him pulling him closer to me. He entered me slowly and easily. He felt so right inside of me. He filled me completely. We didn't stop kissing the entire time we made love.

We came in unison. It was amazing. He and I had never done that before, I didn't think it was possible. We just laid in each others' arms when it was over. We didn't want to leave the comfort of the bubble we had created.

The next few days for us were very trying. Thankfully it was the weekend and we were both off of work. We had decided that we wouldn't be separated until we had figured everything out. We discussed everything. I told him all of the things that he did to bother me. All of the things I was unhappy with in our relationship. He did the same with me. We discussed the future. The things we wanted, the things we didn't want. There was a lot of crying. There was a lot of yelling but we stayed focused and came to some decisions.

Em agreed to watch his drinking and slow down. I agreed that I would quit obsessing and nagging him over the little things. He agreed to try and bring back the romance. I agreed that I would try to step up our sex game. There were plenty of things that were agreed upon. As for our future, we decided that we would try to make it work and work towards taking our relationship to the next level.

We both felt like a great weight had been lifted off our shoulders after everything had been discussed rationally. I was sure we would be strong enough and that we loved each other enough to work through all of our garbage.

It was Sunday night when Edward called Em back. He informed us that he would be in town for good on Thursday. He wanted all of us to get together Friday night for drinks. It sounded like fun and I loved the area of town he suggested. There would be plenty to do if Edward and I didn't get along. I would be able to sneak away and do my own thing.

The next week had went by pretty well and uneventful. Em and I worked and spent a lot of time at home with each other. We were reconnecting. We cuddled a lot. We laughed a lot. We had lots of sex. Our relationship was definitely the best it had been in quite a while.

Chapter 4-When I Saw You.

2009-08-02T02:00:00.000-04:00

Bella POV

It was Friday and Edward had called to confirm our plans. He let us know exactly when and where to meet. I was definitely looking forward to a night out and I was looking forward to meeting the mysterious Edward. I hoped the night would go as well as Em wanted it to.

I took one last look in the mirror. My hair was in soft waves. I had on just the right amount of make up. Not overly done but enough to make a statement. I had on a denim mini-skirt, blue halter top and black strappy four inch heels. Perfect. I wanted to make a good first impression on Edward, since he's Em's favorite cousin.

“Bella! You ready to go?” Emmett shouted from the front door.

Walking towards the front door, I said “Yeah. Let's go.”

I grabbed my purse off of the kitchen table and looked at Em. “How do I look?” I said batting my eyelashes at him.

“You look hot baby! You know I love those shoes.” He said with a huge smile on his face.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me to him. He looked into my eyes and leaned down to plant his lips on mine.

As I pulled away I said “Come on Em, you know we have to go or we'll be late.”

With a sad puppy dog look on his face he said “Aww. I was hoping to get a little action in before we left.”

I lightly slapped his arm. “Always so horny. Let's leave before we don't make it at all!”

We walked out the door and down to the car. Em started the short drive to Little Five Points. My mind had been racing with questions about Edward all day. After dating Em for three years and barely hearing about his 'so-called' favorite cousin, I had a ton of questions. Why did he leave town? Why was he back now? Is he here for good? Does he have kids? A wife? Girlfriend? Where is he going to live? So many questions. Slow down, Bella. You're gonna seem crazy if you just bust out with all the questions tonight.

So, instead of bombarding Em with all of my questions at once, I began to ease into my line of questioning.

“Em, why did Edward leave after high school? Was it for college?” I asked casually, attempting not to sound too eager.

He glanced over to me for a second, trying to keep an eye on the road and said “Well, his parents died in a car accident on the night of his graduation. He kept blaming himself for it. About a month later he just said he was leaving. He wouldn't tell us where.”

Wow. I had no idea. That's so sad but why did he blame himself?

“Why do you think he was blaming himself for his parent's death? Was he driving the car?” I had to know.

“ He wasn't driving the car but he was following behind them. He saw the whole accident. They were on their way downtown to celebrate his graduation. The car in front of my aunt and uncle blew a tire and spun out. Carlisle tried to swerve to miss the car but he was going so fast that the car flipped over five times. Edward kept saying that if he hadn't wanted to go downtown his parents would still be alive.” His face looked very somber as he told me.

God. I cannot imagine seeing my parent's die right in front of me.

I didn't really know what to say at that point. I didn't want to keep questioning Em about his Aunt and Uncle's death. So, I just let it go. Maybe Edward would answer my questions during the nights' conversation.

We pulled into Little Five Points and I started people watching. Little Five Points is an area in East Atlanta that is only about a mile long and not even a mile wide but there is always so much going on in that little area. There are three or four pretty famous bars where the Atlanta celebrities can usually be seen on the weekends. There are a bunch of independently owned shops. There's always someone painting something on the sidewalk or someone playing music on the street. Every race and type of person can be seen there. Gothic, preppy, urban, rich, poor, homeless, average, black, white, Asian, Indian. It's definitely a place that can keep your interest.

We were meeting Edward at one of the smaller bars. It has a nice patio and some of the best original drinks in the whole city. Definitely a good place to sit outside and quiet enough to catch up.

Em parked the car and as I got closer to the door I saw a brand new silver Volvo. It was so shiny and pretty. There was an Illinois license plate on the back. Nice car.

As we walked into the bar I heard someone call out “Emmett!” I didn't recognize the voice but it sounded amazing. It was clear, deep and smooth.

We both looked to our left to see a tall well built man with perfectly imperfect bronze hair walking swiftly towards us with a huge smile on his face. His outfit was perfectly put together. He wore a Gucci button up shirt and jeans. His shoes were also Gucci. Nice shoes! His outfit must have cost a small fortune. Must be Edward. Holy shit he's hot!

I could feel my jaw hanging down as he got closer. Pick your fucking jaw up off the ground Bella!

Emmett embraced him with a huge bear hug and an even bigger smile on his face. “Cuz!”

After a few moments I managed to pick up my jaw and they finally released from their embrace. Edward looked over at me still smiling and reached his hand out to shake mine and said “You must be Bella? I'm Edward. It's a great pleasure to meet you.”

I gave him my hand to shake and as his hand enveloped mine I could feel a shot of electricity shoot through my hand and up my arm. What the hell was that? Trying not to smile too big I said “Yes, I am. It's nice to finally meet you.” Get it together Bella. You can't just stand here holding his hand smiling like an idiot all night. I released his hand and finally quit staring.

“I got us a table out here on the patio. You guys ready for some drinks? This is my first night out since I've been back so let's get to it! All drinks are on me tonight!” His voice sounded like velvet as he spoke. I almost felt like I was in a trance just listening to him speak.

We got to the table and the waitress came to take our orders. I ordered a painkiller and Em ordered a Jack and Coke. The painkillers are the drink that made this bar famous. Edward was already drinking a Grey Goose and pineapple juice. Nice taste in liquor, I see.

I was trying not to stare but as Em and Edward were conversing I continued to find my self fixated on Edwards lips. They were shaped perfectly. They looked so moist. I couldn't bring myself to look away every time he took a sip from his straw. What the fuck am I doing? My boyfriend is right here and I just keep fucking staring at his cousin. Get it the fuck together!

I had no idea what they had been talking about. I wasn't really interested in their conversation. I wanted to keep looking at Edward.

“So, Bella, Emmett tells me you're a nurse. How is that going?” I heard Edward say. I tried to get my mind to work instead of letting his velvety voice make me zone out.

“Yeah. I'm a nurse in East Point. I like my job. I get to help people and I make pretty decent money.” Somehow my mind worked enough to produce an actual sentence.

With a smile on his face he said “You must be pretty smart to be a nurse.”

Yeah but I feel like an idiot right now because I can't stop gawking at you.

“Yeah I like to consider myself pretty intelligent. I didn't exactly graduate at the top of the class but I did pretty well.”

“Don't let her fool you. She's the smartest woman I've ever met. I'd trust her to save me any day.” Em proudly said to Edward.

We all three continued in casual conversation for a while. The questions that had been racking my brain all day were still unanswered. The more I looked at Edward the more I wanted to know about him. I was completely intrigued.

Grow some balls Bella and just ask him what you want to know.

“So, Edward, I know I just met you and I don't want to seem nosy but can I ask you something?” I said. Better to just spit it out than to keep racking my brain about it.

He looked at me with a slight grin on his lips and what I swear was a sparkle in his eyes and said “Sure Bella. We are practically family. What do you wanna know?”

“Come on, Bella. Let's not give him twenty questions tonight. Let's just let loose and have fun.” Em said to me. Shut up Em!

“No No Emmett. It's completely fine. The lady has an inquiring mind. Let's see what she wants to know.” Edward said with that same smirk on his beautiful face.

“Thanks Edward.” I said smiling at him. “I was just wondering where you had moved to when you left Georgia?”

“Well, I went to Chicago. Been there until I came back here.” He simply stated. He made it sound like he hadn't disappeared from his whole family and was just right up the street.

Chicago! Shit! That's his Volvo. He must have a lot of money. Buying the drinks, that outfit and then the nice car. Where is all his money coming from?

I couldn't think of where to continue after that. I wanted to ask about the money but that's rude. Should I have asked why he left? Why he came back? I decided not to push my luck and besides my mind was still reeling from the revelation I just stumbled upon.

We continued in casual conversation for a while longer. Edward paid for everything and I thought the night would end there but then Edward asked us to go to a club not far away and keep the night going. Em and I were up for anything and I also liked the idea of having more time to look at Edward. I hoped Em hadn't noticed that I had been staring basically all night. But then again Em was so engulfed in his reunion with Edward that he barely paid me any attention anyways.

We arrived at the bar and got our drinks. We found a small booth and sat down to enjoy our drinks. The fellas were talking again but the music was so loud I couldn't hear any of what they were saying. Then I heard my favorite song come over the sound system.

“Oh shit!” I exclaimed. “This is my song!! Let's go dance Em!”

“I don't feel like dancing right now, Bella.” Em said. He probably just wanted to keep drinking for free. Figures.

Ugh! What the fuck ever. I'll go dance by myself.

I got up out of the booth and I was half way to the dance floor when I felt someone grab my hand. I thought I felt that same electric shock as before. It couldn't be Edward, could it? I turned to see who it was and saw it was Edward. Oh shit. I was totally shocked. I didn't expect it to be him holding my hand. I looked at his beautiful face and I swear I almost melted.

“I told Emmett it wasn't right for such a pretty woman to be dancing all alone and that I would dance with you to keep an eye on you.” He winked. He fucking winked!

I couldn't help but smile and said “Let's do this!” Oh my God. Oh my God. Stay calm. Stay calm.

Chapter 5- Dirty Dancing

2009-08-02T01:30:00.000-04:00

Bella POV

We made our way on to the dance floor and I started swaying my hips to the beat. My heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest. My pulse was racing. Thank God I had my back to him because I was certain my face was blood red.

I felt Edward's hands on my waist gripping me firmly. I could only imagine the amount of pleasure that those hands could do to my body. I pushed my butt into his groin and began to bounce my booty on him. He was moving along with me and I could feel him pressing his groin into me more and more. I wanted us to be doing this with no clothing barrier in between our bodies. The electricity I felt from the first handshake was back and every time he touched me it felt even stronger. The constant pressure from his hands combined with the electricity made me shudder.
I'm gonna get in so much trouble for this. I hope Em isn't watching.

I looked over my shoulder to look for Em. I'm sure he thought it was just harmless dancing. Instead of finding Em's face, I found Edward's. His lips were so close to mine. I looked right at them. They were moist and smooth. I instantly pictured his lips kissing all over my body. I had to fight the urge not to press my lips against his.

What the fuck am I thinking? You cannot kiss him! Look away, just look away already! Why am I feeling this way? Damn it. Get it together!!!

I managed to look away from Edward's face and kept dancing. My pulse was still racing, my palms were sweaty, my breathing was irregular. My panties were even wet. Fuck!! I really needed to regain my composure before I did something really stupid. We continued to dance like that for a few more songs. Every time I would try and leave his grip, he pulled me right back in.

Then I heard a high pitched female voice yell “Bella! Bella!” I looked over to my right and saw Rosalie and Alice running towards me with huge smiles on their faces. Thank God for them. Just in time.

I smiled back and raced to meet them. Alice and Rosalie are my best friends. We've always looked out for each other. They are like my sisters. I never had any siblings and we have been inseparable since childhood.

“Ladies! I'm so glad to see y'all! You didn't tell me y'all were coming here tonight!” I shouted over the music.

“We didn't plan to it was just a spur of the moment thing.” Alice said.

“Yeah. We knew you and Em were going out tonight so we just decided to go dancing.” said Rosalie.

I felt someone walk up behind me, it was the electricity again. Fuck! Would you go back to the booth with Em already? Then I heard Rosalie say “And who is the gorgeous man you were dancing with?”

Shit! Why did he follow me over here. I was trying to get away before I got in trouble. Now I have to introduce him.

“Oh ladies! This is Edward. He's Emmett's cousin that just moved back to town.”

“Hi ladies.” he stated as he extended his hand to Alice and Rosalie.

“Well hello Edward!” They exclaimed in unison.

Could y'all be any more obvious? Yes he's handsome but, come on, y'all are basically throwing yourselves at him.

“Girls, come over to the booth where Em is and we can all sit and talk together.” I needed to get back over to my man. Get my head back where it should be.

We all walked over to meet Em. Once we reached the booth where he was sitting I sat down next to him and put my arms around his neck and kissed him on the cheek. I could smell the liquor on his breath but I didn't care. That was where I was supposed to be. Sitting next to my man not living in fantasy land with Edward.

We drank and everyone talked about how we all met and all of the usual introductory garbage. I could see that Rose and Alice really were trying to catch Edward's attention. Although, every time I glanced at Edward, he was looking at me. I tried to focus all of my attention on Em. I had let my mind wander in forbidden territory long enough for one night.

“Looks like the ladies have taken an interest in Edward, huh?” Em said looking at me.

Hell, I've taken an interest in Edward. Shit! I have to get my head out of the gutter.

“Yeah. It looks that way. Then again it doesn't take much for Rosalie to be interested in a man wearing Gucci!” I said jokingly.

Em laughed and said “She is a bit of a brand whore huh?”

“You already know!”

When the DJ called for last call, Edward once again paid for everyone's drinks. Even Rose and Alice's. That, of course, made Rose all the more interested in him. For some stupid reason I started to feel angry that she was so obvious with her attraction to Edward. I couldn't blame her but I didn't understand why I cared who liked him or who he liked. I should hope that my friends would find a great guy and she might find it in Edward. There wasn't any way I could have him but she could.

We walked out of the bar and into the lot and I saw Rosalie give Edward her number. Instead of being happy for them, I was angry and jealous.

Fucking get it together Bella. You have a man already. You cannot be with him so let one of your friends have a chance.

Over the five hours we were out, I only managed to finish three drinks and definitely wasn't feeling anything from the alcohol. There was too much going on in my head to even think about getting drunk. So, I knew I was okay to drive home. Edward and the ladies had definitely had more than enough to drink and thought it was best to take a taxi home.

When the taxi arrived I gave Alice and Rose a hug and told them I would see them the next day for our usual Saturday lunch. I overheard Edward and Em making plans to get together soon.

Then Edward came over and wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in for a hug. I literally stopped breathing for a few moments.

Oh shit oh shit oh shit. It was that damn electricity again. I needed to control my body and emotions and cut that shit out. I pulled away and said “Thanks for a good time. We had so much fun and it really was great getting to meet you. I hope we can all get together again soon.” Maybe when I can act like an adult instead of a fucking school girl!

“Me too Bella. I'm glad Emmett found a great woman. I'm sure I will see y'all soon. Drive home safely.” Again with that velvet voice.

Em and I got into our car and drove away. This night hadn't helped anything. Em and I were doing well and then here came Edward. Totally screwing with my head. My questions were still unanswered. Now, I had a million new questions to add to my list. Only, he couldn't answer these. I had to figure out the answers.

What the fuck is this electricity bullshit?
Why do I feel like a teenager with a crush?
Why am I so attracted to my boyfriend's cousin?

I shouldn't be feeling any of this and yet I couldn't control any of it! I've got to figure this shit out before I get myself in trouble. I'm so confused.

I felt like the car was on auto pilot because somehow the car was going in the right direction but my mind was completely somewhere else. I could not stop thinking about Edward. I kept having flashbacks of dancing with him. His lips continually popped into my head. I could still feel the electricity from him on my hips. It was too much to handle.

We finally arrived home and we walked into the house. It was really late and we were both tired. We got into bed and Em cuddled up behind me. He kissed my cheek and wrapped his arms around me. “Good night Bella. Love you.” He said.

“Good night Em. Love you too.”

Em was asleep in no time but I couldn't manage to fall asleep. My mind was going nonstop thinking of Edward. This shit could not happen again. A long while later I managed to finally fall asleep

Chapter 6- GIrls Just Wanna Have Fun.

2009-08-02T01:25:00.000-04:00

Bella POV

It was Saturday and I didn't feel any better than I had the night before. How in the hell could a stranger send electric jolts through my body just by a simple handshake? Sure he was gorgeous but he was Emmett's cousin. I should not have been feeling or thinking any of things that had been in my head. He was all I could think about.

Edward's hand exploring my body. His lips pressed against my flesh. His tongue gliding over my nipples as he massaged my breasts. Working his way down my stomach to my hot, wet, pulsating groin. His long fingers stroking my clit and then slowly pressing his fingers inside of me. Him licking my clit as he pumped his fingers in and out of my pussy. Those emerald green eyes gazing up at me while he sucked on my clit. “Bella! Hello? Did you hear me?” Emmett interrupted my fantasy. I hadn't even noticed that my hand had begun to make it's way toward my groin. That would have been fun to explain.

“I'm sorry baby. What's up?”

“Nothing. Your cell was ringing. It was Alice's ring tone. Aren't you ladies supposed to have lunch today?” Oh shit! I was so consumed in my fantasy and confusion that I completely forgot.

“Yeah. I better start getting ready. You have any plans today?” I got up and started to walk to the bathroom for a cold shower. I needed it after that day dream I just had.

“Not really. Edward had said something about coming over to hang for a little while.” Fuck! He's gonna be in my house? And I'm not even gonna be here? Was he hoping I would be here? Damn! I wish I could stay here for once.

I finished getting ready and texted the girls to see where we were meeting. We all decided on our favorite Mexican restaurant. Edward hadn't arrived before I left the house. Thank God! It made it a lot easier to leave without actually having to look at him again. When I arrived at the restaurant the girls were already waiting on the patio with their drinks. I sat down and I swear the first thing out of Rose's mouth was “So Edward is fucking hot!” Well no shit Sherlock!

This lunch was supposed to be a distraction from my Edward fantasies, not contributing to them.

“He's alright.” I said. I couldn't let anyone know how I was really feeling. It would definitely make it's way back to him or Emmett.

“Alright?! He's the finest fucking piece of man meat I've ever seen!” Rose exclaimed. “I bet I can get him to sleep with me.” You slut! You better not! Did I just call my best friend a slut? God! He's already fucking up my mind!!!

“Yeah Bella. You have to be blind not to see how hot he is!” Alice agreed. She wasn't quite as crude as Rose. Alice is a tad more reserved. I fucking see his hotness! Hell I even feel it! But I can't! I have to block it out!

“So what do you know about him?” Rose asked.

I know that he had me so aroused from just dancing that I would most likely explode if he was to actually penetrate me. Do you wanna know that? Ugh!

“I don't really know anything. Em doesn't say much about Edward's personal life and I just met him last night.”

“No bitch! I mean does he have a girlfriend? Is he married? The good shit!” Rose was so blunt. Alice just giggled while she sipped her drink. Your guess is as good as mine.

“I have no idea. He didn't mention one. So I'm guessing the answer is no.”

Please please Rose, new subject now.

I was so jealous of Rose actually being available to date him. She wouldn't be the slut of the town for fucking her man's cousin. No one would think twice about Rose and Edward getting together. No one but me that is. I don't think I could listen to the details of them having sex and Rose likes to tell all the dirty details. I knew it would kill me. I would have to sit there and grin and bear it.

Rose wouldn't let the conversation about Edward die. I definitely tried more than once to change the subject but she always found a way back to talking about him.

One last attempt to change the subject. “So, Alice, how's the boyfriend search going?” Alice has been single for a while and has been on a mission to find a new man.

“Oh! I didn't tell you! Before we ran into you last night I met the cutest guy! He has this blonde messy curly hair and these beautiful blue eyes. He has a smile that could melt your heart.” Her face was so serene as she spoke of him.

“So....what's his name? Are you gonna go out with him?” It sounded like she was really into this guy.

“His name is Jasper and I don't know yet. We exchanged numbers last night but I'm waiting on him to call. Freaking guys and their three day rule.”

“I'm sure he will call Alice. If not, he's a fool!” It was true. Alice is such a sweet girl and good person, he would be stupid not to call her.

“So what do you think Bella? You think I should go for it? You think I should give him some?” Rose asked. Back to this again. No! I think you should never ever think of him again!

“Well, if I had met Edward before I met Em, I would have gave him some.” What the fuck? Did that just come out of my mouth?

Alice and Rose just looked at me totally shocked. Yep. I just said that. “You know what I mean! He's attractive and seems to have money. If I were single, I'd do it.” I said calmly. I hoped they would believe I was being hypothetical. Although, I was totally serious. Hell, I was thinking about giving him some and I wasn't single.

“So what do we need to do to get him to really notice you?” Alice asked Rose.

“I gave him my number last night but you know how guys are, they wait forever to actually call.” Please don't call her!!

I had to at least pretend to help her. Otherwise she would suspect something. “I'll talk to Em and get some info for you on him. Then we can strategically plan out a pursuit.”

“Thanks Bella! I have to have him!” Rose exclaimed. She looked like I had just given her a present.

“Oh hell Rose! You have to have every good looking man you see!” Alice joked.

“I do not! It just so happens that rich attractive men like me!” Rose retorted.

“Right! And it has nothing to do with the fact that your ass practically hangs out of your shorts and your boobs could pop out of your shirt at any time?” I was being sarcastic and honest at the same time. She was right though. She usually got any man she wanted. I hoped this time she wouldn't.

We sat there for a while longer and continued to talk about pretty much the same thing. Edward. I would have been better off staying at home. I was barely even listening to the girls talk. I was too involved in my day dreams. If I wasn't dreaming about the dirty things I would do to him, I was reliving last night in my head.

The way his body felt pressed against my back while we had danced. His hot, sweet breath on my ear. His strong hands gripping my hips. His groin pressed against my ass as we swayed to the beat. The electricity he sent through my entire body.

I was brought back into the real world when the waiter brought our checks. We paid our tabs and said our goodbyes. I knew Rose would be making herself more present in the coming weeks. She wouldn't let up until she got what she wanted.

On my way home Em texted me and asked me to pick up some beers for him and Edward. Fuck! He's still at my house? Wonderful!

When I arrived home I saw Em and Edward sitting on the couch completely engulfed in a Xbox basketball tournament. Maybe they won't even notice I'm home. Maybe I can say a quick hello and go to my room.

No such luck. As soon as I walked into the kitchen, they both looked up at me. “Hey!” They said together.

Uhhhh.....God he's fucking gorgeous and look at that smile. It fucking sparkles. “Hi fellas. Who's winning?” I managed to spit out.

“Well your man here” pointing to Em “is kicking my ass! He plays this game a lot huh?” Edward asked.

Yeah he can play the game and I'll play you. Stop it Bella!

“Yeah he does.” Please quit talking to me and just play your game. It's too much to have you here in my house and looking so magnificent.

“Well, you boys have fun. Good luck Edward. No one has beaten Em, ever.” I said as I walked towards the bedroom. I had to get away from him. I couldn't take anymore time with him without jumping him. That hair, the sparkling fucking teeth, those biceps.....UGH! Fuck!!

I shut the bedroom door and threw myself down on the bed. I looked up to the ceiling talking to God. Why are you doing this to me? I know it's wrong. I know I can't do this. But I want to SO bad! I have to find a way out of this.

I managed to calm down my raging hormones for a while. Then I heard Em shouting for me. “Bella can you come out here?”

UGH!

I walked into the living room. “What's up honey?”

“The tournament is over and yours truly is the victor yet again! Ha Ha! In your face Eddie!” Edward looked like he didn't really give a shit about the tournament but when he looked towards me I swear his eyes lit up. Fuck....do not look at me like that! I just put on clean panties for Christ's sake.

“So Bella, how are the ladies today?” Edward asked.

“They are good. We had a great lunch. I hope you know you have had some effect on Rose.”

“Oh yeah? Is that so?” He questioned. Don't act like you don't fucking know what you do to women.

“Dude quit fucking acting like women don't throw their selves at you daily!” Even Em knew it.

“So what did Rose say about me?” He asked.

“She said that she wants to get to know you better and that you should call her. Maybe y'all can hook up sometime?” I fucking hope not. Please say drop dead gorgeous women aren't your type. Anyone but my friends.

“I may just have to call her now that I know she's interested. I thought she may have just been being nice last night.” Bullshit! You knew she was basically throwing herself at you.

“That sounds great. I'm not gonna tell her though. Just don't wait too long to call her.” I'm done with the matchmaking! I want him too badly to help him hook up with my friends.

We all continued to talk for a little while longer but it was too much for me. Dealing with the emotions of being so utterly attracted to my boyfriends' cousin and having them both in the same room was too much too soon. I needed to go back to my room and chill. At least there I could attempt to block Edward out.

Em and Edward decided to go over a friend's house and when they came in to tell me they were leaving, I pretended like I was sleeping. Edward was such a nice guy I was sure he would hug me again and I didn't think I could take it. Once they were gone, I rolled over and stared at the ceiling and my mind began to wonder again. I wonder if he feels the same way? Does he feel the electricity too? Does he even like me? Does he want Rosalie? UGH! What the hell is wrong with me?

Chapter 7- Hypothetically.

2009-08-02T01:20:00.000-04:00

Bella POV

It has been a couple of weeks since I first met Edward. Luckily, there haven't been any more visits from him. According to Em, he is too busy moving and getting situated in his new home. His absence has been a good thing; it makes my life a lot easier. My relationship with Em is something I promised to work on and put an honest effort into. Edward had been making that promise very difficult for me. I have already invested so much time into Em that I can't just throw it away from some stupid electricity. My priority is Em and our relationship.

Rose, Alice and I still have our weekly Saturday lunches. At the most recent one we had some pretty interesting conversations.

“So Rose, did things get hot and heavy with Mr. Amazing last night?” Alice asked Rose inquisitively. I had purposely avoided bringing him up. I didn't want to know anything about the date. Good or bad.

“Don't you think if things had gotten hot and heavy I would've told you by now?” Rose stated as she shoved another piece of food in her mouth. She looked really pissed and she only eats this much when she's not getting her way. Hmm...Maybe that's good news for me!

“Really Rose? I was for sure you two would hit it off.” I had to at least act like I was supportive.

“Why don't you tell us what happened and we can see where it went wrong.” Alice said.

“Okay, so he picks me up and I, of course, looked amazing. We went to a fancy restaurant downtown. He pulled my chair out and everything. We had good wine and good food. But every time I tried to talk he looked like he was uninterested. So, I thought that if I could get him to come to my house I could loosen him up. I mean who could resist me, right? He wouldn't even entertain the idea of coming to my house and then he made some lousy excuse about his house being a wreck from the move. So, we couldn't go there. Then when he dropped me off at home he didn't even kiss me. He walked me to the door and just hugged me. Who the hell just hugs these days? I have no fucking idea what's wrong with him.” Her whole face was tense. She's never really been rejected. Maybe he does feel the electricity. Why else wouldn't he want Rose?

“Honey, maybe he's just a little stressed from the move. Maybe he's not ready to date yet. He could have just ended a relationship in Chicago. I don't think it was you.” Alice tried to comfort her.

“Yeah, Rose. I'm sure he will change his mind. He will come around.” I said. Hopefully not. Maybe talking about fashion isn't his idea of a good night and I'm sure that's all she was talking about.

Time to change the subject. “So Alice, how is Jasper? Are you two still seeing each other?” I asked.

“I haven't even told you!” She literally almost jumped out of her seat at the opportunity to talk about him. “Things are great! He's such an amazing person. I really feel like we are meant to be together. He's such a gentleman. We actually have a date coming up! I'm so excited! It just feels so right, being with him.”

“That's great Alice. I'm so happy for you! I'm still waiting to meet him you know?” I reminded her. I was truly happy for her and that the focus had shifted to something else. Rose just sat there like a bump on a log, still eating.

We finished lunch and Rose didn't look any better. I was hoping she would meet someone to take her focus off of Edward. I couldn't keep having him as the subject of all our lunches. I have to admit that I was more happy than I should have been about her bad date. I couldn't help it though. My feelings were obviously out of control.

I was back at the hospital for another twelve hour shift. I was checking the IV on one of my patients when I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. I left the room once I was finished and grabbed my phone. I had a new text message from a number I didn't know. I opened it.

Hey Bella. It's Edward. I need a favor. -E

How in the fuck did he get my cell number? My heart skipped a beat at the thought of what kind of favor he wanted.

Hey Edward. How did you get my number. What kind of favor do you need? -B

Do you want the kind of favor that involves us naked? Fuck! Concentrate Bella!

I went to continue my rounds. I was unable to concentrate, I was unable to work with him in my head. The last thing I needed to was to walk into a room and picture Edwards' face on one of my patients. I would not check my phone until my rounds were done. I needed to give my patients my full attention.

Once I was finished I went to the nurses' station to sit down. My phone had vibrated at least a few times. The first one was from Edward.

Emmett gave it to me. Hope you don't mind. I need some medical advice. Can you help? -E

Fucking Emmett! Why would you just give my number to Edward?

No prob. What can I help you with? -B

While I was waiting for him to respond, I checked my other messages. I had one from Alice and one from Em. Alice was asking where she should have Jasper take her on their next date. Em was letting me know that he had given Edward my number. A little late there Em! I decided to let it slide. If I made a big deal out of it, I would probably end up having to tell him about my feelings towards Edward. Not worth the fight.

Edward finally texted me back.

My stomach is killing me. It feels like the inside of it is on fire. Cramps and shooting pain. What do you think? -E

So it really was a medical issue. I thought he was just looking for an excuse to talk to me. Jumping to conclusions.

It sounds like you might have an ulcer. You need to go to the Dr. ASAP. -B

I felt a small pain inside of my chest at the thought of him being in pain. What the fuck is wrong with me?

My phone vibrated again.

Thanks Bella. I'll go as soon as I can get in. -E

No prob. Let me know what they say. -B

Maybe now there wouldn't be anymore texts for the day. I went back to work. Filling out charts, checking on patients, talking to families. Typical day at work.

I was finishing up my shift when, yet again, my phone vibrated. Damn! Can I get a fucking second without this phone going off?

It was Edward. Again. My heart sped up at the thought of what the text would say. Was he okay? Did he want something else?

B, no ulcer. Just a spasm. Gave me meds. Thanks again. I owe you. -E

You owe me? You bet your ass you do! You owe me a good long hard fuck.

Nonsense! U owe me nothing. Glad you are okay. -B

I was relieved to know that it was just a spasm that some simple medicine could cure.

Another text.

So, I gotta b honest. I wanted something else 2. -E

What else? My pulse instantly raced at the thought of him wanting more.

Um, okay. What else? -B

On my date with Rosalie she told me what you said about me. -E

You have got to be fucking kidding me? Bitch! I automatically knew what he was talking about.

What's that? -B

My mind was racing as I waited to see if he did indeed know what I had said.

That if you met me first you would have been with me. Is that true? -E

Holy fucking shit! He knew what I said. How in the hell am I supposed to be around him now? My heart was beating out of my chest. By that time I was off work and on my way home.

It doesn't matter if it's true. Nothing can ever happen. -B

Way to go! End it before it really starts.

It does matter. I need to know. -E

Why do you need to know? To know that you are the king of all women? To know that everyone woman on the planet wants to have sex with you?

It doesn't matter. Aren't you dating Rose anyways? -B

Gotta put the focus back on him and away from me.

Not dating. One date. She was trying so hard to have sex with me that it turned me off. -E

Ha! That's what you get Rose!

Sorry to hear that. -B

I had to at least pretend to be sad about it.

Back to my question. Is it true? -E

Should I be honest or lie? A part of me wanted him to know the truth but the other part of me knew that it would only get me in trouble.

Yes. It's true. If I wouldn't get caught I would do it. -B

I couldn't believe I had really just told him that. It was the truth. I wanted him so badly. I knew it was wrong but I couldn't deny the feelings I was having.

Wow Bella. I would too. We can do it and not get caught. -E

Did he really just say that? Em's your cousin! I'm his girlfriend. We can't!

You would do that to your cousin?-B

Not normally. Just something about you. -E

Just something about me? He felt it too!

I'm home now. Gotta go. Talk later. -B

My head was totally spinning from the conversation that had just taken place. I could not believe any of it had really happened. I deleted all of the texts from my phone. Couldn't chance Em seeing them. I didn't know if it was a test. If Edward would go back and tell Em. I was completely panicking but I couldn't let Em see that.

I walked into the house and sat down on the couch with Em. We had a casual everyday conversation about our day at work. I was so tired from my shift and from all the thoughts that had been running around my head all day. I simply fell asleep on the couch with my head in Em's lap. I needed to give my mind a break.

Chapter 8- I Wish You Knew.

2009-08-02T01:15:00.000-04:00

Edward POV

Note: The italics in Edward's chapters are flashbacks.

The last few weeks for me have been more than eventful. I finally made the move back to my home town. I had been gone for five long years. No one in my family had any idea where I had been or what I had been doing. I chose not to contact them, even though I missed them severely. I had things that needed to be taken care of that only I knew about. It was something that I needed to deal with, alone. I remember the last time I saw anyone in my family.

“Edward, you can't just up and leave your entire family like this. You are confused and grieving. Please don't leave. Let us all heal each other.” Aunt Amanda said to me. I knew she only wanted what was best for me but she had no idea of my true feelings.

“Aunt Amanda, you know you and Uncle James are my favorite and I appreciate the offer but I have to go. There are things that I can't talk about right now but I have to go and figure this out on my own. I'm sorry.” I really was sorry. I didn't want to leave them. They were grieving just as I was.

“Sugar, what do you need to figure out? You know you are welcome to stay here if you don't want to stay in that house alone? We love you and we are your family. I don't want to lose you too.” Aunt Amanda began to cry. I was truly feeling like shit now. She just lost her sister and now she thought she was going to lose me too.

“I... I can't tell you all the details right now. I promise I will be back when everything is sorted out. Please just trust me.” I reached out to hold her hand.

“Alright then. If you have to go, you have to go. I expect you to keep your promise!” She said with a slight smile.

I walked outside and gave Uncle James a goodbye hug. He understood that men just need to handle business alone sometimes. It was a man thing. I then went to Emmett's room. I couldn't leave without saying goodbye to him. He was like a brother to me and he was also hurt that I was leaving. He gave me a big bear hug and told me if I didn't come back, he would come hunt me down. Lastly, I hugged Aunt Amanda goodbye and told her that I loved her. As I walked out to my car, I turned around to see her waving and crying. My heart broke even more. I hated to hurt her. I got into my car and started the long drive to Chicago.

I couldn't think of a better way to celebrate my homecoming other than to party with my favorite cousin. I knew he was bringing his girlfriend but I didn't think anything of it. Then I saw her and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I've never experienced anything like her. I've had a few girlfriends and lots of short term involvements but none of that compared to what I felt towards her in that first meeting. There was something different about her. I wasn't sure what it was yet.

Yes, she was beautiful. Yes, she was smart. She was funny and charismatic. She was breathtaking. I'll never forget the look in her beautiful chocolate eyes when I first saw her. She almost looked like she was in another world. I instantly wanted to be in that world with her. From the first touch I swear I felt a shock run through my body. I had no idea what that was about. I didn't know if she felt it too. Maybe I was just crazy!

I tried to maintain a steady conversation with Emmett that first night to keep my mind occupied.

“So Emmett, what's been up with you since I've been away?” Easy conversation would be good.

“Not much man. Just working at the tire factory. Spending time with Bella. No kids yet. We aren't ready for a little Emmett to run around tearing up everything.” He said jokingly. He then bent down to take a sip from his drink. When his eyes were down I took a quick glance at Bella. She was playing with her straw with her index finger. She licked her lips and I could only imagine what they would feel like against mine. Her eyes looked like and endless pool of amazement. I wanted to know everything that was going through her mind.

I was interrupted when Em said “Oh and my mom said that if you don't come see her this weekend she was going to whip you when she finally sees you.”

“Ha ha. I miss your mom a lot. I'll make sure I go see her in the next couple days.” I needed to get my mind back on my cousin. My Bella daydreaming wasn't going to sit well with him if I was caught.

I knew I shouldn't have been attracted that way to my cousins' girlfriend, but she was a vision of beauty. I hadn't planned to ask them to go to the second bar with me but I just wanted to be around her a little more. I wasn't ready to let her leave yet. Even if I couldn't touch her, I could at least be near her.

I couldn't believe that Emmett would let her go dance by herself. Did he not see how stunning she was? In that skirt and those shoes, she would make any man want her. That was my one chance to touch her and not have anyone think the wrong thing. So I took it. As soon as I grabbed her hand, I felt the electricity again. It was stronger that time. I was sure she had to feel a little bit of it.

“I told Emmett it wasn't right for such a pretty woman to be dancing all alone and that I would dance with you to keep an eye on you.” It was true.

She looked completely surprised that it was me who had grabbed her hand. Even if Emmett would let her dance alone, I would not. She would definitely get hit on by some scumbag.

As we walked to the dance floor I made sure to stay behind her. I held on tight to her hand. My eyes wandered down her back to her beautiful behind. It was shaped perfectly. It was round and tight and bounced just enough as she walked in her heels.

We began to dance and I simply moved with her. I would do whatever she wanted of me. I placed my hands on her hips and felt her begin to bounce her beautiful behind against my groin. She clearly had no idea of the effect she had on me or she wouldn't have done that. I tried to control my erection but the more she bounced the bigger it grew. I never wanted her to stop.

She tried to walk away a few times but I couldn't let her go. I liked feeling the heat from her body. I liked feeling her move her body against mine. I liked the smell of her hair. I liked everything about her.

I was taking a deep whiff of her hair and it smelled like strawberries. As I was enjoying the scent she turned her head. Was she mad at me? I didn't care, our lips were mere centimeters apart. I wanted to taste her lips so badly. I was working up the nerve to lean in and kiss her when she turned her head and spotted her friends.

She managed to get away when her two friends found her. I missed her heat as soon as she left my grip. I missed the electricity. I wasn't sure if she wanted me to follow her but there was some force that was drawing me to her. So, I followed her. Her friends were obviously interested in me. They were so transparent. I was cordial to them and they were attractive but they couldn't hold a candle to Bella.

As we all talked I continued to find myself stealing glances at Bella. Her and Emmett were in their own conversation and I was a little jealous. I wanted it to be me that she was sitting so close to. I wanted to be the one she was whispering sweet nothings to. I wanted to be the one to make her laugh. Alice and Rosalie continued their pursuit. Well, not Alice so much but Rosalie was on overdrive.

The night was over and when everyone was saying goodbye I had to touch her one last time. I wanted more than a hand shake. I wanted to wrap my arms around her. When I did, it felt amazing. I think she stopped breathing for a second. She had to feel the connection. Is this what everyone means when they say that you meet someone and you just know that they are the one? It has to be. I never imagined it would be like this. That it would be so instant.

All the feelings I had ever felt toward any other woman weren't even in the same vicinity as what I was feeling for Bella. The whole night that night, I dreamed of her. She occupied every bit of my mind. The next day came and I wanted to see her again. I had to see if Emmett had plans. Hanging out with him would be the only excuse for me to see her. Luckily, he wasn't busy. When I arrived at their house Bella wasn't there. My heart sank. I was disappointed. I decided to find any reason to stay around until she came home. She would eventually have to come home.

“Dude, Emmett, you gotta get a life! You obviously play these games too much 'cause you are killing me!” I said to Emmett.

“Bro, you're skills are just are just sorry. Don't blame me. You need to get some practice.” He said jokingly. I knew he was joking but he had no clue why I was really there. I would lose these games all day just so I could see her for a mere second.

He continued to as he says 'whoop my ass' in the tournament and then I finally heard what I had been waiting on all day, the door to open.

My heart went into double time. I tried to remain calm so that Emmett wouldn't see how excited I was by the mere thought of her presence. I caught a glimpse of her standing in the kitchen. It was the best part of my whole day. She looked so beautiful.

I couldn't manage to actually speak words to her at first. When I finally was able to produce a sentence I asked her “So Bella, how are the ladies today?” I was embarrassed by the fact that sentence was the best I could come up with.

She almost looked insulted as she said “They are good. We had a great lunch. I hope you know you have had some effect on Rose.” That wasn't hard to guess but I didn't want to talk about Rosalie. Who really cared how I effected Rosalie. I wanted to know how I affected her. Normally, Rosalie would be my type but after meeting Bella, I had no interest in Rosalie at all. But then, Bella said she wanted me to call Rosalie. I would do anything for her.

I suppose she was being realistic. Whether or not she felt the same way I did, we could never be. It would hurt Emmett and he was too important to us both. I made the decision to at least attempt to date Rosalie. It couldn't hurt. Maybe being with another woman would put my mind back into the right place.

I had a lot of moving and paperwork that needed to be done. I needed to finish the paperwork on my new house. I needed to get the movers to move all of the furniture in. I had acquired a lot of things while I was in Chicago.

I went ahead and called Rosalie and set up a date for that next weekend. Go ahead and get it out of the way. She was a nice girl. She just wasn't Bella. There was no electricity or force drawing me to her. The bar had been raised and Rosalie fell short. Of course, Rosalie didn't see that. She practically threw herself at me that night.

“Edward, I see you appreciate nice clothes. What do you think of the new Dolce & Gabana collection?” She looked really excited to talk about fashion. I couldn't believe she was serious. The fact that I like quality clothing means I want to talk about fashion on a date? She was obviously superficial. I didn't mean to come across as rude or uninterested in her conversation but my mind was in other places.

“Well, Rose, I don't really pay all that much attention to clothing or fashion. I simply go for what looks good and feels comfortable.” At this point I knew the date was over. I raised my hand to get the waiters' attention and asked for the check.

She clearly didn't get the hint and on the way home she said “So do you wanna come to my place? We could have some wine and loosen up a bit?” as she used her finger to play with my earlobe.

This was getting bad. I don't even want to talk to you and you want me to come over to loosen up? Not even close.

“I'm sorry but I'm going to have to decline tonight. My house is a wreck and I have a million things to do tomorrow. Is it okay if I drop you off at home?” I sincerely said.

I could tell she was mad and disappointed when her face fell blank and she said “Sure. Whatever.”

I didn't want to be rude but this couldn't end fast enough. I couldn't very well have sex with Bella's best friend. It just felt wrong. Even if I couldn't have Bella.

I honestly had no idea what was going on with me. For the last few weeks she was all I could think about.

Then yesterday, I woke up and my stomach was killing me. I tried to take some over the counter medicine but nothing helped. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I did, however, know someone that would have an idea of how to help. I called Emmett and told him I needed some medical advice and asked him if he could get in touch with Bella for me. Instead he gave me her number. That wasn't very smart of him.

I texted her to ask about my stomach but I also just wanted to talk to her in any way possible. On my date with Rosalie she had told me what Bella had said at lunch that day and I really wanted to know if it was true or if Rosalie was just trying to be funny.

Bella told me to see the doctor and I did. Turns out it was just a stomach spasm and he gave a prescription for an anti spasm liquid. I wanted her to know that I was okay and I wanted an answer to my burning question. I couldn't think of a tactful way to weave it into the conversation so I just came out and told her that I knew and asked her if it was true. To my surprise she said yes. I was absolutely elated! Until that point, I wasn't sure if she felt the same as I did. Then I knew she at least felt something. It couldn't be easy for her to admit that she was attracted to her boyfriends' cousin. Then I stupidly told her that I wanted to be with her and that we could do it and not get caught. That was wishful thinking. I had no idea if we could pull it off and why did I assume that she would even be willing to do it? I was hoping she would reciprocate my declaration but she didn't. She had to get inside her home to Emmett.

I couldn't continue to text her. I didn't want her to have to explain why I was blowing her phone up. My mind was spinning. I needed to know if had made myself look completely stupid or if she felt the same way. Would she tell Emmett? Would she think I was a bad person? I was so confused and had no way to get any answers until the next day. It would be a long night.

Chapter 9- Twisted

2009-08-02T01:10:00.000-04:00

Bella POV

My head was still spinning from the conversation Edward and I had last night. I thought I had pushed aside my feelings for him, at least a little. As long as he wasn't around me, I was doing well suppressing the thoughts of him. Or maybe that was wishful thinking. It was out of hand and I needed to regain control over my emotions.

I couldn't believe that I had revealed any of my true feelings to Edward. It was hard to believe that we were both feeling the same thing. His feelings toward me had to be strong if he was willing to betray his favorite cousin that way. I kept hearing it in my head 'We can do it and not get caught.' How could we possibly do this to someone we cared a great deal about, and not get caught? Was he used to cheating on his women? Is this something he did often?

This scenario was an odd place for me to be. Sure, I've cheated on someone in the past but like I've said before, I've never been in a relationship this serious.

There is no way I could be intimate with Edward and then come home to his cousin and act like nothing out of the ordinary had happened. I pride myself on being a really honest person. At least, until Edward came along. I'm not sure that I am capable of doing something that devious. On the other hand, how could I deny the attraction to him? Did the attraction only feel this strong because I knew it was wrong? That damn electricity could not be denied though. I felt it in every fiber of being every time he touched me. I know he had to feel it.

Thankfully, Edward hadn't texted me anymore since the last conversation. I wasn't ready for more questions from him. I didn't have any answers to give him. My mind wasn't processing everything correctly.

What good could possibly come from the things we said? Nothing. Someone or everyone will end up hurt if we acted on this. How much am I willing to risk for a man I don't even know?

Emmett, of course, woke up horny as hell. He always was. Especially, since he had cut down his drinking. His libido was back in full force, which was good. I needed that intimate time with him to keep my feelings for Edward repressed. We really do love each other and it feels good to be able to express it. He couldn't get enough of me and I knew that I needed him. Even though it was for reasons unknown to him.

“Bella, you up?” As he tugged on my panties.

“I am now.” Now that you're trying to rip my panties off of me.

My back was to him; he kissed me on the cheek and proceeded to pull my panties all the way off. Morning sex doesn't usually last long enough for me to put any real effort into it. Usually, after a good five minutes he was done. So, I reached into my night stand drawer and grabbed my vibrator. He was getting his so I might as well get mine. I did just that, thanks to my trusty friend. He finished about the same time and all I heard from his was “Fuck you are hot this morning......uuuhhhnnnnn!” Then it was over. Time to move on to the rest of the day.

As I was cooking breakfast for us, I heard my phone alert go off. It was Alice asking if her and Rosalie could come over for some girlie pool time. I was off of work and I knew Em could find something to occupy his time. So I told them to grab some margarita supplies and come over. Em decided that he would go play basketball with some friends at the gym. We ate breakfast together and about an hour later the girls showed up with lots of tequila and margarita mix.

“Hey ladies!” Em greeted the ladies as he opened the door for them.

“Hey Em! What's going on?” Alice asked him.

“Not much. Just heading to the gym for a little basketball with the fellas. I see you ladies have a full day planned with all that liquor.”

“Ha Ha! You know us too well, Emmett. Bring some of those cute friends home for us okay?” Rosalie replied.

“I thought you and Edward were dating?” Em asked her.

“Well, I'm not sure one date counts as dating. He's your cousin. You tell me!” She looked honestly confused.

He doesn't like women that throw themselves at him! But that's all you know how to do.

“You must have done something to him to make him not want another date. What happened when y'all went out?” Em looked like he really didn't care if they dated or not but was trying to be nice.

“I didn't do anything to him. He wouldn't let me! I didn't even get a kiss. I didn't want to go home but he wouldn't let me come to his house. I wore a really hot dress. I looked amazing. All the other guys were checking me out. I don't k now what's wrong with him. Maybe he's gay.” She shrugged her shoulders.

So, if a man doesn't want to fuck you on the first night, he's gay? He's definitely not gay. He wants me. I just can't have him.

I needed to end this conversation. I didn't want to keep talking about Edward all day. I was sure Rose would bring him up enough without it starting already.

“Alright, baby. Have a good time with the guys. Tell them I said Hey! I'll see you later.” I kissed and hugged him.

“Okay baby. You ladies have fun. I'll see you later. Love you.” He said as he shut the door behind him.

The ladies and I started making the drinks. We turned up the stereo to play outside and we all grabbed our things and went outside. We sat in the chairs and started to sip our drinks. I loved being out in the sun. This was one of our favorite things to do. It was so relaxing to just catch some sun and hang out with my girls.

“So, Bella, I think Jasper and I are getting really serious.” Alice looked so giddy.

“That's great Alice. I'm glad you two are working out. When do I get to meet him? I'm beginning to think you are hiding him! I keep asking but I never see him!”

“Well, next time we all go out I'll bring him. I really like him. He's such a nice guy and is always so perceptive of my feelings.” She laid back and sipped her drink. I could really tell she liked him, maybe even loved him.

“This is bullshit!” Rose shouted.

“What the hell are you talking about?” I asked her. Here comes more Edward talk.

“You” pointing at me “have Emmett. Alice has Jasper. I went on one date with a guy that would barely touch me! What the fuck is wrong with this picture?” She threw her hands up in disgust as she laid back down.

Alice and I looked at each other, kind of shocked.

“Rose” Alice started “you will find your man too. It doesn't always happen when you want it to but you will.”

“Yeah Rose. It just happens and maybe Edward isn't the guy for you. Maybe you just like the idea of who he is.” I added. You should definitely give up on Edward because I'll never let that happen.

“I don't know y'all. I really like Edward. Bella are you sure he doesn't have a girlfriend? That would explain why he was so apprehensive about that night.”

Just because he doesn't wanna fuck you doesn't mean he has a girlfriend. Maybe he just doesn't like you!

“I really don't know if he has a girlfriend or not. I haven't seen him much and Emmett doesn't really discuss Edward's personal life with me. Why don't you just call him?”

“Yeah Rose. Just call him. You are a strong woman. Go for what you want.” Alice added.

Not helping Alice! Just worry about Jasper!

“You're right Alice! I am a strong beautiful woman. I'm just gonna call him.” She looked satisfied with that.

We continued in casual conversation. We talked about Alice and Jasper some more. We talked about work and family and all the normal subjects.

We were pretty hammered by the time Em came home. We were laying on our floats in the pool when Em walked outside. We were all singing a horrible version of the song on the radio.

“Well well. I see some ladies have had way too much to drink today.” He said jokingly.

“Hey baby!” I exclaimed.

“Hey Emmett!” They both greeted him.

“So, I take it the drinks were good?” He asked us.

“You don't see any left do you?” I said sarcastically.

“So good ole Emmett” Rose turned her float to face Em. “What's with Edward? HIV? Girlfriend? Drug dealer? Mobster? Give me the dirt.”

I could not believe she was honestly asking Em these questions about Edward. She was already a blunt type of person and especially now that she was drunk and frustrated. Could you fucking let it go already?

“Rosalie, I am not going to sit here and discuss his life with you. If he wanted you to know he would have told you. I'm sorry if he doesn't want to keep dating you. Just move on already.” He looked pissed. “Bella, I'm gonna shower and meet Edward for some beers. I'll see you when I get home.” With that he walked into the house. I could tell he was pissed that Rose only wanted to talk to him about Edward.

We decided that we had been out in the sun long enough and it was time to go inside. After all the liquor and the sun draining our energy, we needed a nap. I laid on the couch in the living room and quickly drifted off. When I woke up, I noticed that everyone was gone. The girls left a note that said they didn't want to wake me and would talk to me the next day. I assumed Em was out with Edward.

I realized that I hadn't checked my phone all day since the girls had arrived. There were several text messages. I was apprehensive to open them; afraid of who they were from. I wasn't sure I was ready to talk to him again.

All of them were from Edward. He hadn't said anything out of line. I guess he was afraid that Em would check the phone. I responded, knowing Em was with him, and asked him what he wanted. He texted me back and said he just wanted to finish our conversation from last night. We continued to text each other back and forth. Him saying he couldn't stop thinking about me. I was saying the same thing but we could never be. I finally was fed up with us going back and forth and I ended the conversation.

I was in the shower when Em came back home. “Hey babe. What ya doing?” He asked as he sat down on the bathroom counter.

“Just showering Em. What did you think I was doing? Ending world hunger?” I replied jokingly.

“Funny funny Bella. What you got planned tonight?”

“Nothing much. Maybe watch a movie. Wanna watch with me?” I asked him.

“Yeah that sounds good.” He said as he left the room.

I finished my shower and got dressed. I then went to meet him in the living room. We decided on a movie and sat down next to each other on the couch.

“Bella, I'm not being an asshole but could you tell Rosalie that I am not Edwards' keeper and if she wants to know things about him then she needs to ask him?” I could hear the sharpness in his voice.

“I'll tell her Em. I was sick of hearing that shit too. I'll take care of it.” Not that she would listen to me but I would tell her.

I was watching the movie when I heard Em snoring.

I had been secretly contemplating all day if I would actually have the guts to go through with seeing Edward. I couldn't even fathom being alone with him. Simply dancing with him made me wet. It was hard to form complete sentences around him. How could I handle being alone with him in a close proximity? I knew he was ready. I knew that sneaking away while Em was asleep maybe the only chance I get. If I sneak out while he's sleeping he couldn't question where I was going. I could come up with something later. I could tell him I was at a friends' house hanging out. He would believe that.

I finally got up the nerve and texted Edward.

Can you meet me tonight? B

The message was sent now. There was no turning back. I couldn't believe I had really just sent it.

Are you serious? Where? What time? E

Fuck! I have no clue.

ASAP. You tell me where. B

If he couldn't make it tonight I wasn't sure that it would ever happen again. I may never get the nerve again.

Leaving in five. Hilton at the Airport. E

Wow....this is really gonna happen. I can't believe I'm doing this! Shit!

Okay. Text you when I get there. B

Now, I actually had to leave the house. My stomach was in knots. My pulse was racing. I was scared of getting caught and I was excited to see him all at the same time. Can I really do this?

Chapter 10- VIP

2009-08-02T01:05:00.000-04:00

Bella POV

Here I was, standing at the front door. Could I really do this? My head was completely spinning. I felt like I was going to vomit. I had one hand on the door knob and the other holding a small bag with a nice bra and panties set inside. My breathing was irregular. I kept looking towards the living room waiting on Em to wake up and catch me. He would definitely question where I was going with a change of under garments.

I knew what I was planning to do was wrong. I knew how being cheated on felt and I didn't want to do that to Em. I knew the rule was to break up with someone if you feel the need to cheat. All of these things that I knew meant nothing at that time.

The plan has already been set in motion. I couldn't stop it now. I've fantasized about him for too long. Fantasized about his lips touching mine. His hands roaming my body. The way he would feel on top of me. How his mouth would taste. What it would feel like to run my hands through his hair. I wanted him. I wanted to do this.

I needed to hurry and walk out the door before Em woke up. The longer I waited, the harder it would be.

I walked out the door and carefully shut the door behind me. I did it.

When I got to my car, I knew I would have to hurry and drive off before I either backed out or got caught. My stomach was in knots. How in the hell am I supposed to look sexy when I can barely keep food down?

I drove down the street and out of the neighborhood. I reached the gas station not far away and pulled in. I put my head against the steering wheel and tried to control my breathing and wrap my head around exactly what I was doing. I still couldn't believe I was going through with it. This is not the type of person I usually am. I didn't know who Edward had turned me into. I was thinking bad things towards Rose. I'm sneaking out of my house to meet my boyfriends' cousin. I feel like I'm sneaking out of my parents' house again.

I managed to regain control over my body and walked into the restroom at the station. I needed to change my underwear. I hadn't been wearing anything particularly sexy and I couldn't very well go meet someone like Edward in plain panties and bra that didn't match. His standards were obviously above cotton underwear. I'm sure even his underwear is Gucci.

So, I changed into my pink and black Victoria's Secret bra and thong. It looked really good on me. My breasts aren't that big but this bra pushes them into some awesome cleavage. I was wearing a black camisole type top and jeans that hugged my hips just right and my black 'stripper shoes' as I call them. I needed to look my best. I was afraid if I didn't he would back out. Stupid! What guy is gonna pay for a hotel room and then back out because my underwear doesn't match? I knew it was crazy but I obviously wasn't thinking rationally or I wouldn't be in the gas station restroom changing my underwear.

I got back in the car and began the drive to the hotel. I lived far enough away that hopefully no one would know me. Just my luck, I'd be walking to the room and see someone I knew. I couldn't think like that. I plugged in my iPod and turned on some slow R&B songs. Ease my mind a little bit.

I arrived at the hotel. It was about a thirty minute drive. It felt like it was three minutes. Time seemed to be slipping away. I wasn't ready to be there. My nerves were still on high.

I parked in the back of the hotel. I couldn't have my car in the front for everyone to see. I needed us to be as hidden as possible. We needed to minimize all chances for anyone to see us. Period.

I texted Edward to tell him that I had arrived.

Shit you're fast. I thought you would back out on me. Glad you didn't. Just around the corner. Be there in the next ten minutes. -E

Fuck! This is really happening. I really never thought this would happen.

Here I am sitting in my car waiting on him. My fucking panties got wet just from the thought of being alone with him. I was pretty sure at this point all he would have to do is touch me and I would orgasm all over myself.

I texted him back.

Ok. I'm in the back. See you soon. -B

My heart felt like it would literally beat out of my chest. My pulse was was racing. I couldn't breathe. My palms were sweaty. I needed to regain my composure or he would definitely think I was crazy. My mind never stopped racing the whole time I was waiting on him. Edward, sex, kissing, lips, touching, hands, smell, taste, sensation, sex, cock, orgasm. Fuck! I needed to get it together.

Then I saw his car pull around the hotel. Fuck Fuck Fuck! I can't back out now. Breathe breathe. I watched his car pull into the space just in front of mine.

He sat inside his car for a few minutes. His windows were tinted and I couldn't see what he was doing. What was he waiting for? I wasn't going to get out until he did. Had he changed his mind now that he was here? I took these last few moments to spray on a little perfume. Everything needed to be perfect.

I saw him open his door and I shut off my engine. I stepped out of the car and walked towards him. His back was to me at first. I could see how broad his shoulders were. I could see the definition in his arms. I could only imagine what those muscles would do to me. He finally turned around as I walked toward him and the light hit his face. Oh God. He looks amazing. He's perfect. Those sparkling eyes and teeth and that damn hair. It was completely messy but also perfectly in place. He was dressed in a simple pair of jeans and a gray t-shirt. Even in casual clothes this man looked amazing. When his eyes locked with mine I saw the most beautiful smile on his face. It alone could melt my heart.

I finally reached him and even though it had only been about forty five seconds it seemed like forty five minutes. Time completely stopped when I was looking at him. “You're really here!” he stated. He really looked shocked. How could I not be here? Has any woman ever turned you down?

“I know right?! Who would've thought?” God I sound like an idiot. That's the best I can come up with? Stupid!

We started to walk toward the back door of the hotel. How in the hell are we supposed to get in this door? Do you come here often?

As if he read my mind, “I have a friend that works the desk. She unlocked the door for us.” You haven't been back but like a month and you already have the hook up at the hotels? You must come here a lot. Or be fucking the desk clerk. None of that mattered. He was here with me and that's what I needed to concentrate on. My heart was still beating furiously.

“Oh, well excuse me big baller!” I was joking hoping to break the tension. He didn't seem to feel it as much as I did. Guess he did this type of thing more than I did.

We walked in the hotel and went to the elevator lobby. I was waiting on my legs to give out at any moment.

The hotel was absolutely silent. You could hear a pin drop. He could probably hear my heart beat.

I couldn't even look at him at that time. I really was afraid that I would faint. I just stood there staring at the elevator doors like an idiot. What the hell am I doing? I should leave now. I can't leave. Look at that man next to you. He's fucking gorgeous. Ugh!!!

The elevator finally came and he allowed me to get on first. A gentleman too. He got on and pressed the button for the top floor. The top floor? That's where the suites are. He wouldn't have?

I didn't say anything about what I was thinking. I didn't want to assume that he had spent that much money on a room that no one would be spending the night in. Did he think we were spending the night here? He couldn't! He knows I have to go home.

The elevator doors opened at the top floor and we exited. He let me off first but I had to stand and wait for him to tell me which way to go. He took the room key out of his pocket and pointed to my left. “The room is this way Bella.” We started to walk down the hallway. I felt his hand press against my lower back. Ohhhhh! That fucking electricity again.

“Are you okay Bella?” He asked.

I think I am. I'm breathing but not very well. I have a pulse but it's off the charts.

“Yeah. I'm alright. Just a little scared.” I admitted.

We reached the room and he unlocked the door and opened the door for me to enter. I walked inside and my breathing stopped. This room was amazing. It wasn't just a room though, it was a suite. I'm sure it cost a lot of money.

I entered into the living room with a couch, chair and coffee table that looked almost antique. The furniture had beautiful cherry wood arms and burgundy upholstery. I then entered the bedroom where there was a mini fridge in the bottom of the entertainment center and a huge flat screen TV. The carpet was plush and flawless. There was a huge king size four poster bed in the center of the bedroom. The bedding was chocolate and blue. I could tell it was pricey. Even the lighting looked amazing. The bathroom was gigantic. It had double sinks with black marble counter tops. There was jacuzzi tub and a stand up shower. This was the most amazing hotel room I had ever been in.

After I was done exploring the room. I walked back into the bedroom. I wasn't really sure how to go about this. I've been with Em so long that I don't know how to go about a first kiss anymore much less anything beyond kissing. Do I attack him? Do I sit and wait? Do I make small talk? What the fuck! This is a mistake. I have no idea what I'm doing.

I saw him set his small bag on the dresser and walk over to close the curtains. I wondered what was in that little bag. Condoms, lube, toys. I decided to sit on the edge of the bed and wait for him to make the first move. My mind was still racing. I couldn't even process all of the thoughts that were going through it. Am I really gonna be able to be naked in front of him? Will he really go through with it? Is he gonna tell Em? Is he gonna think of me differently after this? What happens after this? How can we be around each other again? UGHHHH!!!! I had to stop thinking completely.

I looked up at him as he turned around to face me. He had a slight smirk on his face. Even his fucking smirks turn me on. He walked over to the bed and leaned down. He grabbed my shoulders and looked in my eyes and said “What are you doing here?” My heart instantly sped up from his touch. The freaking electricity.

What the fuck do you mean what am I doing here? What do you think? What are you doing here? Can you not question me? I might back out. I might lose my nerve. Just hurry and kiss me already.

I was staring longingly into his eyes and waiting on him to lean down and press his lips onto mine when I felt my phone vibrate. Who the fuck is calling me now?

Chapter 11- That's What It's Made It For.

2009-08-02T01:00:00.000-04:00

Bella POV

Why is someone calling me right now? What the fuck?

“I'm sorry. I need to see who that is.” I hesitantly said to Edward. He released my shoulders from his grasp and I immediately missed his touch. I reached in my purse and grabbed my phone. Fucking phone! I looked at the screen and it was Rosalie. Well isn't this interesting. You're calling me and I'm in a hotel with the man that you can't get. Ha Ha! I hit the ignore button. There was no time to talk to her now. She could leave a voice mail. I contemplated turning my phone off completely but if Em called he would think something was wrong if it didn't at least ring.

I looked back up at Edward who was still standing right in front of me looking down at me. Oh God! Where were we? My pulse was racing again.

He didn't say anything. He just looked at me with his glistening emerald green eyes. I could get lost in his eyes. He then licked his lips and reached out his hand for mine. Without breaking our locked eyes, I slid my hand into his. It felt nice and sweet.

He lightly pulled on my hand; silently asking for me to stand up. I complied, hoping my legs wouldn't give out. I was so nervous and would be really embarrassed if I couldn't at least stand. He then reached for my other hand, I again gave it to him. He was rubbing light small circles on the tops of my hands with his thumbs.

He lifted my hands up to his neck and placed them on the back of his neck. He then released his hands and slid them down my arms. A slight shiver went through my entire body. Mmmmmmm. He rested his hands on the small of my back and gently pulled me into his body. Oh God! I can't handle being this close to him. It was what I wanted but never thought I would get.

As our bodies touched, he bent his face down to mine. Our eyes still locked. Oh my God Oh my God he's really gonna kiss me.

His lips finally touched mine. I couldn't breathe; my heart almost jumped out of my chest. The electric current was stronger than it had ever been. It warmed my whole body. His lips were so soft and smooth. The kiss started out soft and slow. I kept my eyes closed. I wanted to stay in this moment forever.

The kiss began to grow. I could feel him put more force behind his lips. He then licked my lips asking for entrance into my mouth. I couldn't deny him. I wanted him too badly. My God his mouth tastes good! It's like peppermint and fruit. Our tongues began to dance with each other. Circling and stroking the other. His teeth lightly grazed my tongue and he began to gently suck on my tongue. I weaved my fingers into his hair and pulled him closer to me. It was the most amazing kiss I've ever had. I could kiss him all day.

He lifted his head and looked down at me almost dazed. I didn't know if it was good or bad. Is he changing his mind? Was the kiss not good for him?

He then grabbed my hands and pulled them to his chest and placed them over his heart. “Do you feel what you do to me?” I nodded. “You make me feel like my heart is going to explode. I've never felt this way after a kiss.”

What? Are you really telling me this? You are Edward Cullen, I'm sure you've had better kissers than me.

“You're just saying that.” I said softly.

“No, Bella, I'm not. I've never been more serious. It makes me crazy. I don't understand it.”

“You do the same thing to me. I've tried to fight it but I can't. You're all I think about.” I was totally honest and I couldn't believe I was telling him these things.

He grabbed me by my waist and pulled me into him for another kiss. I gladly hopped up into him and kissed him with every ounce of my body. He walked the few steps to the bed and laid me down on my back while he stayed on top of me, never breaking our kiss.

He slid his hands down the sides of my abdomen to the hem of my shirt. He slowly lifted it up and over my breasts. It was almost like he was waiting on me to stop him. Do whatever you want to me. I won't stop you.

I pulled him into my mouth more to let him know it was okay. I felt his palms run across the top of my bra and my nipples quickly responded to his touch. He broke our kiss and pulled my shirt over my head. As soon as the shirt was over my head, his lips crashed into mine. I've never enjoyed a kiss this much.

His hands made their way back down to my bra. He gently massaged my breasts through the fabric. Oh God. Take off the bra now. I want to feel your hands on me. He slid my bra up and over my breasts. He pulled away from the kiss and looked down at my breasts as his hands cupped them and said “They are so beautiful.” He then slid his body down and positioned his mouth directly above my right breast. I could feel the heat from his breath on my nipple. Please please put your mouth on my tit. I need to feel it. Now.

As he returned to massaging my breasts, he slid his tongue out of his mouth and slowly licked my right nipple. Uuuhhhhnnnn. Oh God! My breathing became more shallow and my pulse again was racing. He continued to lick my nipple in slow circles and then took it into his mouth. Shit! I looked down at him. I wanted to actually see him doing this to me. I was still in disbelief. He didn't look up at me. He must have been enjoying himself.

He then moved over to my left breast and began licking my nipple. Again, he moved his tongue in small circles around my nipple before taking it in his mouth. He lifted up and looked at me. Our eyes locked but nothing was said. There were no words that needed to be said right now. Even though we knew it was wrong; it was feeling so right.

He moved his body farther down to rest his knees on the carpet at the foot of the bed. His palms slid down my abdomen as he placed light kisses down the center. His hands reached the button of my jeans and he looked back up to me as if to ask permission. You can have whatever you want. Just fucking do it! I nodded to him.

He undid the button slowly. Then he slid my jeans down my bottom and off my legs. I was then laying there in nothing but my pink and black lace g-string. What is he thinking?

He ran his hands from my feet up to my knees and kissed the insides of them. He then slid his hands all the way up my thighs until he reached my butt. Placing gentle kisses on the insides of my thighs; he massaged the back of my thighs. He made his was closer and closer to my hot wet center. Fuck!!! Lick it already!!!

He pulled back and grabbed the sides of my panties and pulled them down. I was totally naked in front of him. Oh shit! I can't believe this is about to happen. He leaned in to lightly lick my slit. Fuck fuck fuck!!!! The electricity amazingly grew in intensity and continuous currents ran through my body. He continued to lick the length of my slit. He slid his tongue in between the lips of my pussy and then he flicked my clit with his tongue. “Uuhhhnnnn!!! I'm so close.” It wouldn't take him long as excited as I was.

He slid his tongue inside my pussy and gently moved in and out. Then as he slid his tongue back up the length of my slit; he kissed my clit and then sucked it into his mouth. With that, my orgasm erupted through me as my whole body shook I yelled out “Oh shit Edward! Oh my God! Oh Oh Oh...... FFFUUUCCCKKKK!!!!”

He pulled back and looked up at me pleased with his achievement. I couldn't do anything other look at him and pant as I tried to regain control of my body. After a few seconds, I sat up and leaned in to kiss him. I didn't care if he tasted like me, I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to feel his tongue in my mouth. As we kissed I reached down to grab the hem of his shirt and pull it over his head. It broke our kiss but I got to see his beautifully sculpted chest. He was so beautiful.

He stood up and I ran my palms over the tight muscles in his chest. As I slid my hands down his abdomen, I leaned in to place light kisses on his chest. His skin smelled so good. It was a mix of clean cotton and slight musk. I ran my tongue over his left nipple and a slight moan escaped from his mouth.

I looked up to him and his head was thrown back. He rested his hands on my shoulders and massaged them gently. I ran my tongue down the center of his abdomen as I began to unbutton his jeans. I slid them down to the ground. He really was standing in front of my in his boxer briefs. Gucci, of course. Fuck! His dick is big!!

I could see his erection straining against the fabric. I grabbed the elastic band and pulled down his boxer briefs and his erection sprang free. Automatically my hand went to grab it. Even his dick is beautiful. His cock was thick, long and smooth. It was flawless. My mouth watered at the mere sight. I pumped his cock with my hands a few times; licked my lips and leaned in to lick it.

I slowly and lightly licked the small slit on the head. “Oh God Bella.”

I ran my tongue up and down the length and sides of his cock. Making sure it was covered in my saliva. I then took in my mouth as much of his cock as I could. The head pressed against the back of my throat. Your dick fucking tastes good! Fuck! I continued to pump his cock with my hand and my mouth. He weaved his fingers into my hair and began to set the pace for me. I lightly grazed his cock with my teeth. When I moaned against his cock, he pulled my head back, looked down at me and said “Fuck, you can't do that. I don't want to come yet. I want this to last longer.”

He then pushed me back on to the bed and climbed on the bed in between my legs. As he leaned down I could feel his cock pressed against my pussy. Ohhhh fuck!!!! Just put it in now!!! I can't wait any longer!!!

He began grinding his cock against my pussy and I thought I would explode again. He kissed me with so much passion. It was no longer light and gentle; it was now forceful and strong. Then I felt his cock smoothly slide into my pussy. The electricity was magnified a thousand times. The current now ran from inside of me out. Oh God Oh God it feels so good. Wait....he's not wearing a condom. What the hell?

I wanted to stop him and ask him why but I couldn't bring myself to pull away from his kiss. Thank God I'm on the pill. I ran my hands up and down his back as he slowly pumped in and out of me. His cock felt so amazing inside of me. It felt right; like this was where we were meant to be. Like a puzzle, the pieces fit so well together.

I opened my eyes to sneak a look at his face. I wanted to see what he looked like while he was making me feel like this. To my surprise his eyes were also open. Could we really be this much alike? We continued to look at each other, never breaking the kiss. I knew I wouldn't last long.

He grabbed my arms and pulled them above my head and held them down with his hands. He slid his mouth over and kissed my cheek. He kissed all the way over to my ear where he licked my outer ear lobe. “Ohhhh God Edward! What are you trying to do to me?”

Continuing his thrusts he replied “I'm trying to make you feel good. Do you feel good?” You fucking joking? I feel amazing!!!!

“It's more than good. Edward....... I...... I......I'm gonna come again! Oh shit!! Fuck fuck fuck Edward!” I shouted.

He held my arms down on the bed and my whole body shook and became flushed. I was now panting and my muscles were completely useless. I looked at him and eyes were wide as he looked at me.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” I was slightly embarrassed and felt a little bad. I had two orgasms already and he hasn't had one.

“You look so beautiful when you come.” He said sincerely. Wow! That's a compliment I don't get everyday.

“Ohhh, there's the hot spot. Fuck, Bella. Your pussy is so hot and wet. I'm not gonna last much longer.”

“Come for me Edward. I want you to come.” I wanna see the look on your beautiful face.

He quickened his thrusts and a few moments later he rested his forehead against mine and pulled his cock out and said “Fuuuucccckkkk! Bella, Oh God!” His whole body shook against mine. A few drops of sweat fell from his face. I reached up to wipe the rest of them off.

When he stopped shaking he pressed his lips against mine and rolled us over on to our sides. I pulled away and looked at him. I didn't know what to say. What can you say at that point? Thanks for the orgasms, bye! You know we shouldn't but let's do it again. That was amazing. Your cock is magic. They all sounded stupid. We laid there staring at each other for a few moments and he finally said “Bella, I can't even describe that. What you just did to me.” I felt the same way.

“I know. Words aren't good enough.” I replied.

“I don't want to get up but we should clean up.” He began to roll of the bed and I started to get up when he said “No. You stay. I'll be right back.”

“Umm, okay.” What the hell is he gonna do now? I need to wash off.

I watched him walk his beautiful ass into the bathroom. His ass was very toned.

I heard the water running and after a few seconds he returned to the bedroom with a wet washcloth in his hand. He walked over to me and began wiping his come off of my stomach with the warm cloth. You're so thoughtful. What man comes to clean up his own come?

When it was all gone he reached for my hand and said “Now, you can get up.” I gave him my hand and climbed off the bed. We both walked into the bathroom. As we cleaned ourselves up I kept looking at him in the mirror. Watching the way his muscles moved and flexed as he washed himself off. This man was sexy doing anything.

He caught me looking at him and laughed and said “Don't feel bad. I didn't close my eyes the entire time.” I was totally shocked. “I wanted to memorize how your face looks during sex.” Whoa! Really?

I set the rag down on the edge of the sink and walked over to him. I put my hand on my hip and looked up into his eyes and said “Well, did you like what you see?”

He grabbed my waist and pulled me into him and said “You know I did. I just told you how beautiful you are when you come. Don't act crazy!” He then leaned down to kiss me again. I wrapped my arms around his neck and deepened the kiss. After a few moments, he released me from his grip and tapped me on the butt and said “You better get out of here before you get in trouble.” Was he serious? Did he want me to leave already?

I sadly walked into the bedroom and put on my bra and panties. As I reached for my jeans he grabbed them from me. “What are you doing?” He asked.

“You told me to get out of here.” I said softly.

He laughed under his breath and said “I meant get out of the bathroom before I had to take you right there. Not get out of the hotel.”

Stupid! “Oh.” I said as I looked down at the ground.

“Come here crazy” he said laughingly. He pulled me onto the bed with him. We laid for a while just touching and looking at each other. We didn't say anything. We didn't need to say anything. Our actions had said it all. Even my mind was silent. I was simply trying to take it all in. To etch every part of him into my mind permanently.

Edward finally broke the silence and said “Bella, I know it's late and you probably have to go but would it be greedy of me to ask for one more time?” Greedy? Hell! I'd be the greedy one. Of course you can have it again. Who knows if this will ever happen again.

“You don't have to ask Edward. You can have me as long as you like.” He reached over kissing me again. This time didn't take as long to get started. He reached around and unhooked my bra. He then slid my panties off as I pulled down his boxer briefs. I grabbed his cock and stroked it. He was already hard. He reached his hand down and stroked my pussy. I was already wet from the touching we had been doing.

I rolled him onto his back and straddled his waist. I took his cock and impaled myself on it. He rested his hands on my hips and let out a small moan. As I rocked back and forth I placed his hands onto my breasts. “Mmmmmmm Edward your hands feel so good on me.” He massaged my breasts and I began to rock quicker against him. I could feel my orgasm quickly approaching. He then rose up and sucked on my right breast. That was all it took for my orgasm to overcome me. I threw my head back and shouted “Shit..... Edward.....Oh God... I'm gonna come....... Fuck.....Edward!”

He laid back down and started rocking against him as fast as I could. I wanted him to come again. I wanted to see that look on his face one more time.

“Bella....... you're.....gonna.....make....me.....come.......oh shit Bella!!!” He yelled as he firmly grasped my hips and pumped his come inside of me. Oh shit! He didn't even pull out. Fuck!

When he loosenedd his grip I rolled on to my side and stared at him. I couldn't believe he just did that.

“I'm sorry Bella. You just felt so good and I didn't want you to move. Are you mad?” Am I mad? I take my pills religiously so I highly doubt I would get pregnant.

“No. I'm not mad. We just can't do that anymore. I'm on the pill but ya know it's not one hundred percent effective.”

He kissed me and said “Oh thank God. I won't do it anymore. Does that mean you want to do this again?” He asked.

Fuck! I don't know. I want to but I have to see if I can get away with this one.

“We will have to play it by ear. I want to but who knows if we will get the chance again.”

“You're right. I really hope we can though.”

We both got up and went to the bathroom to clean off. When we were done washing off I noticed that it had gotten to be really late. I needed to get home before Em woke up and got worried about me. I was surprised that he hadn't called yet.

We got dressed and gathered our stuff. I changed back into my original panties and bra. We left the room and headed back down the elevators to the lobby. I feel like such a slut. Who leaves hotels this late other than hookers? Fucking walk of shame.

We reached the lobby and exited through the back door. He walked me to my car and said “Bella, I can't believe this finally happened. I've wanted you since I first met you.”

“Really? I feel the same way.” He leaned in to kiss me and after a few glorious moments it was over.

“Let me know you're home safe, okay?” He asked.

“I will. Drive safe.” He opened my door for me and once I was in he shut it behind me. I started the engine and rolled down my window. He reached in and kissed me one last time. I didn't want it to end but I knew I had to get home. He turned and walked away. I watched him reach his car and get in.

I sat in the car for a few minutes just thinking. I needed to get my head together before I went home.

I really cannot believe I just did that? This is not the type of person I am. What has he done to me already? How can I go back home and act like nothing happened? Could we, would we do this again? How the fuck can I be thinking about that already? Ugh! Fuck!

I took a few deep breaths and turned on my iPod. I put on some upbeat music that always puts me in a good, carefree mood and put the car in drive.

Chapter 12-Tell Me It's Real.

2009-08-02T00:55:00.000-04:00

Edward POV

I was sitting on my couch watching a little TV when my phone alerted me to an incoming text message. I had talked with Bella earlier but it didn't go as well as I wanted. I simply wanted to make her understand that she was all I could think about but somewhere it went wrong.

Emmett and I were having a few beers talking about typical guy shit. Sports, women, guns. I was just trying to relax a little but I couldn't get her off of my mind. I had to talk to her somehow, even though Emmett was sitting right next to me.

Hey Bella. What you up to today? E

Why isn't she responding to me? Did it not go through? Did she not want to talk to me anymore? Had I crossed the line? Is she okay? It sure has been a while since I sent the text to her.

Emmett and I continued in our conversation. “You think the Falcons are gonna be any good this season?” I asked him. I hadn't kept up with football lately and I knew it would keep his mind occupied for a while.

“Well, Cuz, I think they will be decent. Did a good job last season with a rookie quarterback..” He continued talking but I tuned him out. I couldn't help thinking of Bella. Why hadn't she responded yet?

Finally, Hey Edward. Not much today. Just hanging at the pool with the girls. You still with Em? B

Whew! Maybe she hadn't written me off completely.

Yeah, just having a few beers. I just wanted to you to know I can't stop thinking about you. E

Was that being too forward? I have no idea. Never went behind someone's back like this. She needed to know the truth though.

Really? Me too. It's so weird to think of someone all day that you can't have. B

Wow! Could it be true? Was she just fucking with me? Did she really think of me all day? My pulse raced with just the thought of her thinking of me.

I know the feeling but I told you we can do this and not get caught. E

No, Edward, we can't. It's wrong. It will cause too much pain. B

Did she really believe that? I would make sure we never got caught! Anything for her.

Bella, I can promise you we would not get caught. No one will ever know. Our little secret. Just one time. E

Edward, I can't continue to debate this with you. The answer is no. Period. B

She couldn't mean that. I would have to find a way to make her see.

“Dude, what ya got going on over there? One of the chosen few hot chicks you're hooking up with?” Em asked me jokingly.

“Nah, just an old friend. Not really hooking up with anyone. I had a girl back home but we broke up right before I left and now she's trying to get me back. Between all her dramatic shit and the move, I haven't really had the energy to hook up with anyone.” I hadn't told anyone about Tanya but I figured it was time someone knew. I didn't tell Emmett at first, since we had broken up but now she was trying really hard to get me back.

Emmett didn't ask anymore questions about Tanya. He was always a good person to talk to. He didn't pry, he would always let me tell him things in my own time. I felt bad for not telling Bella about Tanya but we weren't together and she never actually asked. I wanted her so badly and couldn't take the chance on her looking for a reason to say no.

I dropped Em off a few hours ago. I didn't want him to risk driving after drinking. I only had two beers the whole time we were there but he had at least five or six. I was still trying to figure out how I could convince Bella to meet me. How I could show her that I would do anything for her; that I would never let her get caught with me. I would sneak around with her as long as she would let me. I couldn't ask her to give up her relationship for something with someone she barely knew. I couldn't ask that of her.

Can you meet me tonight? B

Oh shit! Is she serious? Is she playing with my head? I had given up hope for even speaking to me for at least the rest of the night. Of course I would meet her tonight. I'd meet her in hell if it meant I could touch her again.

Are you serious? Where? What time? E

No fucking chance I would pass this up. My heart was already beating through my chest just from the thought of her wanting to meet me. I jumped up and raced upstairs to take a quick shower and change clothes.

ASAP. You tell me where? B

ASAP! Yes!!! Where could we go? Somewhere not close to her home, somewhere nice.

Leaving in five. Hilton at the airport. E

I knew the Hilton well. It had very nice suites and the girl that worked the front desk was an old friend of mine. I called her and got her to book me in one of the suites. I gave her my debit card number and said she would have my key waiting for me at the desk.

Okay. Text you when I get there. B

I was really hoping this wasn't a joke. I've never been this excited over a girl and it would not be cool if she was just fucking with my head.

My mind was racing as I got in the car and drove to the hotel. How was she getting away from Emmett? She would obviously have to lie to him. She couldn't exactly tell him she was coming to a hotel to meet me. What had made her change her mind? Why now?

It was only a twenty minute drive to the hotel. I needed to calm the fuck down before she saw me. She would think I was fucking idiot and would turn around and go home immediately.

I was almost there when my phone alerted me again.

I'm pulling in now. B

Fuck! She's really there! I honestly expected her to back out on me. My heart jumped.

Shit you're fast. I thought you would back out on me. Glad you didn't. Just around the corner. Be there in the next ten minutes. -E

Is she as nervous as I am? I tried to relax and gather my thoughts.

Ok. I'm in the back. See you soon. -B

I pulled into the front of the hotel and walked in to meet Giana. I walked up to the desk but no one was there so I tapped the bell. Giana walked out of the door behind the desk and smiled to me and said “Hey Edward. I got your key right here. Your room number is 1711. It's a really nice suite. I think you will like it.”

“I can't thank you enough Giana.” I handed her a one hundred dollar bill for being so helpful on such short notice.

“Oh and I unlocked the back door for you. In case you want a little privacy.”

“Thanks again.” I said to her as I walked towards the front doors.

I got back in my car and drove around the back of the hotel. I spotted her car as soon as I rounded the corner. She's really fucking here! I cannot believe it!

I backed my car into the spot in front of hers. I sat inside my car for a few minutes still trying to compose myself. I needed to look calm and collected when I saw her. She must have been waiting on me to get out of the car because I didn't see her move until I opened my door. As I stepped out, I popped a piece of gum into my mouth. I wasn't going to turn around to look at her until I knew I didn't look like a fucking retard. I heard her heels hitting the concrete on her way towards me and I finally turned around and she was right there in the beautiful moonlight looking like the most amazingly beautiful sexy angel on Earth. I couldn't help but to smile at the sight of her.

She looked nervous and I didn't want her to feel that way. I wanted her to know that she would always be safe with me. I would never let anything happen to her. She finally reached me and being the shocked fucking idiot I am; all I could spit out was “You're really here!” Real eloquent.

She shrugged her shoulders and said “I know right?! Who would've thought?” Not me. That's for sure. I was sure you would never be here.

I didn't really know what to say to her so I just started walking towards the back door, hoping she would follow me. She did and she looked a little confused as to why we were heading to the back door . I told her that I had a friend that worked here. She made some joke about me having a lot of money. I just hoped she didn't think I had been here with other women.

The hotel was quiet as we walked in. We stood waiting for an elevator and I could hear her taking short breaths. I wanted to calm her down but didn't know what to say. The elevator finally arrived and I held the doors open for her to enter first. I entered behind her and pressed the button for the seventeenth floor. I stepped back against the rail and looked at her. She was so beautiful and I wanted to touch her so badly but I wanted her to be comfortable first.

The doors opened and I let her off first. She stopped after exiting, not knowing which was the room was. I pulled out the room key and pointed to our left and told her which way to go. I pressed my hand against the small of her back as we walked and I instantly felt the surge of electricity I had been missing. I asked her if she was okay. I wanted to make sure that everything was absolutely perfect. I unlocked the door to the suite for her and held the door open for her to enter.

She looked like a child as she took in the suite. I could tell she had never been in a room this nice. I walked behind her as she toured the room. I could watch her all day. Even if we weren't going to get physical tonight, I would take what I could get.

I sat down my small black bag on the dresser. I always carried this bag in my car. Never knowing when I would need soap or washcloths and I always kept a few condoms in there. Better safe than sorry. I walked over to close the curtains. I needed this to be between only us.

I turned around to look at her, I still couldn't believe she was really here with me. She was sitting on the edge of the bed and I walked over to her. I grabbed her shoulders and looked in her eyes. “What are you doing here?” She continued to stare into my eyes. Was she confused by the question? I just wanted her to tell me what made her finally come here but maybe I didn't word the question right. Stupid!

Before I could say anything else I heard her phone vibrate. I really hoped it wasn't Emmett. She would surely leave after that call. I was certain it would break the mood. I couldn't let this opportunity pass. Fate has to be on my side this time. I released her shoulders and she looked at her phone and must have ignored the call. That had to mean it wasn't Emmett. Thank you God!

I wanted tonight to be different from anything I had ever done. It already was different, I've never wanted to have sex with one of my cousins' girlfriends before. I wanted this night to be special. I may only get to have her one time and I was determined to make her see how unique she was and see just what she meant to me. She was the center of my universe and didn't even know it.

She put the phone down and looked back up at me. She took my breath with a simple look. I could tell she had never done this type of thing before. Her deep chocolate eyes looked up at me for guidance. So, I reached for her hand and pulled her up. I began rubbing small circles on the tops of her hands and I was instantly relaxed. Her touch had those types of effects on my body.

I lifted her hands to my neck and gazed into her eyes and I knew then that I had to kiss her. I had waited long enough and it was now time. I leaned down and towards her slowly. I could feel her breath on my lips as I became closer. Finally, my lips pressed into hers. She tasted like strawberries. Her lips were soft and moist. I tried to resist the urge to deepen the kiss but I had to taste her tongue. She allowed me entrance to her mouth and our tongues began to dance with each others'. My pulse raced with us being this close and her tongue in my mouth. It was the best kiss I've ever experienced. I'm not big on kissing but I would be happy if this is all I could get from her.

I had to express a small piece of it to her. She had to know. I pulled back from the kiss and gazed down at her face. I took her hands and placed them on my chest above my heart and said “Do you feel what you do to me? You make me feel like my heart is going to explode. I've never felt this way after a kiss.”

She didn't believe me but I continued to explain to her just how crazy she makes me feel. Then she finally told me that she felt the same way. I felt like I was on cloud nine; like I was invincible just by her words. I kissed her again and this kiss was much more passionate. We had put our feelings out there and now it was time to act on them.

I laid her on the bed and started to pull her shirt up. I didn't want to push her so I looked at her for approval. I wanted her to know that she could tell me no and I wouldn't pressure her. She kissed me and I knew it was okay to proceed. I massaged her breasts through her bra and even through the fabric they felt so soft and tender. I finally removed her shirt and came back in to continue our kiss. She was an amazing kisser. Did she know how good she was at it?

I wanted to look at her breasts as I massaged them. I slid her bra up and over her breasts and pulled out of the kiss. I told her how beautiful I thought they were and slid my body down so I could taste them. I massaged and licked and sucked on both of them. I could tell she was enjoying it as she arched her back and grasped the comforter. I looked up at her to see the joy I was bringing to her. Our eyes locked again and I knew she was truly enjoying this.

I've only went down on a few girls in my lifetime and I wasn't very fond of it. The girls seemed to enjoy it but it wasn't at the top of my to do list. She made me want to do it to her. I wanted her to get every bit of pleasure she could out of me. I kissed her ankles and her knees and finally made my way to her pussy. It was beautiful. It was wet, smooth, hairless and I wanted to dive in and taste if she was as sweet here as the rest of her body was. It was. It was better than any dessert I had ever tasted. I could stay down here all night.

She told me how close she was and I could feel it as she tightened her walls around my tongue. Finally, her body erupted and I drank all of it in. I kept my eyes on her as her body became flushed and shook. She was even more beautiful during her orgasm.

Her juices were covering my face but she rose up and kissed me anyways. She then pulled my shirt off and ran her hands across my chest and stomach. Her kisses felt like small fires as she placed them down the center of my abdomen. She then undid my jeans and pushed them to the ground. I knew my dick was a pretty good size but when she saw it through my boxers she looked shocked.

After she released me from my boxers she slowly began to lick the head of my dick. It felt more amazing than I thought possible. My head fell back and I knew as she licked my cock that she would slowly kill me with her mouth. She licked and sucked my cock and I managed to hold back my orgasm but when she moaned around my cock I knew I had to stop her. I wasn't ready to come yet. I needed this to last longer.

I knew then that I had to have her immediately. I laid her back on the bed and positioned myself above her. I had condoms with me but it didn't occur to me to actually use them. I wanted to feel her wrapped around me. I wanted to feel every ounce of her body. I pressed my cock into her and she didn't stop me. She felt like satin wrapped around my cock. She felt so right. Like she was the missing piece I never knew I had been missing.

I didn't close my eyes the whole time. I wanted to remember every detail of her as I made love to her. I wanted it engraved in my memory permanently. I managed to stop kissing her and kissed her cheek over to her ear. When she asked me what I was trying to do to her, I couldn't very well tell her that I was trying to make her fall in love with me. That I wanted her to feel the same as I felt.

She came again and she literally looked like an angel. I took a mental picture of that moment so I could always have it with me. I told her how beautiful she looked when she came and she seemed surprised that someone would think of her that way.

I knew I couldn't hold back my orgasm any longer when she commanded me to come. It was all I needed to finally push me over the edge.

I wanted to lay inside of her all night. She felt like home to me. I haven't felt like I had a home since my parents' died. Being here with her just felt right. I laid on my side and just took all of her in. I'm usually not such an open book when it comes to my feelings but this whole situation was different and I needed to her to know everything. “Bella, I can't even describe that. What you just did to me.”

I knew there was no possible way she could honestly feel the same way about me. She doesn't really know me. I don't really know her but I felt like I've known her for a lifetime. Then she spoke “I know. Words aren't good enough.” She was right. There were no words that could ever truly describe what had just taken place; not only between our bodies but in my soul. The electricity I felt from her touch was magnified infinitesimally. It radiated from inside of me now.

I wanted to take care of her and care for her. So, I brought her a warm rag and wiped my own come from her body. She shouldn't have to clean that off. Once I had it all wiped off, I helped her off the bed. I could see her out of the corner of my eye while we were cleaning up. Who was I kidding? I couldn't take my eyes off her if I wanted to. I teased her a bit and then I had to kiss her again. My lips were already yearning for her.

After a deep intense kiss I knew I would take her right there in the bathroom and we needed a slight rest before I chanced round two. I pulled away from her mouth and she looked hurt. I told her that she needed to get out of there before she got in trouble. I meant for her to go back to the bedroom but she must have taken it wrong. When I came out of the bathroom I saw her grab her jeans. I didn't mean for her to leave the suite. Did she really think I would tell her to leave after what just happened? I would stay here with her forever.

I explained to her what I had meant and I could tell she was embarrassed. I wanted to relax her, I only wanted her to feel love when she was with me. I laid her down on the bed with me and looked into her chocolate eyes and let me hands roam her body. It was as if I were a blind man trying to memorize every curve and inch of her body. I knew it was getting late and she would inevitably have to go home soon. I knew she couldn't stay with me all night. I felt like a greedy bastard when I asked her if I could have her again. She had already given me much more than I ever deserved from her. To my surprise she agreed.

This time was much more intense than the first time. We were both more comfortable with each other and the anxiousness was now gone. It was sheer ecstasy this time. I didn't expect her to want to ride me but sure as hell wasn't going to say no. She felt so good on top of me and I didn't even feel how quickly my orgasm was approaching. Before I could tell her to get up, I came inside of her. After the joy of my release had passed I felt so bad for not warning her. I quickly apologized to her, although I was sure she wouldn't forgive me. Why would she? I completely took advantage of her.

Amazingly, she forgave me and said she was on the pill. I was instantly relieved. The last thing we needed was a small trophy of our night together running around.

I wanted to know that this would not be a one night thing. I wanted to know for certain that I would see her again. She couldn't give me the answer I wanted. I knew she wouldn't be able to. She still needed to see what happened when she got home. She needed to see if I could deliver on my promise that we would not get caught.

Our night had finally come to an end. It was extremely late and for her sake I hoped Emmett was asleep when she got home. I didn't want her to have to explain why she was coming home so late.

I had no clue of what to say to her as we exited the hotel. I was thankful that no one was there to see us leave. I didn't want to her to feel bad about what we had done. What just happened in room 1711 was purely and utterly amazing.

I walked her to her car. This isn't exactly the safest part of town and I needed to know that she was safe. I was too involved now. I, again, was pouring my soul out to this stunning angel and somehow she was feeling the same way towards me. How could I be so lucky?

I opened her car door for her and closed it behind her. I poked my head in and went in for one last kiss. I needed to have one more before I let her go for the night. I finally had to pull away and I turned to walk to my car. I wasn't leaving until she did. Once we were on the highway I knew she would be okay to make it home.

My mind was completely boggled. I couldn't believe this night really just happened. I felt like I was going to wake up and find it was all a dream. It would be the best dream I've ever had but I would be disappointed that it wasn't real. She wasn't just in my thoughts now, she was in my heart.

I saw her pull out of the parking spot and followed behind her the whole way to the highway. There we had to go different directions. I watched her car go South and I whispered to myself “Bye my love. Good night.” I started my journey North.

Does she have any idea what she means to me? How did I let her get to me so quickly? I've never really been in love but when in the hell did I become such a fucking softie? I've always been the player; love them and leave them. Now, I couldn't think of anyone other than her. Yet, I can't tell anyone about her or what we just shared. I had to keep this secret; for her sake. I could deal with Emmett being mad at me but I could not let anyone bad mouth her.

This is going to be a tricky situation. We are going to have to always be on guard. I hope she can handle it because I can't let her go now.

I arrived home and went to lay down in my bed. My mind was still with Bella. I couldn't get her out of my head.

I was startled by the sound of my text message alert. I opened my phone to see that it was Bella letting me know she had made it home safely. I then realized I hadn't even checked my phone since I had been with her. I noticed I had new voice mail messages. I decided to go ahead and check them before I went to sleep.

As they started to play in my ear I recognized the voice. It was the same voice in all of them. Tanya. She brought me out of my bubble of ecstasy I had created with her whining into my ear. I didn't even finish the last few and just deleted them. I didn't need to hear anymore of what she said. I threw the phone across the room. There was not a snowballs chance in hell that I was calling her back tonight. I rolled over and buried my face in the pillow and let my thoughts of Bella return and carry me to sleep.

Chapter 13-Beautiful Lie

2009-08-02T00:50:00.000-04:00

Bella POV

I pulled in to the drive way. The ride home seemed a lot shorter than it should have been. My mind had been flooded with thoughts of Edward and our night together. I couldn't get the thoughts of his beautiful body out of my head. I kept imagining that his hands were still touching me. I barely remembered any of the turns that led me home.

I noticed that the whole house was dark, except for our bedroom. I could see that at least the TV was on, which meant Em was awake. He never sleeps with the TV on. Fuck! How in the hell am I gonna explain this? How can I walk in there and act like nothing has happened? How can I look at him knowing what I just did with his cousin? I knew what we had done was wrong on so many levels but I honestly felt helpless to stop it. It felt like the universe was working to bring us together. It felt like more than just a lustful attraction.

It was honestly the best sex of my life. The orgasms were amazing but his attentiveness and care were the elements that made it extraordinary. How can I go back to a normal self centered man now? I felt like I was a child who had her favorite doll taken away from her and was told to act like it never existed. How can I keep this to myself? I want to scream to the world how amazing I think this man is.

I sat in the car for a few moments, trying to gather my thoughts. I would have to hide my little 'secret' bag under my seat and take it out when Em wasn't around. There was no way I could walk in the house with it. I took a few deep breaths and decided to just get it over with already. I got out of the car and walked to our front door. I put my key in and slowly turned it to open the door. I set my purse on the table and walked back to the bedroom. The door was open but I didn't hear Em making any noises. Did he fall asleep watching TV? No way I'd be that lucky.

I walked in the bedroom and saw Em wide awake watching TV. “Hey babe. Where ya been? I was starting to get worried.” He said calmly.

“Hey sweetie.” I said as I started undressing to get ready for bed. “I was just hanging out with the girls. Rose is a little upset about being rejected, so Alice and I decided to cheer her up with a girls night in. I didn't mean to worry you. I just assumed you were still sleeping.” I was done undressing and started to get into the bed. I hope he bought that.

I could feel Em shift his weight and sit up in the bed just as I was trying to lay down. “Well, damn Bella, you could have at least left a note or something. You don't usually stay out this late without letting me know you are okay.” He sounded a bit mad.

“I know Em but you were asleep when I left and I just assumed you'd be asleep until morning. I didn't want to call and wake you and I didn't feel the need for a note since you were already asleep.” I said as I was still facing away from him.

“I understand, just next time leave a note or text me or something. I just wanna know you're safe. I know the girls need you.” He sounded sincere. I was really hoping he bought my lie.

I hated lying to him but there was no way I could ever tell him what happened. I was going to make sure that he never found out what really happened. It would cause him more pain than necessary. Tonight would more than likely be a one time thing. I couldn't very well spend all my free time sneaking around with Edward. For all I know, he probably just wanted to see if he could get me into bed and now that it's out of his system he would move on.

I needed to just relax and get him out of my head. I needed to focus on Em before I made a mistake.

I felt Em slide back down in the bed and cuddle up behind me. He wrapped his arm around my waist and snuggled his nose into the back of my neck and all I could think about was how it felt when Edward touched me. The feel of his hands on my bare skin. Lightly touching my stomach and sending heat waves surging through me. The way his mouth felt on my breasts. The way his tongue worked his magic all over my body. The way his eyes peered into my soul.

I don't know if Edward being attentive and telling a girl that he'd never felt that way, was all a part of his game but it worked. I really wished it wasn't a part of his game because he was now in my soul. It would hurt like hell if this was all a game.

“Bells?” Shit, what now? I'm worn out and ready to sleep. He only calls me Bells when he wants something.

“Yeah baby?” I replied reluctantly. I really hope you don't wanna have sex. I haven't recovered from what your cousin did to me tonight.

“Are you really tired?” He asked quietly. Yes! I'm fucking tired. I used all of my energy earlier. Nothing left for you. So sorry!

“Kinda. Ya know I didn't sleep the whole night away like you did.” I said sarcastically. I really had no desire to have sex with him. I knew I would have to eventually but I didn't want to do it so quickly after Edward. It just didn't feel right.

“Too tired to play?” Really Em? It's almost four in the morning and you're trying to be playful? I want to fucking sleep!!!

“I guess not.” I replied hesitantly. He didn't even wait two seconds before he was pulling down my underwear. What the fuck is my life coming to? I am not going to enjoy this at all. Maybe he will just hurry up and go back to sleep.

He didn't bother to pull off my tank top. He just pushed it up above my breasts. He slid off his boxers and grabbed one of my legs and lifted it up onto his shoulder. He grabbed his cock and I felt him press it against my entrance. “Damn baby. You must not be too tired. You're wet as hell.” That's not from you Em. That's the leftovers from Edward. I hadn't been able to get him out of my mind so I knew that was why I was still wet. I was even thankful for it. Otherwise, he would've been trying all kinds of shit to get my wet.

I felt him finally push through my skin and inside of me. It felt good but also made me a little queasy. I had never been the type of girl to sleep with two men in one night and now I was sleeping with two family members. It was enough to make me sick. I couldn't have told him no without a good reason and I didn't have one.

He started his thrusts and got into his rhythm. He began to massage my breasts with his hand and kiss the back of my neck. Normally, this would feel great to me but tonight my mind wasn't focused. I was ashamed of myself and I needed to think of something else.

He quickly had his release and I was glad he had made it quick. I got up to wash off in the bathroom and I literally felt like I was going to vomit. Thankfully, I didn't because that definitely would've been a bad conversation.

We both got back into bed and said our good nights. Before I knew it Em was back to his normal snoring and I was staring at the ceiling. My mind was so clouded. I had crossed such a big line and felt like a complete fucking slut. Em didn't deserve this but I have no idea where to go from here. I eventually drifted off to sleep.

The next day I woke up and realized that I hadn't even checked my voice mail from Rose. I had no idea what she wanted but I needed to find out before she just showed up and totally busted me in my lie to Em.

I walked into the kitchen to grab my phone and get a glass of water. Em was already out at the pool swimming laps. I dialed my voice mail and listened to her message. “Hey B! I wanted to say I'm sorry that I keep bringing up Edward. I know everyone is sick of hearing about it. I was just sitting here drinking some wine thinking about you. I love you and I promise the days of me sulking over Edward are over! Call me when you get this. Love you.”

I was thankful that she was finally going to let it go. I also wondered if she was a little drunk when she left that message. She said she was drinking and it was a little late. Oh well. Maybe she was being serious.

I walked into the back yard to the pool. I sat down on the edge of the pool and put my feet in, waiting on Em to finish his laps. He swam over to me when he noticed I was there.

“Morning Bella.” He said as he kissed my knee.

“Morning honey. I didn't even feel you get up today?”

“You looked so peaceful, I just thought I'd swim a little before you got up.”

“I was sleeping pretty hard huh?” That's because Edward took all of my energy. I would happily do it again today if I could. “It's okay. What you doing today? Any plans?” I asked him.

He shrugged his shoulders and said “Not really during the day. I thought maybe you and I could hang out. Maybe do a little shopping or go have a nice lunch?” Really? Now you wanna spend time? Ugh. I am a terrible fucking person.

“That sounds great baby. It'll be good to spend some time with just you. I'll go get some breakfast going.” I said as I pulled my feet out of the pool.

“Okay. I'll be in soon.” I nodded to him as I went inside.

I started to fix his favorite breakfast. I had the bacon and eggs on the stove. The biscuits were in the oven. Everything was just about ready when I heard his cell phone ring.

I grabbed it and took it out to him. “You're phone was going off and breakfast is almost ready. So, come in.”

He walked in the house a few moments later. “That was Edward.” My fucking heart stopped beating when those words came out of his mouth. Why in the fuck is he calling Em this early? He hasn't even texted me or anything. Oh God Oh God. I knew it was a fucking set up. The whole fucking thing was a set up! I am totally screwed. There is no way I can talk my way out of this one. He probably has fucking pictures and everything. Em was just pretending to be nice and believe me.

I couldn't breath. My mind was pounding, My heart stopped. Time fucking stood still as I waited on the next words to come out of Em's mouth.

Chpater 14- Nobody Knows.

2009-08-02T00:45:00.000-04:00

Bella POV

Oh my God! This is it. I should just tell him what happened. I was a fucking idiot to honestly think I could get away with this. I should've fucking known better than to trust Edward. This is what you get when you do bad things. Fuck fuck fuck.

“Edward said he wants all of us to go out tonight. He wants to invite the whole crew, even Rosalie. He says everything is on him tonight. You wanna go?” Seriously? That's all Edward wanted?

I let out a huge sigh of relief. Edward and I are gonna have to talk about some things. He can't do shit like that. He needs to let me know first so I don't freak the fuck out again.

“Yeah baby. That sounds like fun. What time and where are we supposed to meet him?” I asked as I removed the biscuits from the oven and started fixing our plates.

“We are meeting him at ten tonight at Makkos in Buckhead. Do you wanna call Rose and Alice? Tell Alice to bring Jasper, since none of us have actually gotten to meet him yet.”

“That sounds like a plan. We haven't been to Buckhead in a while. I'll call them after breakfast.” We grabbed our plates and sat down on the couch to eat and watch a little TV.

Why does he want Rose there? He clearly told me he wasn't interested in her. Maybe he's just trying to be nice and include her since she is our friend. I wonder if he's bringing a girl with him? Why else wouldn't he have at least told me about it first? I really hope he doesn't bring a girl with him. I don't know if I can stand to see him with another woman. Fucking breathe Bella. You are totally over thinking this.

After breakfast, I called Alice and Rose. They both agreed to come and were very excited. I could basically hear Alice jumping up and down with excitement about everyone finally getting to meet Jasper. Rose was hesitant at first but once she found out Edward was paying for everything she agreed.

Em called Edward back and let him know that everyone agreed to go. Em and I got ready for our day together. Yipee! We went to the mall first. We decided to get some new clothes for tonight and we've also been looking for some new things for the yard. After looking all over the mall we found everything we had been looking for.

We then went to grab a light lunch. We sat and talked and laughed. I was really enjoying this time with Em. It was like old times. We weren't fighting or arguing. Just he and I enjoying one another's company. Em also managed to keep my mind off of Edward for most of the day. I loved my daydreams of him but it was nice to escape it for a while.

“I have something to tell you Bella. I didn't want to say anything until I was certain. I am certain now so I want to tell you.” He said as he glanced down at his food and shifted it around the plate with his fork. He's nervous. What does he have to be nervous about? He knows he can tell me anything. I should be the nervous one. I've never lied to you before and now I'm having to lie about so much.

I reached over the table and grabbed his hand. I squeezed it lightly to let him know it was okay to say what he was thinking. He looked up at me and said “I got accepted into the motorcycle mechanic program that I was looking at few years ago.” He said as his face lit up.

“Em, that is so awesome! I'm so proud of you! I didn't even know you were looking back into it! I can't believe you didn't tell me.” I said as I moved around the table to give him a hug. I still don't know why he was so nervous about telling me that?

“Well I didn't want to get your hopes up until I knew I had been accepted. I've been thinking about it for a while and when we decided to work things out; I knew it was time to do something more with my life.”

“I'm so happy for you. I know you will do good in school and once you graduate you will actually be doing something that you love. I love you baby.” I said as I leaned in and kissed his lips.

We finished lunch and went back home. We went out to the yard to put out our new purchases. We put the new fire pit on the patio and the new tiki torches around the edge of the pool. Em and I decided to stay outside for a while and enjoy the nice weather.

We sat on the edge of the pool with our feet in the water like children. We talked about Em's new journey back to school and about how he was going to be able to work and go to school. I hadn't worked while I was in nursing school and I didn't think it was fair for him to try and do both. We had enough money in savings to last us for a while and I made enough money to make up for the rest.

It was starting to get late and we needed to get ready to leave for the bar. I hadn't talked to Edward all day. I was sure I would at least get a text from him but I got nothing. When Em was in the shower I took advantage of the opportunity and texted him.

Why didn't you tell me about tonight first? B

I didn't get a response from him at first. Maybe he's just busy getting ready for tonight. Or maybe I was just an idiot to believe that we had something more than a one night stand.

I continued getting dressed. My phone alerted me to a new message.

Sorry. I didn't now you wanted to know first. Just thought it would be fun for all of us to go out together. At least I can see you this way. E

Okay maybe I had been over reacting a bit. Maybe he was telling the truth.

Well I kinda freaked out when I didn't know anything about it and Em comes telling me that you called him. I suspected the worst. B

Sorry you freaked out. I will let you know first from now on. I'm really looking forward to seeing you tonight. E

My heart fluttered a bit when I read the excited me to know that he had been thinking of me.

Me too. I'll see you soon. B

Em and I were finally dressed and ready to go. My dress was metallic blue tiered laser cut that fell right above my knee. I wore silver metallic Calvin Klein heels with straps crossing over the tops and a strap around my ankle. Em had picked out a slim fit black camp fit shirt. Guess he's trying to show off his muscles tonight. He put on a pair of nice jeans and and black low cut riding boots. His whole outfit was by Calvin Klein. He hated dressing up so this is as close as he would get. He really looked very handsome in his new outfit. I wished he would dress like this more often. This looks like the man I fell in love with.

I walked into the living room and asked him “You ready to go baby?”

“Damn Bella! You look so hot in that dress! How am I supposed to keep my hands off of you tonight?” He said as he walked over to me and grabbed my waist. He pulled me into his body and placed a light kiss on my lips.

“You are such a perv Em! We have to go or we will be late!” I said as I lightly swatted his arm.

“Fine but you better be ready when we get back home!” he said slapping my butt.

We made it to the car and started our drive to Buckhead. It was a nice ride. We listened to music and joked with each other. I was trying to diffuse the tension that began building in my stomach. This was already a touchy situation and now I had to be near him in front off all of our friends and pretend like last night wasn't the most amazing night of my life. Fucking fantastic! I figured I would have to do it one day but I wasn't expecting today.

We arrived at the bar and parked the car down the street. The closer we walked to the bar the more nervous I became. My knees felt weak. My pulse was racing. My palms were sweating. I could hear Em talking about something but my mind was moving to fast to actually pay attention to what he was saying.

We made our way through the line and into the bar. We looked around for everyone and we finally spotted Edward at the bar to the left of the dance floor. He was talking to the bartender as she handed him a drink and a shot. We made our way over to the bar and Em walked up to Edward and slapped him on the back before Edward even noticed we were there.

“What's up Cuz!” Em said to Edward.

“Oh shit man! I didn't see you there. How long have you been here?” He asked Em as he turned around. He didn't see me at first since I was standing behind Em. I walked around to the side of Em waiting for Edward to notice me. It almost looked as if his face lit up a little. When I saw his beautiful face I couldn't help but smile. So fucking handsome. Take your clothes off now! Oh shit! Get some control Bella!

“Hey Edward! How are you?” I asked him as I reached out my hand to shake his.

“I'm great. Glad you could make it. And we are practically family; we don't shake hands, we hug!” He then pulled me in for a tight hug and I stopped breathing. The electricity that I hadn't felt all day was finally coursing through my body again. Yeah Edward. We do a lot more than fucking hug.

“Hey now! Edward all these women are drooling over you! Get your hands off my woman!” He said jokingly. Poor Em. He has no idea exactly what Edwards' hands were doing to me last night.

We ordered a few drinks and talked for a while, waiting on the rest of the crew to show up. Finally Alice, Jasper and Rose showed up.

“Everyone, this is my Jasper!” Alice said. Their hands were interlocked and they looked very happy.

“Jasper, this is Emmett, Bella and Edward.” She introduced us all and we all greeted Jasper. I could see why she was attracted to him. He was a very handsome man.

“Jasper, it's great to finally meet you. I'm glad you decided to come out with us. We don't bite, not too hard anyways.” I said jokingly to him.

“I'll keep that in mind! It's good to finally meet you guys too. Alice has told me all about you guys.”

Rose automatically went straight to Edward. I thought you were done worrying about him? Guess not. He's still not gonna want you Rose. I rolled my eyes at her as she sat on a bar stool next to him and was doing her best 'come and get me' routine of batting her eyelashes and sticking her boobs out. It almost made me sick.

I looked at Edward and at first he didn't looked interested in what she was doing or saying but then they got up to go dance. What the fuck? He said he didn't want her! Why is he dancing with her? He's just leading her on. Maybe he's just leading me on. Maybe I'm the idiot.

I sat on a bar stool next to Em and ordered a couple more shots. If I have to sit here and endure the monstrosity of Edward and Rose flirting; then I'm going to get trashed. I quickly downed the shots and began sipping my drink. I turned around in my stool to see Rosalie grinding her ass against Edward's groin. The worst part is that he actually looked like he was enjoying it. What kind of fucking sick game is he playing with me? I can't take this much longer. Just last night his hands and mouth were giving me the greatest pleasure of my life and tonight his hands are all over her body.

I turned back around to notice that Em, Jasper and Alice were all talking about something. I hated to be rude but I didn't really care what they were talking about.

“Em” I said as I grabbed his sleeve and pulled him out of the chair. “Let's go dance.”

“Fuck! Okay.” He said walking behind me to the dance floor.

I made sure to get close enough to Edward so that he could see us but stayed far enough away that it didn't look obvious. I pulled Em up behind me and began to grind in to him with the beat of the music. His hands started on my hips but gradually made their way to my butt and then up my stomach and around to my breasts. I usually wouldn't let him grope me this much in public but I was trying to make Edward jealous.

“You look so fucking sexy in this dress Bella. I wanna take you right here on the floor.” Em whispered in my ear.

I glanced over at Edward and Rose. She was too involved in what she was doing to even notice I was there. Edward's whole face tensed up when he saw Em's hands on my breasts. Good! Now you fucking know how it feels. It's not fun to see this is it?

I turned around to face Em and put my arms around his neck. He pulled me in for a deep kiss. I wasn't trying to take it that far but I had obviously excited Em. I knew I had proved my point to Edward and was ready to go back and sit with everyone else. “Em, I'm gonna go back to the bar. I'm thirsty.”

“Okay, I'll come with you.” He said as he grabbed my hand and guided me through the massive crowd. We made it back to the bar and started to take more shots with Alice. She really could drink for her small size. I noticed that Jasper wasn't drinking.

“Alice, what's up with Jasper? He doesn't drink?”

“No. He says it's not really his thing. At least we have a designated driver for tonight!”

“Thank God because I'm not gonna be able to drive.” The bartender handed us three more shots of tequila. Em, Alice and I all clanked our glasses and downed the shot quickly. I was really starting to feel the effects of the liquor. I lost count of how many shots I had taken. I was hoping the liquor would drown out my jealous feelings. Edward knew I couldn't express my feelings in front of everyone and it felt like he was toying with my emotions.

I spun around on my stool and noticed that Rose and Edward were seated on the other side of Em. They were looking very cozy. Edward was facing Rose and smiling as he sipped his drink. I couldn't see Rose's face but I could see her hand touching his chest. That fucking beautiful chest and she has her paws all over it. Fuck I need to get this under control. I just need to accept that it was a one night fling and that he is moving on. My heart hurt at the thought of him actually making love to her. Time for another shot.

I refused to look over at them anymore. It was only making me miserable and I wasn't going to continue to subject myself to that torture. The music was so loud that we couldn't really have any in depth conversations. We all pretty much just sat around and drank.

I would often glance at Alice and Jasper. He would be whispering in her ear and she would laugh like he had just said the funniest thing in the world. It was nice to see them so obviously in love. I was very happy for them. Alice deserved to be happy and it definitely looked like Jasper was the man for that.

The DJ called for last call and I made sure to order three more shots. He was paying the bill and I was taking advantage of it in my jealous drunken stupor. I was severely jealous and pissed off at how the night had gone.

I downed the shots and turned to Em. “You ready to get outta here baby?” I managed to slur out of my mouth. My eyelids were heavy and my heart was aching; I was ready to go.

“Yeah. Let me just tell Edward thank you.” I refused to go over there with him. I went to the bathroom instead. I hadn't used the bathroom all night and it felt like I was sitting on the toilet forever. I took a look in the mirror on my way out. Wow! I am totally smashed! My eyes are so red. Oh well. It's not like I'm here to impress anyone anyways.

I ran into Alice and Jasper on my way to the exit.

“Bella, you and Em want a ride? Jasper said he'd be more than happy to drop you guys off.”

“Sure Alice, that would be great. Let me just find Em and we can go.”

Em walked up behind me and grabbed my hand. “There you are baby! Alice and Jasper are gonna drive us home. We can come back and get the car tomorrow.” I said as I leaned my head on his chest. The alcohol was starting to make me sleepy.

“Okay. Let's go.” He said.

“Well, we have to wait on Rose. She's staying the night with me.” Alice stated. Fuck me! Now I gotta ride home with her and hear her talk about Edward the whole way. This fucking sucks. I'm going to sleep as soon as we get in the car.

Rose finally came over and was rambling on about some shit with Edward. I completely tuned her out. There was no way I was listening to any of that shit. Jasper pulled the car in front of the club and we all got in. I made sure to sit next to the window and have Em on the other side of me. I didn't want Rose anywhere near me. Why am I so mad at her? It's not like she knows what we did. I need to quit being a jackass.

I laid my head on his chest and slowly started to drift off to sleep. I could faintly hear Rose still talking about something. It occurred to me right then that I hadn't even said thank you or goodbye to Edward. Oh fucking well. You can't tell me you're not interested in her then have sex with me then go back and flirt with her all night.

Chapter 15- Unpredictable

2009-08-02T00:40:00.000-04:00

“Can I get my tab? Please?” I frustratedly asked the bartender. I pinched the bridge of my nose with one hand and pulled out my wallet with the other hand. Tonight had not gone the fucking way I wanted it to, at all.

“Here ya go. Let me know when you're ready to pay.” The bartender quickly said to me.

I picked up the bill and wasn't really shocked at how much it was; almost four hundred dollars. We all know Emmett can drink his weight in alcohol. Alice can drink more for her size than you would think. Rosalie had been drinking like it was water. I didn't see Jasper drink anything but soda. Then Bella. My Bella. She had gotten entirely too drunk. I didn't like to see her that way.

My only intention for the whole night was simply to see her and be around her. I knew the only way I could see her was to have a group outing. There was no way we could meet again. Not two nights in a row. I thought it would be a nice gesture to treat everyone to a night out. They had all welcomed me into their group of friends so easily. I didn't want to invite Rosalie but I knew that would be rude. She is friends with everyone. Hopefully she could get over our failed date and we could be civilized to each other. Then she gets here and is basically shoving her tits in my face. Could she really think she still had a chance?

I wanted to tell her 'Move the fuck on bitch. You are not Bella.' but I could never say that out loud. So I sat there and listened to her ramble on about nothing when all I wanted to do was sneak glances at Bella. She looked so beautiful in that dress. That shade of blue looked amazing against her complexion. Every time I looked past Rose and over to everyone else, Bella had her back to me and at the time I couldn't understand why. Why wouldn't she look at me anymore? It was seriously fucking with my head. Last night was a night I would never forget. She had to know that. How could she not know that?

“Here ya go. Keep the change. Thanks for everything tonight.” I handed her the cash and turned to walk out of the bar.

Everyone had already left. Jasper had volunteered to take everyone home. I told him that I would get my own ride. I didn't want to be stuck in a car with Bella and Rosalie. I could see it now. Bella sitting with Emmett and his hands all over her while Rose was damn near trying to rape me. I didn't want to see that at all. The thoughts of Emmett's hands on Bella was very unsettling. I knew she would have to continue with a sexual relationship with him but I didn't want to see it or think about it.

I called for a cab and sat on a bench outside of the club while I waited. I couldn't stop thinking about Bella. I knew what was bothering her, the fucking dancing. Did she think I wanted to dance with Rosalie? I only danced with her because she basically pulled me out to the floor. I wanted to be decent to Rosalie and I didn't think Bella would take it personally. After all she was here with her boyfriend; my cousin. What the fuck was I supposed to do? Tell Rosalie that I couldn't dance with her because I had just had amazing sex with Bella last night? No fucking way.

I couldn't believe Bella brought Emmett out on the floor to dance. It didn't bother me at first. Then I saw Emmett's hands grabbing Bella's tits and I wanted to rip his hands off. I've never in my life been jealous of another man but in that moment I was completely jealous and envious of Emmett. He had her all day everyday and the best I could hope for was a few hours here and there. I couldn't take her on dates or on vacations or even spend the whole night with her. He could do all of those things with her and was completely taking it for granted.

It was in that moment that I decided I had to let her go. I had to make her see what an asshole I really am. Make her see what a player I am. Make her think last night was a one time thing. It was for her own good. She loves Emmett and he loves her. The best thing for me to do is to make her hate me. So, I started to pretend to enjoy myself with Rosalie. I let her grind on me and touch and rub on me. I needed Bella to see it and decide that I was no good for her.

It was clear she was trying to make me jealous and it worked but I could not sit around and play childish games with her. The dance with Rosalie started innocently but I made it seem like there was more to it when Bella began her drunken games.

I was sacrificing my own wants and desires for her peace of mind. Without me should could go back to her happy little life with Emmett and not have to lie to him.

I thought I was doing the right thing until last call came and she drank three shots back to back and then disappeared. Emmett came over to say thanks but Bella never did.

I thought she would come tell me goodbye and I could at least get one last hug. One last smell of her hair. One last shot of electricity. It wasn't until I saw everyone walk out the door that I knew I had made the wrong decision. I wasn't helping her; I was hurting her. Deep down I didn't want her to think she was just a fling or that she didn't mean anything to me.

The truth was she had made me feel more alive on the inside than any other woman ever had. I needed to talk to her and let her make the decision for herself. She needed to decide if she wanted to see me or not. I thought if I made her not want me it wouldn't hurt as bad. I was wrong. It hurt like hell.

When in the fuck did I become incapable of making a fucking decision? Make her hate you; no make her love you. Love her; leave her. Why does she do this to me? I barely know her and I swear I can't live without her. What the fuck?

I sat there on that bench for what seemed like fucking endless hours. In reality it had only been about twenty minutes. I couldn't make a fucking decision on what to do about her. I want her so badly but I don't want to hurt my cousin. I never should've fucking started this shit. I should've just ignored the attraction.

Finally, the taxi arrived. I climbed in and gave my address to the driver. It was late and I was confused. I was hoping to get home and get some sleep and wake up with a new perspective in the morning. Maybe Bella would text me and let me know what she's thinking. Probably not but I had to hope.

The driver pulled into my neighborhood and as we turned the corner onto my street I noticed a car in front of my house. It was a car I didn't recognize. As we got closer to my house I noticed a sticker on the back of the car that indicated it was a rental. Who the fuck is at my house at four in the morning in a fucking rental car?

We pulled into the driveway and I paid the driver. I exited the car and walked down my driveway to the unknown car.

My heartbeat was racing. No one even knows where I live. I couldn't fucking fathom who would be in the car.

I approached the car and noticed someone laid back in the drivers seat with a coat over their head. I tapped on the drivers side window. I wasn't gonna have random people sitting in front of my house.

After a few taps on the glass the coat began to move.

“Who the fuck are you and why are you in front of my house?” I shouted at the car.

Finally the coat was removed and I couldn't fucking believe who it was. Motherfucker! This is a fucking joke? Right God? You can't be serious!

“Edward? Oh my God! Where have you been all night?” Tanya squealed at me as she started to get out of the car.

I moved out of the way and let her exit the car. She immediately wrapped her arms around me and kissed my cheek. I just stood there in complete disbelief.

She finally released me from her embrace.

“What are you doing here Tanya?” I asked roughly.

“I missed you. I wanted to see you. Is that a crime?” She had the biggest shit eating grin on her face.

I couldn't believe she was really here. Why would she come down here when I won't even answer her calls? Women are really fucking baffling me lately.

I couldn't deny that she looked good but then again I haven't been away from her that long. The last time I saw her was when we broke up in Chicago.

“It's late as hell Tanya. You should've told me you were coming.” I said as I started to walk towards my front door.

I heard her following behind me. “I did tell you. I left you a message.”

Fuck! That must have been the messages I didn't bother to listen to. I'm gonna have to actually start listening to those damn things.

“Oh.” I said as I opened the door to my house. She walked in right behind me. “Well come on in Tanya. Make yourself at home.” I said sarcastically.

“Wow! Eddie, this is a beautiful house. If I had known...” She began to trail off as she visually raped my house.

“If you had known I was gonna have such a nice house, you would have wanted to move with me? Right?” I interrupted her as I sat down on the couch.

“Well, maybe.” She responded as she started to walk towards me.

Tanya definitely works my nerves but she was the closest thing I had to love; before Bella. I didn't think I still had feelings for her. She really changed my view of her when we broke up.

She stood in between my legs, looking down at me. She bent over and ran her hands up my thighs. I quickly pushed them away.

“What are you doing Tanya? You didn't want to uproot your life for me remember? Don't act like you want me now.”

She looked hurt. “I've always wanted you Eddie.”

“Don't call me Eddie. You know I hate that shit.” I really did hate it but I was also trying to be a hard ass. She had hurt me by refusing to move down here with me and I refused to let her back in so easily.

She again started to run her hands up my thighs. “Edward, you know I still love you. I loved you then. I love you now.” She was now eye to eye with me. “I thought I could let you go. That my life in Chicago was too important. I didn't realize that I don't have a life without you. This time without you has been terrible.”

It's too late now. Bella has shown me the light and you are not in it.

Who the fuck am I kidding? Bella has a boyfriend. Has been with him for years. Why did I think she would leave him for me? Why did I think I could ever be more than a fling for her? Maybe it was all lust. Maybe Tanya is who I should be with.

She straddled herself on my hips and ran her fingers through my hair as she leaned in to kiss my neck. I couldn't deny that it felt good.

I could do all of the things with Tanya that I couldn't do with Bella.

It would never work with Bella anyways. We couldn't be together even if she dumped Emmett. Everyone would know that we had been lying.

“Tanya, you can't just show up here and expect me to welcome you with open arms.” I said as she continued to place light kisses along my neck line.

“I know Edward. I'm going to show you how much you mean to me. I'm going to be the woman you want me to be. Just give me another chance. Please?”

Fuck me! What that fuck do I do now? I thought I was confused before. Now I have no fucking clue. I thought Tanya had forgotten about me. I didn't know she would show up out of the fucking blue.

“Tanya, even if I wanted to give you another chance. How would it work? You still live in Chicago. I live in Atlanta. We gonna do a long distance relationship?”

She sat up and looked into my eyes; still running her fingers through my hair. “Baby, we can make this work. I will do whatever needs to be done to fix this.”

Really? She really wanted to do this? Could I even do this?

“You have to realize that I am not moving back to Chicago. This is my home. Chicago was temporary. If this works, are you going to move down here?” She didn't want to leave Chicago before and I needed her to know that I wouldn't be coming back to Chicago. I had been without my family long enough. This was my home.

“I know. I know. I promise if you give me another chance, when the time comes I will make the move. For you. For us.” It almost sounded as if she was pleading with me.

“I'll think about it Tanya. I need to sleep on it.”

“Okay. That's acceptable. I understand. Thank you.” Then she kissed my lips.

I was unsure of how to react but it felt nice. It felt comfortable.

I pulled out of the kiss. “Do you have a hotel room?” I asked her.

“Well, I was sort of hoping to stay with you.” She said shyly.

Fucking fantastic.

“Speaking of, how did you know where I live?” I asked her. I really wanted to fucking know.

“You know I have my ways. The internet is a very useful tool.”

“Figures. Well it is late and I'm tired.” I said as I pushed her to the side of me and onto the couch. “I am gonna go to bed but there is a spare room on the second floor. You are welcome to use it.” I couldn't let her drive around in a new city at five in the morning.

I began to walk up the stairs. My room is on the third floor and I didn't want her in my bed tonight. My mind was too clouded and she would only try to have sex with me.

“Okay. Good night Edward. I love you.”

I didn't even respond. This night had been more than I fucking bargained for and although I do still have feelings for her, I wasn't going to tell her I loved her.

I made it to my bedroom and locked the door behind me. I removed my clothes as I walked toward the bathroom. Leaving my clothes lying all over the floor. I needed to take a shower and relax my body for a while.

I started the shower and when it was warm I climbed in. I let me head fall back and felt the water run down my tense muscles. I sat down on the bench in the back of the shower and let the steam surround me.

What am I going to do now? Was Tanya serious? She was dead set against coming to Atlanta and now she wants to do whatever I say? This wasn't her. She wasn't the type to do what I wanted. She always did what she wanted.

Could I get back together with her and forget about Bella?

She couldn't expect to me to sit around and wait for her; could she? Would I if she wanted me to?

Chapter 16- Do You Want To.

2009-07-31T17:25:00.000-04:00

Chapter 16- Do You Want To. (Bella POV)

What the fuck! Why does my damn head hurt so bad? Fuck, that's right, too much tequila.

I awoke to a throbbing headache and I felt like the sun peeking through the blinds was burning my skin. My whole body ached and I felt like I could vomit at any moment. Exactly how much tequila did I have last night? Why did I think it was a good idea?

I was having a difficult time recalling the events from last night. The later part of the night was just a blur. The last thing I really remember was seeing Rose with her hands all over Edward's chest. Just the thought of it still made me nauseous. I didn't understand any of what happened between those two. I couldn't be mad at Rose. She had no idea of what was between Edward and I. She was just being her typical self. I could, however, be mad with Edward. He should've known better. I had no choice other than to show up with Emmett. He made a conscious decision to do those things with Rose.

Edward was thoroughly confusing me. One day he doesn't like Rose. The next day he's with me. Then the next day he's letting Rose have her way with him. How in the hell can I not be confused? His words were not matching his actions.

I needed to move on. I could not interrupt my life for a man that has no clue what he wants. I don't even know anything about him, really. I don't know his birthday, his shoe size, how he likes his steak cooked. Fuck! I damn sure don't know if he has a girlfriend. That should've been one of my first questions but it seemed Edward and I skipped the questions and answers session. We went from strangers to sex in no time.

I rolled over to see that Em had already woken up and was out of bed. I noticed a note on the night stand that said he had gone to the gym and would be back soon. Guess he didn't have as much alcohol as me.

I made my way to the kitchen to get some aspirin and water. At least the aspirin could fix my headache. The confusion would only be cleared with time and conversations that I didn't want to have.

I decided to go back to bed. I needed to escape the pain in my head and my heart.

***********************

It's been over a week since the notorious 'club' incident. In my mind I had moved past it. I made the decision not to dwell on someone who could push me aside so easily.

I had gone against everything I had prided myself on in my life for one night with this man and then karma slapped me in the face for it. I was no longer the honest person I had always been. I was thankful that Em trusts me so much. He wouldn't go behind me to ask my friends if we were really together that night. He never had any reason not to believe me. That was, until now.

My mind had been tainted after my night with Edward. So many things would trigger my thoughts of him. One slight touch would remind me of his soft hands. One scent of a passing stranger would take me back to that night. He was everywhere and it took a great amount of strength to block it out.

I was back at work and concentrating on my patients. My patients need me. He doesn't, clearly.

I haven't heard from him since that night. I wasn't sure if that night was his way of ending things with me or if something else was going on in his life. I'm sure he had other things going on in his life. He probably was still getting things situated after the move.

After finishing the rounds, I made my way back to the nurses station to finish up some chart documentation. As I was finishing up, I felt my phone vibrate. What does Em want now?

I flipped open my phone to see that it was a message from Edward. What.....what does he want? I hesitated for a few seconds before I opened the message. I had no idea what he would have to say. Would he apologize? Would he tell me to fuck off? So many reasons he could be contacting me.

B, I'm sorry. E

Well that's fucking vague. It's not gonna be that easy. I need specifics. I need you to say the words.

I'm not sure what you're talking about. Sorry for what? B

I sent the message and sat back in my chair. Feeling a little smug. He had hurt me after I had taken such a risk for him and I wouldn't let him get off the hook so easily.

I'm sorry for how I behaved at the club. I'm sorry I haven't contacted you for so long. Can you forgive me? E

Wow, maybe he really was sorry. Maybe I overreacted. Can I forgive him?

I didn't respond immediately. I needed to think about this for a minute. If I forgive him what's going to happen? Will we go back and sneak around? Could we continue to be out in public and act like nothing ever happened? He and I would definitely have to sit down for a long talk.

I accept your apology but I don't know if I can forgive you just yet. I was really hurt. I think we need to talk. B

That was good right? I couldn't give in just yet.

Okay. I'll take what I can get. When can I see you? I miss you. E

I miss you too. I just can't tell you.

I have to work until 7 tonight. Wanna meet me before I go home? B

There will be no sex tonight. Just talking. You need to see that you can't always get what you want.

Yes! 7:30 same place as last time? E

If you wanna spend that much money for a little conversation, be my guest. We would have to keep meeting in hotels. We couldn't go and sit for coffee. I know someone would recognize one of us and then it would get back to Em.

That's fine. See you then. B

Thanks Bella. You won't regret it. E

I already regret it.

The rest of the day passed by relatively quick. As much as I tried to fight it, the thought of seeing Edward tonight was exciting me.

Seven o'clock came around and I clocked out. On my way to the parking deck to get my car, I texted Em to let him know I had to work late. He never questioned my working late. He knew that we were understaffed at the hospital and he sure as hell enjoyed the overtime pay afterwards.

I drove to the hotel. It wasn't far from work. I pulled around to the back of the hotel and noticed that Edward's car was already there. Maybe he's eager too.

I parked behind him and gave myself a quick look in the mirror. Today he would see me as average Bella. No fancy clothes or fixed hair and make up. Today I had on plain blue scrubs, my hair was in a ponytail and my make up was minimal. He's never seen me like this before.

I felt like I was in charge of this meeting. I wasn't going to let him take charge and have his way. He was the one that fucked up and he was the one that now had a debt to pay.

I exited my car and walked up to his drivers' side door. He opened the door just as I reached it. I shot him a look of annoyance. He didn't need to know I was excited. He needed to believe that I was taking time out of my life to meet him when he didn't deserve it.

“Hey Bella.” He said as he exited his car and shut the door. He opened his arms to me and leaned into me for a hug. I quickly pushed his arms away and shook my head at him.

“Oh.... uh..... I'm sorry.” He said with a look of confusion. “Let's get upstairs so we can talk in private.”

“Okay.” I said as we started the walk to the back door of the hotel.

We reached the door and it was unlocked again. “So, are you fucking the desk clerk or do you own the hotel? How is this door always unlocked for you?” I said sarcastically. I was not being the nice Bella he had come to know. I was being bitch Bella that wasn't taking his shit today.

His face really looked like he was thoroughly confused. “Well don't fucking beat around the bush or anything. No I'm not fucking the desk clerk. She keeps my card on file for us and I call her when I'm coming and she unlocks the door.”

Well aren't you Mr. Big Time?

“Oh okay.” I replied as the elevator opened to let us on. We both got on and he didn't try to touch me again. I guess I had broke his confidence by refusing his hug.

We didn't say anything else until we reached the room and entered. He had, again, gotten the suite. I was really gonna have to figure out where he was getting all this money from.

I didn't even go to the bedroom. That would have been too easy for him to assume we would be having sex. I automatically sat down on the chair in the living room. I crossed my arms and legs and looked at him expectantly.

He sat down on the couch as close to me as he could get. He looked really anxious. I saw him open and close his mouth a couple times without actually saying anything. Ha ha. That's what you get. That's how I felt.

“Are you going to actually say something? Or did we come here to stare at each other?” I asked him.

“Damn, why are you being so mean?”

“This isn't me being mean, Edward. Being mean would be to have your best friend right here with his hands all over me. That would be mean, Edward.”

“Oh! I see what's going on. This is how it's gonna be between us?” He asked.

I maintained a straight face and said “Yes, Edward. This is how it's gonna be.”

“Okay. Bella, I'm sorry. Really. I know that I hurt you. I wasn't trying to hurt you though.” He explained.

He stopped and looked at me. Why are you stopping now? Continue. I nodded my head to him for him to continue.

“I didn't want to dance with Rosalie. She drug me out to the dance floor. I didn't want to insult her and tell her no. I wasn't even enjoying myself. When you and Emmett came out there, I was so jealous. You let him grab your tits right in front of me. That was mean Bella.”

“I only let Em do that because you and Rose were all up on each other. I couldn't take it.”

“We were not all up on each other, Bella. We were just dancing. Then I figured you were better off without me so I let Rose touch me more than I should have. I thought I was doing what was best for you. I didn't know I was hurting you and making things worse.” He said as he looked at his hands in his lap and shook his head.

“Well it looked like there was more to it than just dancing. So, I'm sorry I let Em do that in front of you. Why are you trying to make decisions for me? You didn't think to ask me what I wanted before deciding what's best for me?”

“Bella, I'm sorry that things got out of hand. I'm sorry that I was making decisions about your life with out asking you. It was just a big misunderstanding.”

“I guess it was. We just should've talked about some things first. There's things I need to know about you and we need to set some rules for being in public together.” I said as I reached over to touch his knee.

“I think so too.” he said as he took my hand in his. “First rule, no making out with Em in front of me. I can't watch that.”

“Okay. I think I can manage to keep him at bay. Rule for you, no heavy flirting or heavy touching other girls in front me. It makes me want to vomit.”

He chuckled. “Fair enough. Just remember that I will have to talk to women or else people are gonna start to wonder what's wrong with me.”

I looked at him skeptically. “Deal. Now I have a question for you.” He nodded his head. “Do you have a girlfriend? Kids? I just need to know how much wrong I am doing.”

“No, that's understandable. I would've asked you the same questions but I already knew the answers. I had an unfair advantage. No and No.” He said confidently. I felt a small bit of relief from his answers.

“That makes me feel a little better.”

“I'm glad.” he said as he got up to close the small distance between us. He opened his arms again, asking for another hug. I stood up and entered his arms. He closed them around me and hugged me tightly.

I had to admit that it felt really nice to have him hold me again, to feel his touch. He lightly kissed the top of my head as he held me against his chest.

“I like seeing you in your scrubs. It's kind of hot.” He whispered in my ear. I felt his warm sweet breath on my ear and it made me shudder slightly. I took a deep breath and inhaled his delicious scent.

“Don't even try it Edward.”

“Try what, Bella?”

“Try to seduce me. It's not going to work.” I said as I pulled myself out of his embrace.

“I'm not trying to seduce you. I've missed you. I've missed your touch, your smell, your lips.” He said as he leaned down to capture my lips with his. Don't let him. Don't let him. Stay strong.

I couldn't deny him. I had missed his lips just as much as he missed mine, if not more.

I felt that wonderful jolt of electricity as his lips met mine. After a few moments I felt his tongue slide against my lips. I opened my mouth to him and felt his tongue begin to dance with mine. Pull away. Pull away. Fuck! I can't.

I knew then that I could not control my desire for him and there was no use in fighting it. There was a force beyond my control that was bringing us together.

He finally pulled out of our kiss. His eyes were still closed and he leaned his forehead against mine. “Damn Bella. I've missed you so much. I'm sorry I acted like an idiot.”

“Ditto.” I replied.

He grabbed my hands and led me into the bedroom. I followed behind him hesitantly. When we reached the bed he turned around and released my hands. He looked deep into my eyes and brought his hands up to my neck. He lightly massaged my neck for a few moments and then moved down my arms. He then grabbed the hem of my top and slowly began to lift it over my head. He then ran his fingertips lightly down the front of my chest and over my breasts.

He then bent down and took of my sneakers before reaching up to the elastic at the top of my pants. He slid a few fingers in between the elastic and my skin and he slowly pulled them down and off of me. He ran his hands up my legs and over my butt. He lightly kissed my stomach before standing up. He spun me around and laid me down on the bed.

He stood back up and slowly began to undress for me. His body looked so amazing. He really looked like he had stepped out a Roman museum. I would never tire of watching his naked body.

Once he was completely naked, I met his eyes and reached out my hands for him. “Come here, Edward. I need to feel you now.”

He simply smiled and crawled on the bed in between my legs. I could feel the heat emanating from his body. He bent down over me and captured my lips with his again. I could feel his erection pressing against my wet slit. I wanted him to enter me so badly. I couldn't wait anymore.

I grabbed his butt and pushed his hips into me. I finally got what I wanted, when I felt his erection slid inside of me. It filled me completely and I felt like I was whole.

He continued to thrust into me as we kissed with our eyes open. I couldn't bring myself to close my eyes. I wanted to watch him.

I knew it wouldn't take long for my orgasm to overtake me. I was so easily excited by him that having an orgasm didn't take much time or effort.

“Edward.... you feel so good.....inside of me.”

“Bella...... you are......amazing.”

I felt my whole body warm and felt the surge build inside of me. My orgasm quickly over took me and I shouted “Edward......Edward......Oh My God....... Shit!” I rode out my glorious orgasm and it seemed to make me forget every bad thought I had towards him.

“Damn Bella, I'm not gonna last much longer.” He said as he continued his thrusts.

“Come for me baby.”

After that, he increased his speed and soon he his body was shaking, he was grunting into my hair. He laid on top of me for a few moments before he kissed my lips again. He rolled over on to his side and stroked my cheek gently.

I didn't know where we would go from here. I knew that if we continued our relationship like this, that I would be incapable of ending it. I had truly gotten myself in over my head. And I loved it.

Chapter 17- My Little Secret.

2009-07-30T19:48:00.001-04:00

(Bella POV)

BGP- Why are we always meeting in hotels when you have a whole house to yourself?

Edward and I have upgraded our daily conversations to instant messaging over the past few months. Our texting had gotten totally out of control. It became quicker and easier to instant message each other on our phones. We couldn't actually talk on the phone for fear of other people hearing. Our conversations aren't always G rated and were definitely not work appropriate.

We have gotten to the point where we talk to each other every day for one reason or another. Sometimes, it's just to say 'hi' and other times it's to figure out if we can meet.

He has become such a part of my life that I'm not sure I can be without him now. It seems odd to say that I have two totally different and great relationships with two different men at the same time. I have days where I feel really bad for cheating on Em and I can't even attempt to rationalize it. I just know that, at this point in my life, I need both of them. I know it's selfish but it's the truth. I know that I am confused and that it's not fair to either of them and I've wrecked my brain trying to make a choice and I just can't. There's a small part of me that wishes Em would meet someone new and just leave me. That way I wouldn't have to be the bad guy.

EMGD- What are you talking about? I thought you liked the hotels? You know I'm not big on having guests at my house.

I'm a guest now? You've been fucking the shit out of me for the past damn near four months and now I'm a guest?

BGP- I do like the hotels but that has to get expensive. Wouldn't it just be easier to do it at your house?

He is so weird sometimes. I don't understand why a single man would continue to pay for hotels when he could just have me come to his house and save some money. I understand that we are limited in our choices of meeting locations but I know those hotels aren't cheap. The man never chooses the cheap hotels, it's always the four and five star hotels.

EMGD- It would be easier but I always felt like hotels were neutral places and you would feel comfortable.

I'm comfortable anywhere Em doesn't know about. It's weird that Edward hasn't invited Em over to his house yet. I really figured he would have by now but it seems that Edward would rather come to our house and hang out. Weird tendencies.

BGP- I was just trying to look out for you. I feel like you are spending so much money on hotels that are unnecessary. Are you scared for me to k now where you live? You should know you can trust me by now. You're not hiding national secrets in your house are you?

EMGD-Funny Bella. If I was worried about the money, I would've said something already. I'm not scared for you to know where I live and I know I can trust you. Do you want to come over that bad?

BGP- Yes! I do! I wanna see where you are everyday. I wanna see what your bedroom looks like.

EMGD- We are supposed to meet tonight. Do you wanna come to my house instead?

What? Wow! He really invited me over. I didn't think this day would ever come.

BGP- YES!!!! The same time we were gonna meet at hotel?

EMGD-Yes, I'll see you then. Have a good rest of the day.

Fuck! I still have three hours to work.

I had already told Em that I was working a few extra hours tonight. I had gotten a pay raise not long after Edward and I started regularly seeing each other; which meant that Em hadn't noticed the difference in my pay because it was basically the same as before.

I finished my rounds and the rest of the three long hours at work. Just as I was getting to my car in the lot, my phone alerted me to a new IM.

EMGD- Here's the directions to my house. 285 North to South Atlanta Road exit. Take a left off of exit. Take a right at the 2nd light. 1st street on right, 2nd street on left and 4th house on left. I can't wait to see you. Be safe.

Such good timing. It's like he read my mind.

BGP- Thank you. Me too. See you soon.

I began the short drive to his house. I am always paranoid when I'm on the way to meet him. I'm always thinking of the worst things possible. What if my car breaks down or I get a flat tire? What if I pass Em on the road? What if Em has an emergency and needs me? Somehow, none of those things have ever happened.

There was one time when we thought we had been caught. We were getting ready to leave the hotel and I was looking out the window to make sure no one we knew was out there. I saw a truck in the lot that looked just like one of Em's friends' trucks. I was so paranoid that I made Edward sit in that hotel with me for an hour until I saw the person come out and get in that truck. Thankfully, it wasn't the guy I was thinking of but I was really scared. I knew then that we couldn't stay in hotels forever. No one knows where he lives and it would be easier for us to meet there.

EMGD- Are you almost here? I'll open the garage for you to park in.

BGP- I'm turning into the neighborhood now.

Sure enough, when I pulled into the driveway the garage door was open and my pulse raced with the sight of Edward standing at the door connecting to the house. His house is huge! Damn, this is a nice house. The garage was on the back side of the house. The house was a beautiful three level, Craftsman style home. The chimney was made of stone. It looked like it belonged in the mountains, not in the city.

The effect he has on me hasn't dulled one bit. Every time I saw him was like the first time. I've become addicted to that feeling. It was like a drug to me. If I haven't seen him for a few days, I start to feel almost empty.

I pulled into the garage and he hit the button to shut it behind me. He walked over to my car and opened it for me.

“Bella! I didn't ever think you would get here.” He exclaimed as he held out his arms to me.

“I came straight here, crazy.” I replied as I entered his arms and hugged him tightly.

“Mmmm. This is where you always need to be.” He whispered into my ear.

“I agree.” I said as I pulled out of the hug and looked up into his eyes and pulled myself up to his mouth. I needed to feel his lips pressed against mine. I instantly relaxed when I felt his moist lips.

He lifted his head and said “Now, that's a proper greeting.”

“I know, right? So, give me a tour of the castle.”

“Okay. Follow me.” He stated as he began to walk back into the house. I followed behind him and was stunned by the beauty of this house. I expected it to be nice but not this nice.

He took me through the house one room at a time. We started on the first floor, then went to the backyard and deck. We made our way through the second floor and then he ended it there. He acted like the third floor ,that I could clearly see the steps to, didn't exist. He simply turned around and started to walk down the steps to the first floor. Of course, this makes me even more curious as to what is on the third floor but he clearly didn't want to tell me.

“Edward” he turned to look at me. “What about up there?” I said as I pointed towards the ascending stairs.

“Umm” he said as he turned to walk back down the stairs. “There's nothing up there yet. I haven't furnished it yet. So, there's nothing to see.”

I followed him down the stairs but I was at a loss of words. How can I ask to go up there without sounding like a nosy bitch? If he doesn't want me to see it, he just doesn't. What's up there? The man has lived here for a while now and the rest of the house is beautifully decorated and completely furnished. He expects me to believe he just stopped with the third floor? He's probably manufacturing drugs up there or something. Maybe that's where all his money is coming from? Maybe he's making counterfeit money? Maybe that's where his girlfriend keeps her stuff? Fuck! I need to chill out and just enjoy being here. This is probably the reason he didn't ask me over before.

Edward and I sat on the couch in the living room and watched TV for a little while. It's nice to be with him in his own personal space. He laid his head in my lap and I ran my fingers through his silky hair. It's not often that we get time to just be together and I decided to take advantage of it. I still haven't found out exactly what happened the night his parents died. I didn't want to bring it up during our times together because I wanted those times to be fun and loving not depressing.

I've been pressing my luck all day with my requests and questions so why stop now?

“Edward.”

“Hmm?”

“I wanna ask you about something but if you don't want to talk about it, just say so. Okay?”

“Okay.” He replied as he sat up on the couch. I became nervous as he looked straight into my eyes. “Shoot.”

“Well.... I.... was just wondering if you would tell me about the night your parents died? No one in your family ever talks about it.”

He sat quiet for a few moments and looked down at his hands. He was deciding whether or not he was going to tell me. I didn't want to pressure him into telling me. I just wanted to know these things about him. I wanted him to share all his stories with me. I wanted to know everything that made him the man that he is today.

“Well, it was the night I graduated from high school. My parents drove separately from me since I had to be there early. After the ceremony was over I met them in the bleachers for pictures and congratulations from the family. There was a big party that I wanted to go to but they wanted to take me to dinner first. I gave in and agreed to dinner. They wanted to take me somewhere nice. We decided on Justin's in Atlanta. I was in such a rush to get dinner over with and get to the stupid party, that I drove like a mad man to get there. We were almost to the exit and I could see Dad struggling to keep up with me. Then I heard screeching tires behind me and I looked in my rear view mirror to see my parents' car flying through the air.” He hesitated to continue. I could see his eyes getting glassy and I knew it was hard for him to finish the story.

“I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have asked you. I should've waited for you to tell me when you were ready. I'm an idiot.” I stated as I shook my head.

“Bella, you're not an idiot. I didn't think you ever wanted to know about this. I can finish.” He took a deep breath and looked back down at his hands. “I saw their car flying and flipping through the air and I slammed on my brakes and stopped the car right in the middle of the interstate. Luckily, there wasn't much traffic out that night because I ran out of my car and over to my parents' car. It had finally stopped flipping and was just laying there upside down on the side of the road. I tried to call out to my parents but they never responded. I couldn't get to them to try and pull them out. The paramedics and fire department arrived shortly after the crash. They had to use the Jaws of Life to even get to my parents. I knew they were gone as soon as I saw them. The doctors said that they died on impact. I don't know if I believe them but it does make me feel better to know they didn't suffer.” I saw tears begin to fall down his face. God! I am so stupid for even bringing this up!

“Edward, it's okay.” I grabbed his hands and started rubbing soothing circles on them with my thumbs. “I'm so sorry about your parents. I'm sorry you had to go through that.”

“Bella, it was all my fault. If I hadn't been in such a fucking rush, they would still be here. I killed them. It's my fault.” He was now sobbing hard.

“You can't blame yourself, Edward. It was not your fault. Everything happens for a reason. You can't carry that guilt with you.”

He continued to sob and it broke my heart. I felt like the worst person ever for asking him to talk about it.

I hugged him while he cried. I wanted to comfort him. I wanted him to know that I was here for him. I wanted to make all his pain go away. I wanted to take the guilt from him.

After a while he released me and took a deep breath. “Bella, I didn't mean to break down like that in front of you.”

“It's fine. I'm sorry I brought it up.” I said timidly.

“No, don't be. I haven't talked about them in a while. Maybe next time I can tell you some of the good stories of them.”

I smiled knowing that he actually wanted to open up to me and that he wanted me to know about his parents. “That would be great. I'd be honored.”

“How much longer do you have before you have to go home?” He asked me.

“I have a few more hours. Why?”

He grabbed my hand and stood up from the couch. “Will you come upstairs with me?”

“Of course.” I stood up and followed behind him. He led me up the stairs and into the room he had earlier said was his bedroom.

He led me over to the bed and he laid down and patted the bed asking me to lay next to him. There was no way I could deny him anything after the break down he just had.

I laid down on the bed next to him and he pulled me against his chest and lightly kissed my lips. I was certain he was going to start undressing me but he never did. We laid there snuggled against each other , listening to our breaths, and inhaling our scents for what seemed like hours. We have never done anything like that. Our relationship has always been so sexual and I wasn't sure if we were even capable of doing something like this.

“Bella?”

“Yes.”

“Thank you.”

“What are you thanking me for?” I ruined this whole day. What would he have to thank me for?

“For just being you and being here with me. Just holding you comforts me.”

“You're welcome. I enjoyed it.”

“Me too. Are you hungry? I'm starving.”

“Yeah, actually, I am. Guess I'll grab something on the way home.”

“No. We still have some time. I'll cook you something.” He rolled off the bed and I did the same. I walked with him down the stairs and into the kitchen.

“You worked all day. Have a seat on one of the stools by the island. What would you like to eat?”

“Hmmm..... tough decision Chef Edward.” I said jokingly trying to lighten the serious mood we had created. “I love french toast and haven't had any in a while. Can you make that?”

“I most certainly can, Queen Bella.” He said as he bowed to me. I was glad he saw what I was trying to do and went with it.

He cooked the french toast and it was the best I've ever had. I was really starting to believe I had made this man up in my head. He was sensitive, caring, gentle, great in bed, amazing cook, obviously wealthy, built like a Roman God. There had to be some flaw in him that I just didn't know of yet.

By the time I was done eating, it was time for me to leave. I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay with him all night. I wanted to see what he looked like in the morning. I wanted to wake up and look in his eyes. We were starting to journey into new territory and I didn't want to chance losing it. He was opening himself to me. We had spent a whole meeting with our clothes on. Ha had allowed me into his house. He had cooked for me. These were things that I never thought would happen. I assumed it would always just be a sexual relationship.

“I guess I have to go.” I said reluctantly as I stood at my car door.

“I guess so.” He shrugged his shoulders with a somber look on his face. “I hate to see you go. I had a great time with you today.”

“I did too.” I said as our eyes met and he bent down to capture my lips with his. It was a sweet chaste kiss. There was no tongue involved. We knew that if we involved the tongues that I wouldn't be leaving anytime soon.

“Drive safely. Let me know that you made it home, okay?” He asked as he held me face in his hands.

“I will. I always do.” I opened my door and sat down into the seat. He closed the door behind me and walked over the button to open the garage door. I blew him a kiss and put the car in reverse. He smiled and blew me one in return as I backed out.

I pulled away from his house and felt instantly saddened. I was so happy when I was with him but I always felt sad when I left.

I always feel like the worst person on the planet when I'm driving home to Em after being with Edward. I really do love him and I always feel like shit for doing this to him. I know I should just break up with him but I can't. I know he deserves someone that won't lie to him and that will treat him like the good man he is. I always worry that I am going to forget to clear out my phone or that I will slip up and say something to give me away. I don't want Em to ever know what Edward and I do. It would devastate him to know that both his girl and his cousin had been lying to him and sleeping with each other behind his back. I have to make sure that he never finds out the truth. If we eventually break up, I would have to leave out the Edward part. He would be hurt enough to know that I was cheating, it would only make it worse to know the whole truth. Just thinking about Em finding out makes my stomach hurt.

I needed to calm down and think happy thoughts about Em. He loves me and I love him and I need to remember that.

Chapter 18- What's A Man To Do.

2009-07-28T17:11:00.001-04:00

Chapter 18- What's A Man To Do. (Edward POV)

What the fuck is touching my leg? What the hell? I awoke completely startled and having no idea what the fuck was moving up my leg. My head was under the covers, so all I could see was pure darkness. I could feel the covers touching my bare skin, since I only sleep in my boxers. I kicked my leg trying to shake off what ever the fuck it was that was touching me. When I did, I hit something hard and heard a light 'yelp'. Fucking Tanya. She's about to end this shit before it even gets started again.

“Tanya, how the fuck did you get in to my room?” I yelled as I tore the covers from my body.

She stood up looking completely shocked. Like she couldn't believe I had just fucking questioned her. I fucking said I would think about it! Not that you could do what ever the fuck you wanted to in my house.

I tried to calm down, so I didn't go completely ballistic on her. She remained standing there beside my bed looking fucking hurt and innocent in her small red camisole and boy shorts. If she hadn't ruined the great dream I had been having, her outfit may have made my dick twitch.

“Are you gonna answer me Tanya? I know I locked that fucking door. How did you get in my fucking room?” I repeated in a lower tone.

She looked down at her hands and timidly said “I just wanted surprise you this morning.”

“Tanya, you have done nothing but surprise me. You show up here out of the blue. Then you tell me you want us to get back together and now, when I'm trying to have some peace and quiet, you decide to break into my room and get in my bed. Are you even fucking thinking? You know I do not go for this type of shit.” I stated to her as I got out of bed and threw on some jogging pants. I was seriously frustrated with her behavior and she had to see it. The stunts she has pulled this weekend are not getting her anywhere close to being back in my good graces.

I walked past her and out of the door, heading down to the kitchen. I didn't hear her footsteps behind me but she would follow me if she knew what was good for her. I was in desperate need of some caffeine, soon. Otherwise, I wasn't sure of how calm I could keep myself around Tanya. I started the coffee machine and turned around to see Tanya sitting in one of the stools at the island.

She didn't say anything. She just looked at me. I'm not sure if the look she was attempting to give was supposed to be sexy or sweet but it wasn't either. It was just pissing me off. She interrupted my peaceful slumber and I was still upset about it.

“Tanya” I said and he face instantly lightened up. “How long are you planning on staying? I do have a life, you know, and I can't just stop everything for you.”

“I know you have a life. I want to be a part of your life here. I have to be back at work tomorrow, so I'm leaving tonight.”

I hate to sound like an asshole but that was the best news I've heard yet. Shit down here was getting complicated enough without having Tanya here. Before I could make a decision on my relationship with her, I needed to figure out what was going on with Bella.

“Okay. Well what did you have planned to do today?”

“Nothing. I wasn't sure what would happen with you. You are the whole reason I came down here.”

So now I have to entertain her all day. Great!

The coffee was finished and I grabbed two mugs and poured us each a cup. We sat in silence for a few minutes while we sipped our coffee. I might as well make the best out of today. I obviously can't talk to Bella today.

“I don't have any concrete plans for today. What would you think about going into the city and seeing some of the fun things Atlanta has to offer?”

“Oh Edward! That would be great!” She exclaimed with a huge smile on her face.

She and I got ready for our day in the city. We hopped into my car and made the quick drive into downtown Atlanta. I took her to see the Georgia Aquarium and the Coca-Cola Factory. After that we were pretty hungry, so I took her to eat at a place I knew she had probably never heard of. It wasn't a fancy restaurant with a long wait. I took her to The Varsity. She looked completely disgusted at first but once she actually tasted the food, she loved it.

It was getting late and I needed to get her back to my house so she could get her bags and get to the airport. We, actually, had a great time. It was almost like old times. It was almost like before I got the money. She was a totally different person back then, I missed that person.

I didn't need to drive her to the airport since she had the rental car. We said our goodbyes in the driveway. I gave her a warm hug and a chaste kiss and then she drove off.

I knew she had wanted sex. She thought if we had sex, that I would want her back. I wasn't giving into her.

Bella was on my mind. As always. I needed to talk to her. To make sure that she and I were okay. I just had no idea of what to say to her. She looked so hurt the last time I saw her. Maybe, I just needed to give her some time to cool down.

I spent the remainder of the night laying on the couch with my mind going in circles. I wanted to do something but had no idea of what to do. Did I want to get back with Tanya or let it go for good? Did I want more with Bella or could I live with just sex?

The following week, I didn't really talk to anyone. Some paperwork at the bank had gotten messed up and it was taking all of my time and concentration to correct the mistakes that had been made by my accountant in Chicago.

Tanya called, a lot. I had no time to talk to her. She didn't want anything important and I knew it. Bella never called. I assumed she was waiting for me to contact her. I felt bad for not doing it sooner but I had to take care of business.

I had put it off long enough and it was time to right my wrongs with her. I apologized and, surprisingly, she accepted. I knew I would have to make it up to her. I knew she wouldn't just let me back in easily.

We met at the hotel and I was really confused when she refused to even hug me, but I understood. We talked and got everything out in the open. We discussed things that we should have in the beginning. It felt like we were starting on a new page and I felt relieved that she knew how I felt. I was conflicted on whether or not I should tell her about Tanya. I wanted to be honest with her but I wasn't sure of what I was going to do about Tanya. Why would I tell her about someone that may not even interfere with what we have? Our situation is already difficult enough and I didn't want to complicate it further for something that was just a possibility. I would tell her the truth when the time was right.

I hadn't planned on having sex with Bella that night. I knew that our relationship was based on sex but I didn't want her to think sex was all we could have. Things between us went so smoothly that it only seemed right. I wanted to show her how I felt about her. I wanted to show her that it was all about her. That it's always about her.

The sex was amazing but, then again, it was always amazing with her. After being with her, I'm sure sex with anyone else would feel strange, almost wrong. I've only been with Bella since I moved back. I've had no need or desire for another woman.

That night ended too soon. All of my nights with her end too soon. It was time to come back to reality.

Over the next couple of months Bella and I had been seeing each other pretty regularly. We had worked out a schedule that didn't cause too much suspicion and if anyone knew about us, they didn't say anything. I liked our routine. It was comfortable. I looked forward to days I knew I would see her. We managed to see each other at least once a week and, sometimes, even two or three times if we were lucky.

The days when Bella didn't work were the hardest. We couldn't talk when she was home with Emmett because that would be too risky. I'm always jealous of Emmett on those days. He gets to spend the whole day with her doing whatever they want. He gets to wake up to her face every morning. He gets to see her smile everyday.

I always wondered about her on the days she didn't work. I hoped Emmett was being good to her and hoped she was having a good day. I wondered if she was thinking about me or looking at the same stars as I was at night. I've turned into a fucking sap, I know.

Then there was Tanya. She and I talked at least a few times a week. She began making weekend trips to Atlanta once or twice a month. Things between us were nice. They were getting back to the Tanya I liked. Her visits were a welcome escape from the mind torture that was Bella.

I was even more conflicted now. Betraying Emmett was taking it's toll on my mentally. Now, not only am I lying to Emmett but I'm lying to Bella and Tanya. Neither one of them knew about the other. I couldn't tell Tanya about Bella or she would go fucking nuts on me and ruin everything I have with Bella. I could tell Bella about Tanya but I was afraid that she would say she didn't want to be with me anymore. That she would say it was too much of a complication.

When Tanya was in town, I would take her to all of the local hot spots. We would go to dinners or sometimes we would just stay in and rent a movie. I enjoyed my time with Tanya but she wasn't Bella.

Even though I felt bad about it, I couldn't sit around and wait and hope that Bella would leave Emmett. She didn't seem any closer to making that decision than she had been when we first started this affair.

On Tanya's last trip here, we had a very big discussion. It seemed as if our relationship had began to progress. She had managed to once again be the woman I met and cared for. I wasn't sure if Bella had opened the flood gates to my heart or what but I was feeling like I could actually love Tanya. As long as she remained the nice, caring person she was before the money came.

“Edward” Tanya began as I looked over at her. “How do you feel about me? I've been really enjoying our time together and I still really miss you when you aren't around. I just want to know where I stand with you.”

“I've been enjoying our time together too. It's nice to have the old you back. I was really hurt when you wouldn't move down here with me and I was sure I would never see you again. I wasn't even sure if I could take you back after you showed up on my doorstep. After these last few months and I am really feeling like things could move forward with us. Feelings that I thought were gone are returning, little by little.”

“I didn't realize what a big mistake I was making by not moving down here with you. I'm thankful that you decided to give me another chance. How would feel about me wanting to move down here now? Is that completely out of the question?”

“No, Tanya, it's not out of the question but what about your job?”

“I would have to train my replacement but I'm sure it wouldn't take any longer than a month. Are you sure there is room for me in your life here?”

“I'm positive. Take all the time you need. I'll start getting some things moved around in the house to make room for your stuff.”

“You really mean it Edward?”

“Yes, I really mean it.” She jumped up and into my arms and repeatedly kissed my cheek.

“I can't believe it! I'm so happy! I'm gonna make you so happy. You'll see!” She exclaimed as she jumped up and down.

That was a few weeks ago and Tanya has been slowing making the move to Atlanta. Every couple of days I get a knock on the door with more boxes she had shipped to my house. I set them in one of the spare rooms until she comes down and can arrange her things exactly how she wants.

I cleared out one of the closets in the master bedroom for Tanya's clothes. I cleared off one side of the bathroom vanity for her. Making room for her in this home was oddly relaxing. It was a welcome distraction from always waiting on Bella, which seemed to be what I spent most of my time away from Tanya doing lately.

Today, of all days, Bella decides she wants to come to my house. I knew this day would come eventually but I wasn't prepared for it yet. I knew it was impossible for me to deny her anything. She has that crazy power over me. I reluctantly agreed. She and I had already arranged to meet tonight so, I just needed to call and cancel the room at the hotel.

I inspected my house before Bella came over. I needed to make sure that there wasn't any evidence that another woman had been here. I wasn't sure why I was trying to so hard to cover up the truth but I just wasn't ready to tell Bella. Technically, she didn't have any reason to be mad at me even if she did find out. I was betraying my cousin for her. Tanya isn't anything to her. Still, I wasn't ready for the possibility that Bella would end us.

I contained all evidence of Tanya's existence to the master bedroom on the third floor. I could hope Bella wouldn't ask to go up there.

Once, the house was cleared for Bella's arrival, I called Tanya. I wanted to go ahead and get it out of the way. That way there would be no interruptions during my time with Bella. I wanted us to be able to focus all of our attention on each other for the entire time I had her here.

When Bella was here, there were no thoughts of Tanya. When I felt her in my arms, it felt right. It felt like she belonged there. Did she know that? Could she feel it too?

Bella, of course, asked for the tour of the house. What had I thought she wouldn't? I gave her the tour of the first floor and the second floor and then I attempted to pretend that the third floor didn't exist. She wouldn't let me get away with it that easy though. She is too inquisitive for her own good.

I panicked in my mind when she asked what was on the third floor. I had no idea what to tell her. It was my chance to tell her the truth and I couldn't man up and do it. So, I lied and told her that it wasn't furnished and there was nothing to see. I could see in her face that she wasn't believing me but she didn't question me again. She just followed me back down the stairs. I breathed a sigh of relief.

I will tell her the truth, just not today.

We were sitting on the couch just being together and hanging out when Bella asked me about my parents. It had shocked me that she wanted to know about them. I didn't know how much Emmett had told her. Knowing him, he didn't tell her too much. He usually lets people tell their own stories.

I wanted to open up to her. I wanted her to know what had happened to my parents but I haven't talked about them in a long time. I wasn't sure I could even get through the whole story without breaking down. I have tried not to think about that night for a long time.

I manned up and told her the whole, horrid story of my parents' accident and how it was all my fault. I completely broke down in front of her, which is exactly what I didn't want to do. I felt like such a pussy. I'm a grown man sitting here crying about my parents' accident that happened years ago.

Bella didn't make me feel like any less of man. She was compassionate and caring. She listened and comforted me when I needed it. She didn't laugh at me. She let me cry while she held me. This is why I love her.

I didn't want her to think that she had ruined the day but after opening up like that, I didn't want to have sex. I wanted to be with her in a way that we had never been before. This whole day was new territory for us and I wanted to take it a step further.

As sexy as she always is to me, I resisted the urge to undress her and have my way with her in my home. I laid there with her, in the bed she assumes is my bed, and technically it is because I paid for it. We laid there and simply held each other in peace, in glorious peace.

I thought about asking her what she was thinking but I decided not to ruin this moment by asking questions that could wait.

I knew she would have to be going soon and it was late. There was no way in hell I would make her stop to get food when I was perfectly capable of making her something here. She had to be hungry by now. Fortunately for me, I was really great at homemade french toast. So, I was eager to make that for her. I knew she would love it and I was attempting to make up for not showing her the third floor.

I was sad to see her leave. I was always sad to see her leave. I hated that she had to drive home at such a late hour but there wasn't anything I could do about it. I thought about following her home to make sure she made it safely but that would be creepy.

I watched her back out of my driveway and it felt like a small piece of me left with her.

I walked back into the house and went up to my bedroom..... wait, mine and Tanya's bedroom as it would be known soon. I laid down on the bed and attempted to relax. It didn't happen. I couldn't relax when I had so much inner turmoil going on.

I know that I love Bella but I can't have all of Bella. I think I'm growing to love Tanya but she's not Bella. Bella wants me but doesn't want to leave Emmett. Tanya is leaving her comfort zone to be with me. Didn't I owe it to Tanya to give it an honest try? She was after all uprooting her entire life for this relationship. I was more confused than ever and had no idea what to do about it.

The only conclusion I could come to is that I am a greedy bastard that can't make a fucking decision and that I'm going to end up hurting everyone I care about. Yet, I'm too much of a fucking idiot to do anything to stop it. What the fuck have I really gotten myself into? I'm gonna end up with alone and stupid.

Tanya's move would be complete in a week or two. What would I do then? Would Bella want to come here all the time instead of hotels? I knew Tanya would find a job down here. She loves money but is not the type to sit around on her ass all day. Maybe I could arrange for Tanya to be gone when Bella is coming over. I could send Tanya shopping or something to occupy her time. I will have to find a way to make this work.

Chapter 19 Teaser

2009-07-27T22:01:00.001-04:00

“Bella, I'm sorry but do you know how it feels to be in love with the same woman as your cousin? It fucking makes me sick. She's nothing to you. He's my cousin. It's a lot harder for me.”

“What the fuck does that have to do with it? You still lied to me. That's the fucking point, Edward. And you're not in love with me or you wouldn't have lied. So don't even try to pull that card.” I spat at him.

“I know that lying to you was wrong and I'm really really sorry but I'm not the only one lying to you.”

I looked at him quizzically. “What does that mean? Who are you talking about?”

“I'm talking about your precious Emmett.”

“Emmett? What is he lying to me about?” I really didn't know what he was trying to say. Quit trying to take the focus off of you.

Chapter 19- Emotional Rollercoaster

2009-07-27T21:46:00.001-04:00

Chapter 19- Emotional Rollercoaster. (Bella POV)

“Good morning, babe.” I heard as I felt Em kiss my neck lightly.

“Is it morning already?” I mumbled as I rolled over to face Emmett. “Good morning.” I pressed my lips against his lightly.

He had a look of content on his face. “We have all day together. What do you wanna do today?” He said as he lightly rubbed my lower back.

“I haven't really thought about it. What did you have in mind?”

“I don't really know. Why don't we just go get some movies and hang out at the house?”

That actually sounded really nice. I could use a day to just sit back and chill. Maybe the movies will keep my mind busy and I won't wonder about Edward. “That sounds nice Em. We could use some alone time together. Between work and you going to school, we never get to just hang out anymore.”

We went to the video store and picked up a few movies and some snacks. We decided to get a variety of movies since we couldn't agree on a just one. We got a comedy, an action and a horror.

On our way back home, my phone alerted me to a new text message. Please don't be Edward. He knows I can't talk today.

I opened the message and saw that it was from Alice. I feel so bad. I have been neglecting my friends ever since this thing with Edward started.

Hey Bella! I miss you so much! How are you? A

Hey Ali! I miss you too! I'm good. How are you? Oh, and better yet, how is Jasper? B

They are so cute together. I hope they are still going strong. I'm sure she would've called me if something had happened.

He is great. I am great. WE are great!! I love him so much! He's the best thing that's ever happened to me. A

Aww, Alice. I'm really happy to hear that. We need to get together soon. B

I really do miss her most of all. She has always been a great friend to me. I'm really happy that she has Jasper in her life.

Definitely! I'll call you soon to set up a date. Tell Em I said Hello! Love ya! A

Love you too! B

I'm really glad to hear from her. I'm gonna have to make it a point to keep in touch with her better.

We stopped to get some wine. This way we wouldn't have to leave for the rest of the night.

“What's been going on with fellas? I haven't heard any crazy stories lately. Are they behaving?” I sarcastically asked Em as I grabbed the bag of movies to take into the house.

“Are they ever really behaving?” He said with a small chuckle.

“No. Not really. What are they all up to though?”

“Well, Laurant's baby's momma is driving him crazy as usual. I don't know how he deals with that woman. Jacob just got a new job at the airport. Oh and Edward's girl from Chicago just moved in with him. That's pretty much it.”

What the fuck? Edward's what? My fucking heart literally stopped beating when I heard him say that about Edward. I dropped the bag I was holding and loudly gasped. What the..? When did..? How did..? I fucking specifically asked him this question. He fucking lied to me! In a matter of ten seconds, my moods had shifted from happy to hurt to angry. I still didn't really understand how this man was able to affect me so much.

“Bella! Are you alright?” Emmett shouted as he ran over to me.

“Uhhh...... yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. I just thought I saw a snake over there.” I managed to spit out as I picked up the bag.

“Damn woman! Don't scare me like that.” He said as he let out a sigh of relief.

“I'm sorry, Em. Didn't mean to scare you.” Don't scare you? You have just fucked my whole day. Ugh! Fuck me! How in the fuck did I not know this?

We walked into the house and sat down on the couch. Em put in one of the movies. Honestly, I was too upset and mad and in my own world to even fucking worry about what movie he put in. There's no way I'd be paying any attention to the movie anyways. My fucking mind was racing and I knew that it wouldn't stop until I actually talked to Edward.

I am so fucking mad right now. I am mad at him. I am mad at me. I am mad that I fucking got myself in this situation. I am mad the he fucking blatantly lied to my face. Why in the hell would he lie? I live with his cousin, what could I say to him about having a girlfriend? The least he could've fucking done was be honest with me. Did I not deserve that much? I have risked everything to be with him and this is how he repays me? What the fuck was I thinking?

I sat through the movie and couldn't tell you a single thing about it. However, I managed to drink almost the whole bottle of wine by myself.

My head hurts. My fucking heart hurts. I feel betrayed. I feel naive. I feel stupid.

I knew that I wouldn't be able to talk to Edward until I went back to work the next day. So, I did what most people do. I drowned out my sorrows with alcohol. I was hoping that I would soon just pass out and wouldn't have to think anymore.

I felt bad for Em. Our day together was shot to hell and he had no idea why. I was a shitty fucking girlfriend but my heart was in so much pain that I couldn't even put a fake ass smile on my face. Em deserves someone better than me and I know it. When would he realize it?

*********

Ow! Fuck! My head! That bottle of wine was not a good idea.

I managed to get out of bed. I reeked of alcohol and my whole body was in pain. I needed a shower and fast. I walked into the warm spray of water and let it cover my body. The heat was slowly easing the ache in my muscles but it wasn't doing shit for my heart. I needed to get out of this house quickly. I needed to talk to him, like yesterday.

I threw on some scrubs and brushed through my hair and threw it in a ponytail. I felt like pure shit mentally and physically and I didn't give a fuck what I looked like.

Em was still asleep and I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before I left.

Once I was in the car, I had to text Edward immediately. I knew there was no way I could function properly at work without some type of resolution. I would be of no use to the patients' in my current mind frame.

We need to fucking talk ASAP! B

I've never really cussed at him but I didn't care. He had truly fucked up this time. I was shaking as I waited for his response. I couldn't even grip the steering wheel properly.

Are you ok? What's wrong? What do you need to talk about this early in the morning? E

Fuck you and being this early in the morning. What's wrong is you're a fucking sack of shit liar! No I'm not okay.

I'm not talking to you about it over texts. You need to meet me somewhere. Now! B

Either he's playing stupid or the dumb ass really is fucking stupid.

Damn. Ok. Where? E

Starbucks by your house. B

I no longer gave a shit about being out in public. This relationship clearly wasn't going to continue if Em was telling the truth about Edward.

I called into work. I told them I had a stomach virus. Little did they know the virus' name was Edward Cullen.

My pulse was racing the entire drive to meet him. I felt so betrayed that I wanted to cry but I wouldn't let myself cry over someone that clearly didn't give a shit about me.

I pulled into the parking lot and saw Edward's car. I tried to compose myself before I went into the cafe. I didn't want to make a complete scene.

I got out of the car and went into the building. I saw him sitting at a table and walked over to him. My heart was racing. I was so angry at him and seeing his face made it even worse. I sat down at the table and stared at him intensely while I tried to control my erratic breathing.

“Bella, are you alright? You don't look well?” He said as he reached across the table for my hand

“I don't look well? Am I alright?” I said harshly as my brows furrowed and I rapidly pulled my hand away. “No, I'm not fucking alright. I heard a little story. You wanna know what that fucking story is? Huh? Do you?”

“Uhhhh, yes?” He looked very confused.

“I heard a little story from my boyfriend that that his cousin, who I have been fucking for the last four months or so, just had his girlfriend from Chicago move in with him. This girlfriend that I knew nothing about and that I specifically asked you about? How's that for a story?” His face went blank and I knew then that Em was right. I couldn't fucking believe it. I had secretly hoped Em was just making it up.

He sat quiet for a few moments. He just kept looking down at his hands. You're fucking hands don't have the majic answers.

“Bella” he started “I....I.... don't really know what to say other than I'm sorry.” As he shrugged his shoulders.

I raised my eyebrows at him in a look of shock. “Sorry? That's all you have is sorry? I've risked my whole relationship for you and I get a sorry?”

“What else can I say Bella? I am fucking sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.” He almost sounded like he was in defense mode.

“Then why did you lie to me? What did you think I was gonna say? I have a boyfriend. I couldn't be mad at you for having a girlfriend but you should have told me. Now I can't trust you at all.”

He looked into my eyes for a moment before he spoke. “I know I should've told you. I just felt like if you knew about her that you would leave. I was an idiot.”

“You're fucking right you are an idiot. If you had told me the truth, could've worked through this but you lied and now I'll never trust you again.” As I sat back in my chair and shook my head at him.

He cocked his head to the side and raised his eyebrows. “Bella, I'm sorry but do you know how it feels to be in love with the same woman as your cousin? It fucking makes me sick. She's nothing to you. He's my cousin. It's a lot harder for me.”

“What the fuck does that have to do with it?" I said roughly as I threw my hands up in the air. "You still lied to me. That's the fucking point, Edward. And you're not in love with me or you wouldn't have lied. So don't even try to pull that card.” I spat at him. I really didn't believe that he loved me. I only believe he's in love with himself.

He looked really hurt by what I had said and looked back down at his hands that were gripping his cup of coffee. “I know that lying to you was wrong and I'm really really sorry but I'm not the only one lying to you.”

I looked at him quizzically. “What does that mean? Who are you talking about?”

“I'm talking about your precious Emmett.” He said sarcastically as he looked up at me.

I was utterly confused. “Emmett? What is he lying to me about?” I really didn't know what he was trying to say. Quit trying to take the focus off of you.

“I was on your side of town the other day to run a few errands. I went into the mall to pick up a few things and I saw Emmett being way to friendly with another woman.” He sat back in his seat and crossed his arms and had a smug look on his face.

“And? He has female friends.”

“They weren't just hanging out. They were definitely more than friends.” He said confidently.

I sat silent for a few seconds. I wasn't comprehending anything anymore. Both of the men in my life are lying to me. Edward, I know for certain had lied to me. Was Em really lying to me? Was he really cheating on me and with who? Fuck my life! This shit gets worse everyday.

I furrowed my brows at him.“Quit trying to change the subject, Edward. You don't need to worry about Em. You need to worry about yourself.” As I pointed my finger at him.

“Well, he is telling all of my business. I might as well tell all of his.” He said in a nonchalant way.

“Nice fucking attitude. It's time for me to go." I grabbed my purse and keys. "I can't sit here and listen to you evade the subject all day.” I turned in my chair and started to rise out of my seat.

“Bella wait.” I turned to shoot him a frustrated look.

“What?” I said sharply.

His face looked so sad and hurt. “Don't leave like this. Please. What about us?” He quietly asked.

Are you fucking serious? Did you not hear anything I just said?

“Edward, at this point, there is no us. You lied. I'm done. End of story. Have fun with your girlfriend.” I said flatly as I rose from my seat and headed towards the exit. I pushed open the door and took one last look at Edward. He looked so hurt and sad. Almost like he was about to cry. I almost felt sorry for him. Then I remembered that he lied to me. I had never lied to him. It was time to keep walking.

I would miss him but if he couldn't at least be honest with me, then we were wasting our time.

I got in my car and pulled out of the lot. My head was spinning and I felt like crying. I wanted to cry for all the lies I had told. Cry for all the lies I had been told. Cry for the person I thought I was and the person I would never be again.

I got in my car and I drove around the city for the longest time. I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to look at pictures of Em. Every time I even thought about Em, I got sick to my stomach. Thinking about him and another woman having sex made me feel like my heart was physically ripping. Before today, I didn't think Em cheating would hurt that bad. After all, I was doing the same thing.

Thinking of Edward and his girlfriend was even worse. That man had done amazing things to me and made me feel things I never thought I would feel. Now, he was doing those things to another woman.

Is Edward's girlfriend the reason I couldn't go on the third floor? What a fucking asshole.

There is no way I can confront Em about this other woman. He's gonna want to know how I know. I can't tell him the truth. I'm gonna have to fucking sit there and act normal. Like I don't fucking know anything. How the fuck can I say something to him about fucking another woman when I'm fucking his cousin? Cousin is worse than a stranger, any day.

This fucking situation gets shittier everyday. I've gotten in way fucking over my head and I have no idea how to get out of it. Other than to say fuck both of them and move on completely. I don't know if I'm strong enough for that.

I drove to a park in the city and sat on a bench for hours. I had no idea where I wanted to go. I didn't want to go home yet. I couldn't go to Edwards. I couldn't go to work. I just fucking sat there like a bump on a log. Feeling completely shitty and worthless.

Chapter 20 Teaser

2009-07-26T15:36:00.000-04:00
"That night when Em went to sleep I did something I thought I would never do. I went through his cell phone. I didn't want to but it's like the old saying 'curiosity killed the cat' and the curiosity was damn sure killing me.

I went through his recent calls list and there weren't any odd names in there. If he was smart he would put it under a guys name to throw me off. I wasn't going to go completely crazy on him and actually call the people in his phone. That would definitely start a whole lot of shit. I went through his text messages and, again, nothing out of the ordinary. Em was either really smart and deleted everything or he really wasn't cheating.

Did Edward plant this idea in my head just to throw me off? Did he do this just to take the focus off of him? Why would he lie about his favorite cousin? Did he think I would just up and leave Em so easily? Maybe I would have before I found out about Edward's girlfriend. Definitely, not now.

I put Em's phone back in his pants pocket where I had taken it from. I sat down on the couch and enjoyed the silence in my home. I had a lot of thinking to do. I knew I had major decisions that needed to be made."

Chapter 20- Ring The Alarm/ Don't Take Your Love Away

2009-07-17T09:54:00.002-04:00

Chapter 20- Ring The Alarm/ Don't Take Your Love Away. (Bella POV)
I finally forced myself to come home. I knew I couldn't just sit there in the park and avoid Emmett and Edward forever. I couldn't wrap my mind around what Edward had said about Em. Could he really be cheating? He says he's in school everyday, I wonder if that's the truth. I felt like I was on an episode of Cheaters. Like I would come home and find Em and some woman having sex in my house.
Em hadn't acted any differently lately towards me. Was I just too wrapped up in my situation with Edward to see what was really going on with him? Had I neglected him that badly? The more I thought about it, the more I felt like a piece of shit.
I should've just fucking ended it with Emmett when I started the affair with Edward. I fucking knew better than to do this shit to someone. Karma was really paying me back for what I had done. He doesn't even know what I did to him but the universe does and it's laughing in my face right now.
I love Em and I should be fair to him. I should just tell him that I met someone else and that I don't think we should be together anymore. I had no intention of ever telling him who it was that I had met. It was unnecessary for him to know that two of the biggest people in his life had gotten together and fucked him over.
I walked into the house and went into the bathroom for a long hot bath. I really needed to relax after my mind had been overloaded with information and accusations lately. Em wasn't home yet. He wouldn't be home for about another hour. Thank God I have a little time to chill before he gets here.
I removed my clothes and threw them in the hamper next to the bathroom door. I felt the cool tile against the bottoms of my feet. I started the water and adjusted it to the right temperature. I added some bath salts as the water filled the tub. I turned the lights off and lit some candles around the tub. I climbed in the warm water and tried to let me body relax and let me mind escape this shit hole of a reality called my life.
Somehow, I managed to fall asleep in the water. I awoke when I heard the front door close. The water temperature had dropped due to the amount of time I had spent in there. I was stepping out of the tub and drying off when I saw Em open the door to the bathroom.
“Hey baby, what are you doing home?” He asked with a surprised look on his face.
“I do live here Em.” I said flatly.
“I know that. I just meant that I thought you had to work today?” He said defensively.
“I wasn't feeling well. So, I left early.” I said as I wrapped the towel around me and stepped around him and into the bedroom.
He followed behind me. “Oh, I'm sorry. Anything I can do to make you feel better?”
“Nah, not really. Thanks though. How was your day? How was class?” I sincerely asked him. I did truly want to know about his classes but I also wanted to see what he would say. I have to start paying more attention to what he says so I can see if he's really cheating.
Em told me about his classes and what they had been learning. He was, of course, using all these big mechanic words that sounded like a foreign language to me. I guess that's how he feels when I start with all the medical terminology. I was very proud of him for going back to school but I was also questioning if he was at school for the entire amount of time that he claimed. Maybe I was being fucking paranoid but hell I was lying to him all the time and he had no clue.
I had to learn to chill out or I was going to make myself crazy.
That night when Em went to sleep I did something I thought I would never do. I went through his cell phone. I didn't want to but it's like the old saying 'curiosity killed the cat' and the curiosity was damn sure killing me.
I went through his recent calls list and there weren't any odd names in there. If he was smart he would put it under a guys name to throw me off. I wasn't going to go completely crazy on him and actually call the people in his phone. That would definitely start a whole lot of shit. I went through his text messages and, again, nothing out of the ordinary. Em was either really smart and deleted everything or he really wasn't cheating.
Did Edward plant this idea in my head just to throw me off? Did he do this just to take the focus off of him? Why would he lie about his favorite cousin? Did he think I would just up and leave Em so easily? Maybe I would have before I found out about Edward's girlfriend. Definitely, not now.
I put Em's phone back in his pants pocket where I had taken it from. I felt like such a hypocrite and a bitch for going through his phone when the only evidence I had was an accusation from Edward. I would never have gone through his phone before. I felt like a totally different person than I was before Edward arrived.
I sat down on the couch and enjoyed the silence in my home. I had a lot of thinking to do. I knew I had major decisions that needed to be made.
I'm not ready to be alone. I love Em but I don't think I'm in love with him anymore. Is that something we can get back? Can I fall in love with him again after I've done him so wrong?
I hoped I could fall in love with Em again and I was definitely going to try. I owed it to both of us to at least try.
The thoughts of him cheating weren't completely out of my mind but he deserved my trust. As far as I knew, Edward had made the whole damn thing up. I decided then to push my thoughts and feelings for Edward aside and concentrate on Em.
Everything that happens in the dark will eventually come to light. I know if Em is cheating, it will eventually come out. I felt lucky that what I had done in the dark hadn't come to light yet. Maybe it never would.
***********
It has been a few months since I saw Edward. I hadn't spoken to him at all since the day in the coffee shop. I had no need to focus on someone that couldn't be honest with me. I honestly felt like he had blatantly lied to my face about more than a few things.
He hadn't told me about his girlfriend. I would have dealt with him having a girlfriend if he had just told me up front. In the situation he and I were in, we needed to be able to have complete trust in one another in order for it to work. When he quit being honest, I quit the relationship.
He had totally fabricated the lie about Em cheating. I have been analyzing everything Em has done for the last few months and I never once felt like he was lying to me about anything. I even left work early one day to go and spy on Em. I wanted to make sure that Edward wasn't right. I left work and drove over to his school. I saw his car and parked far enough away that he would not notice me. I waited until he came out of the building and he was walking to his car talking with a bunch of guys. He reached his car and waved goodbye to the other men. He entered his car and then drove straight home. He thought I was working late and it would've been a perfect opportunity for him to sneak away and meet someone. He didn't though. He went home and waited on me.
After that day, I never questioned him again. I had no need to.
I was back to focusing my attention on the man that had been there for me for so long. We were spending lots of time together and doing lots of things as a couple. We went out for dinner and drinks a few times with Alice and Jasper. Who were more in love with each other every time I saw them. It was really good to see them so happy. The complimented each other well and seemed to always be in their own bubble.
I hadn't heard much from Rose. That was partly my fault. She reminded me of Edward and I didn't want to be reminded of him at all. I was being a shitty friend to her and I felt really bad about it but I couldn't bring myself to be around her when I knew she would talk about him the whole time.
Edward hadn't been over to our house at all. I assumed he was either scared of how I would react with him in my home or he was too busy with his girlfriend. I was happy that he hadn't called or visited. It made my life so much easier. His absence was confirming that I had made the right decision.
Knowing I made the right decision didn't make it any easier not to think about him. There were times at night that I would lay there trying to fall asleep and I would find myself wondering what he was doing. If he was happy, if he was still with her. Or maybe I was fooling myself into thinking I had made the right decision.

Edward POV
“Tanya, we cannot keep having this same fight everyday!” I shouted. It was the truth. This was not what I had in mind when I agreed to let her move in. She's lived here for three months and it has progressively gotten worse. I should have known that she was putting on an act when she was trying to get back together with me. I suppose I was hoping my feelings for Bella could be transferred to Tanya but that was obviously not working.
“I know that, Edward.” She said sarcastically with her hands on her hips. She was giving me an 'eat shit' look and it didn't phase me at all. “I hate it here. It's fucking hot all the time. This humidity fucks up my hair everyday and I don't have any friends here.”
“You don't have any friends here because you don't give any one a chance. You don't want to like it here. You want me to come back to Chicago with you and I told you that wasn't going to happen. You are making up bullshit excuses for not liking it here. If you wanna leave, you can leave but you will be leaving alone and I swear there will be no going back this time. So, think long and hard.” I firmly stated to her as I walked up the stairs towards the bedroom.
“Edward, don't walk away from me!” She shouted. I just threw my hand up to her and kept walking.
I heard her footsteps behind me. I reached the door to our bedroom and walked in. I laid down on the bed and ran my fingers through my hair as I stared at the ceiling. I saw her walk in front of me holding a piece of paper in her right hand and shaking it at me.
“What do you want?” I asked her.
“I know there is someone else, Edward.” She said calmly.
I honestly didn't know what she was talking about. I hadn't been with Bella, or even talked to her, in months. I wasn't really worried about her finding out about Bella, anyways. I guess I was hoping that would make her leave if she found out.
“What the fuck are you talking about? My fucking head hurts from arguing, just get to the point.” I replied roughly.
She threw the paper at me. “That's your fucking bank statement. I saw all the charges for the hotels. Why else would you being going to the hotel that often? Don't treat me like I'm stupid.”
I took the paper in my hand. Sure enough, it was my bank statement from the last few times Bella and I had been together. The funny thing is I wasn't sad that Tanya found it. I was sad because it reminded me of Bella. I missed her more than I cared to admit. I hadn't contacted her because I felt she was better off without me. I felt that if she felt she could forgive me, then she would contact me. I had already complicated her life enough.
I was, however, mad that she had obviously been going through my things. These papers didn't have her name on them and she had no right to go through my stuff.
“Where the fuck did you get this from?” I said as my brows furrowed and I stood up from the bed. I was looking her directly in the eyes.
She had a smug expression on her face. “I was looking for some other documents and happened to stumble on them.”
“That's bullshit and you know it. You want to leave and you are looking for any reason to make it my fault this time. I can't deal with this shit. It's time we went our separate ways. For good. I think you should make arrangements to move out as soon as possible. I can't stand to look at you anymore.” I said calmly as I walked out of the bedroom. I was going to sleep in one of the spare rooms. I didn't want to be anywhere near her.
I was relieved that this was over. I would no longer have to endure Tanya's daily bitching about life in Georgia. She could go back to Chicago and live happily and bother someone else.
Over the next few weeks, Tanya had began to pack up her things and start moving them to Chicago. She would be moving back in with her family until she found a new place and a new job. I felt guilty for even letting her move down here to begin with but she was dead set on it and I knew she wouldn't have stopped until she got what she wanted. She had to see for herself that it was over between us.
Things in the house were tense to say the least. We only spoke to each other when absolutely necessary. She never questioned me about who I was with in the hotels. Maybe she didn't care. Maybe she just wanted out. I didn't care if she blamed it on me this time. She could tell those people in Chicago what ever she felt like. The only person I cared about in Chicago was dead. Everyone else there could kiss my ass.
My feelings for Bella were back in full force. Now that I wasn't focusing on Tanya anymore, the repressed feelings for Bella were making themselves known. I missed her, too much. I missed her smile, her laugh, her walk, he facial expressions, her hands, her mouth, her body. I just missed her.
I was an idiot to lie to her. I was stupid to think she wouldn't understand. I would stupid to think Tanya and I would work out. I had royally fucked up everything and it was time to fix it. Or, at least, attempt to fix things with Bella. She deserved to know the truth about everything. I had to find a way to get her to listen to me. I was tired of lying and I was tired of living without her. She was my drug and I had to find a way to get her back.
I no longer knew Bella's work schedule so I had no idea when she would be able to talk to me or if she would even want to.
On a Saturday when Tanya was in Chicago, I decided to text Bella. I didn't want to call her and her be around Em. Hell, I didn't even know if her and Em were together anymore. I had completely cut off that part of my life.
Bella, it's Edward. Can we please talk? E
I pressed send. I couldn't take it back now. What would I do if she said yes? Would she believe me when I tell her everything? My heart was racing in anticipation for her reply.
My phone alerted me to a new message. I opened it and my heart skipped a beat when I saw her name.
What do we have to talk about? B
It was short but it was something. At least she didn't ignore me.
A lot, actually. Will you please meet me somewhere so I can tell you in person? Please? E
Yes, I was begging and I didn't care. I had lied to her when she had been nothing but honest to me. I could do a little begging for her.
I guess I can meet you but you are meeting me where I choose. Meet me at Johnny Rocket's at Underground in a hour. B
I couldn't believe she actually agreed to meet me. Now I had a hour to try and get my thoughts together enough to try and make her believe me.
Ok. I'll be there. Thank you. E
I took a quick shower and dressed. I got into my car and drove to Underground Atlanta. I parked the car and walked into the restaurant. The anticipation was killing me.
I didn't see her so I got us a table. I looked at my watch and I was still a few minutes early. I wondered if she was testing me. Maybe she was playing a game with me. Maybe she was trying to pay me back by making me sit and wait when she never had any intention of coming.
I finally saw her enter the restaurant and my heart fluttered at the sight of her. She was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. I don't know how I ever let myself fuck things up with her. I stood up from the table as she walked over. Her face was very serious and straight. She didn't smile at me but, then again, why would she?
She sat down across the table from me without saying anything. Her expression never changed. I knew I had a goofy ass grin on my face but I couldn't help it. I was truly happy to see her and happy to get this all out in the open.
“Bella I.....” I began before the waitress came over and interrupted me.
“My name is Jessica, I'll be your server today. Can I get you something to drink?” She asked politely.
I looked to Bella for her to order first. She looked at the waitress and said “I'll just have a Cherry Coke, please.” It was like hearing angels sing to finally hear her voice again. Sappy, I fucking know but it was the truth.
“I'll have a Coke. Thanks.”
The waitress walked over to get our drinks and I started my sentence again. “Bella, I know lying to you was wrong and I am more sorry for it than you will ever know. I know it was stupid of me to assume that you wouldn't understand. I should have just told you. I am only human though and I make stupid decisions sometimes.” I said sincerely to her.
She sat there staring at me with a blank face for a few moments. I wasn't sure if she was actually going to speak to me today or if I was going to have to do all the talking. Was she seeing how far I would go with begging and apologizing? If so, I could go all day. She deserved it. She had said last time I saw her, that she didn't believe I loved her. She was wrong.
The waitress brought our drinks over and asked if we wanted to order any food. We politely declined. I didn't want to think about eating. My stomach was already doing flips. There was no way I could keep any solid food down.
The waitress left us to ourselves and I looked at Bella again. I was at least hoping her facial expression would change but it never did. She sipped her drink and kept her hands folded in her lap and blank eyes focused on me. I guess I am going to have to continue the speech.
“I wish I could take it all back. I would never have let her move in with me. I would have told her to stay in Chicago. I'm so sorry. I....”
She interrupted me. “What's her name?” She asked calmly, still maintaining her blank stare.
Did she really wanna know her name? What difference does it make? She's leaving.
“Tanya.” I simply stated.
“Why are you here, Edward? Why aren't you with Tanya?” She asked.
I was completely taken aback. I didn't expect her to just come out and ask me that.
“Well, uhhh....” I stuttered.
“Spit it out Edward. I don't have all day. You asked me to come here, I'm here. Tell me something worth my time.” I wasn't used to her being so expressionless. I didn't like it. I liked the animated Bella. This Bella is pretty fucking scary.
“Okay. She's leaving. She hates it here and wants to go back home. She found some old bank statements with the hotels on them. She knows there is someone else. Most importantly, I...... uhhhh.... I can't live without you.” I watched her face as I said the last part. Finally! Her facial expression changed. The blank stare was gone and her face finally lightened up. Her eyes looked slightly softer. I hoped she believed me. I wasn't just saying this to get her back.
“You what?” She said softly.
“I can't live without you.” I said confidently.
“I don't believe you.” The blank stare was back. Fuck!
“You don't believe what?” I asked her. I was confused. I thought I was making progress with her.
“I don't believe that she's leaving. I don't believe you can't live without me. I think this is all a sick game you are playing and I'm done with it. I thought you wanted to talk to me about something real but instead you are telling me more lies.” She said sternly.
She started to gather her things together. She couldn't leave already. Fuck! She can't leave like this.
Bella POV
Is he fucking serious? He interrupted my day for this bullshit? More fucking lies. I'm outta here.
“Bella wait!” He said as he reached for my arm as I stood up from the chair.
I looked at him with my death stare. “Take you hand off of me, now.” I said harshly. You're gonna fucking grab me like a caveman? I was really starting to get pissed at him. First, he continues to lie. Then, he wants to manhandle me. He was really not helping himself out at all.
He released my arm. “I'm sorry. I just don't want you to leave. I want to explain myself to you. Please stay.”
Explain what? You're fucking explanations aren't helping you. You're making me dislike you more.
I sat back down. “Edward. You have five minutes and I'm outta here. If I feel like you are lying, I'm leaving.” I said firmly.
“Okay. I'm not playing games. She's really leaving. I promise. Ninety percent of her stuff is gone already. I never really wanted her. I wanted you but I couldn't have you. I want you now. I miss you. I love you. Please come back in my life. I need you in my life in some way. I feel more for you than I've ever felt for anyone. I want to do things with you that I've never wanted to do. Please believe me.” I said quickly and sincerely.
Seriously? I can't believe your words. You also told me that you didn't have a girlfriend and that was a lie. I don't know what to believe. I want to believe him because I still have feelings for him but I just don't want to be hurt by him again.
I looked at him with soft, open eyes. I reached out and took his hand in mine. “Edward” I said softly. “I'm sorry. I can't do this with you. I don't know what to believe. Your words don't meet much to me anymore. You don't know what you want. I don't trust you.”
I released his hand and looked at his face. His face was completely stunned and hurt. I could see he didn't expect me to say what I had said. I needed him to understand that I was serious about this. He would have to do more than just talk to make me believe him.
I stood up from the chair. “Goodbye, Edward.” I said as I walked away from him.
He had done too much damage to my heart already. I needed concrete proof that Tanya was gone before I would even consider getting back into our relationship. I had no idea if I would ever be able to trust him again. I needed to be able to trust him and I couldn't. It would be a long road to bring us back.

Chapter 21 Teaser

2009-07-15T20:05:00.000-04:00
The flood of emotions surprised me as I drove home. One second, I was crying. The next, I was angry and cussing. The next, I was calm. It was completely crazy.

I got back home and laid in the bed. My head was still spinning and my emotions were over flowing and there was no way I was getting anymore sleep.

I cleaned every inch of the house that morning while I waited on Em to come home. He would eventually have to come home and I couldn't wait to hear his excuses.

It was ten in the morning when I finally heard the front door open. My heart began to race. My breathing increased. I knew there was about to be a big argument and I was ready for it. He walked into the living room and he looked totally shocked to find me sitting on the couch.

************************

Uh oh! There's a storm coming!!!!!

Chapter 21- Sweet Dreams

2009-07-10T17:45:00.001-04:00

Chapter 21- Sweet Dreams. (Bella POV)
“Bella. Please stay. I love you.” On his face was a look of complete love and adoration. I wanted to lightly stroke his strong jaw with the back of my hand. I wanted to feel his stubble against my fingers. I wanted to feel the warmth that was radiating from his skin. I wanted to feel him lean his face into my hand.
I lifted my hand and moved it towards his face. His face was so close that I could already feel the electricity.
BEEP BEEP BEEP!
What the fuck? Oh! Damnitt! It was just a fucking dream, again. I awoke completely pissed off. My subconscious has been betraying me ever since I said goodbye to Edward. Now, not only was the universe plotting against me, so was my mind. I have been having some variation of the same dream every night.
It was always Edward begging me to stay but the locations varied. Sometimes, we were in his house. Other times, we were in a park or restaurant. One time, it was like that movie Say Anything and Edward was standing outside of my house blaring some cheesy love song. Of course, the last one would never happen because of Em. That would be a dead give away.
These dreams were really starting to fuck with my head. When the dreams first started I would wake and feel like it had been a nightmare. I didn't want him to beg me to stay. I wanted to leave. After having the same dream every night, I started to look forward to them. I began to look forward to seeing his face. To see what he would have to say each night. Either way they were sweet dreams and beautiful nightmares. Depending on the way I felt when I woke up.
I hit the alarm clock to push it into snooze mode. I wasn't ready to get up. I wanted to go back to sleep and see Edward again, and I hated myself for it. These dreams were my guilty pleasure. It was my way of having him back without him or anyone else knowing it.
Days like this, I would wake up and feel a complete warmth encase my body. It felt like he was here with me. Fucking crazy, I know. This shit is out of control.
I rolled over in the bed attempting to bury my face from the rising sun. I could hear Em in the shower already. Now that he was going to school, there are days he has to wake earlier than me. I could hear him singing. Instead of finding it funny, like I used to, I now found it annoying and wanted him to shut up.
I've been trying to focus all of my attention on Em, ever since I ended it with Edward. I wanted to give our relationship the best possible chance to survive. However, it had not been going so well.
We were arguing a lot lately. We had basically quit doing anything as a couple. I was always working. He was either in school or studying. There was no 'us' time. We only saw each other in passing or when it was time to go to sleep. I missed him but it felt like I was missing my friend, not my partner and lover.
The thoughts of him cheating, still ventured in my head occasionally. Once that seed is planted, it's hard to forget. I still didn't have any proof or reason to think he was cheating, other than his favorite cousin saying it. I didn't do any crazy spying again or going through his phone. I wasn't going to resort to those tactics again.
Em came out of the bathroom and got dressed. I, of course, couldn't go back to sleep. I was wide awake lying in bed when he saw me.
“Good Morning, babe.” He said cheerfully.
“Good Morning. What has you so happy this morning?” I asked him.
He was brushing his hair and looking at himself in the mirror. “Nothing in particular. I just have a feeling today is going to be a good day.”
I started to rise from the bed. “Oh yeah? Why is that?” I asked inquisitively as I raised my eyebrows at him.
“We have a pretty easy day at school. Then I was going to meet Jacob and Laurant for a few beers after class. Do you have plans tonight? Wanna go to dinner with me?” He asked as he turned around and grabbed me by my waist.
“I get off at seven but I don't have any plans after work. Where do you wanna go?” I asked him.
“I'll text you at work and let you know. Okay?” He said as he lightly kissed my lips.
“Okay. Have a good day.” I said to him as he turned to leave.
I started my routine for getting ready to go to work. Nothing fancy. Shower, scrubs, hair in ponytail, little to no makeup, tennis shoes, brush teeth and out the door.
The rides to and from work especially made me miss Edward. I would think about all the days I would talk to him while I was driving. All the times we would make plans to see each other and I would look forward to it all day. The thoughts of seeing him at the end of the day would always put me in such a good mood. Now my mood, generally, sucked ass. I was short and snippy with my coworkers. I didn't do anything above and beyond for my patients. I wasn't nice to Em when I came home at night. I didn't really hang out with any of my girlfriends anymore. I was no longer fun loving Bella. I was sad Bella that just wanted to get the day over with as soon as I could.
I felt the worst for treating Em like I did. He didn't need to pay for Edward's mistakes. It wasn't fair to him. Maybe, I could start fixing that tonight.
I made it to work and I made it through the day. That was the major gist of the whole day. I would often think I was feeling my phone vibrate in my pocket and I would quickly pull it out only to see that I had imagined the whole thing. No messages or calls from anyone. I had alienated everyone in my life. No one wanted to talk to me now that I was in such a foul mood all the time. It made me sad to think of what I have become. I turned myself into a lifeless robot that simply was going through the daily motions.
I was on the way home when I realized Em never texted me to tell me where we were having dinner. That wasn't like him.
I hope you are alright. We still on for dinner? B
I didn't know if class had ran late or if he was still with the guys. I made it all the way home and still no word from Em.
I walked inside the house and looked for Em. I had thought maybe he came home and fell asleep but there was no sign of him at all. I was really getting worried about him. It wasn't like him to not call or show up, especially when we had plans.
I changed clothes and grabbed a drink from the kitchen before sitting on the couch and turning on the TV. I didn't want to blow up Em's phone with text messages but I just needed to know he was okay.
Em, I'm really worried. Please let me know you are ok. B
Sit back and wait some more. I continued to open my phone, just to make sure it was working. It was.
I eventually drifted off to sleep while I was waiting on Em to call. He never did. I woke up to find it was three in the morning. Still, no Em.
I got up and put my shoes on, grabbed my purse and phone and walked out to my car. I was going to start calling around to hospitals and jails and driving around the streets looking for him. I would never forgive myself if something bad had happened to him and I was just sleeping at home.
I knew I didn't love him like I should anymore but I was still his girlfriend and would be there if he needed me.
I called all the local hospitals as I was driving around like a mad woman. I called all of the jails. Emmett wasn't anywhere to be found. It hit me right at that moment, at three AM as I'm driving around in my pajamas looking for a man that was more of my friend than my lover, that he was cheating on me. He was with a woman somewhere and there was no use in me being out this late at night to look for someone that doesn't want to be found.
The flood of emotions surprised me as I drove home. One second, I was crying. The next, I was angry and cussing. The next, I was calm. It was completely crazy.
I got back home and laid in the bed. My head was still spinning and my emotions were over flowing and there was no way I was getting anymore sleep.
I cleaned every inch of the house that morning while I waited on Em to come home. He would eventually have to come home and I couldn't wait to hear his excuses.
It was ten in the morning when I finally heard the front door open. My heart began to race. My breathing increased. I knew there was about to be a big argument and I was ready for it. He walked into the living room and he looked totally shocked to find me sitting on the couch.
“Good Morning, Em.” I said in a sarcastic tone while I flipped through channels.
“Uhhh..... Morning, Bella. I.... uhhhh.....” He stammered trying to find a good excuse for why he had stood me up and not come home.
I looked at him with my brows raised and head cocked to the side. “You uhhhh......what, Em?” I was being a sarcastic bitch but he had done something last night that I had never done to him. I had never once stood him up. Nor had I ever stayed gone all night. In all honesty, I wasn't mad at him for cheating. After all, I had been cheating on him too. I was mad because he didn't even have the decency to call me. I had always made it a point to call him.
The look on his face was priceless. He was trying so hard to think of something to say but his brain wasn't working fast enough.
“I.... uhhhh.....” He tried again.
“Fucking hell, Em. Just spit it out already.” I said harshly to him as I got up from the couch and walked over to him. “You stood me up. You didn't answer your texts. You stayed out all night. You had me out in the middle of the night calling and looking everywhere for you. And all you can say is 'I ….. uhhhh..' come on, Em. You could've at least thought of a good lie while you were out all night.” I said as I walked past him to the kitchen.
He turned and followed behind me. “I drank too much with the guys and had to sleep at Jacobs house. I didn't wake up until about an hour ago.” He said quickly.
“You expect me to believe that Em? Come on. I know you better than that. You were too drunk at seven o'clock at night to text me back? I'm not stupid. I know you were with another woman.”
I wanted to tell him just to admit it. That he had been caught. But how can I say that to him when I had never admitted what I had done to him. I deserved what I was getting but that didn't mean it didn't hurt like hell. Yes, I was being a hypocrite but I couldn't help it.
He slammed his fists down on the kitchen counter. “Damnitt, Bella. Yes, I expect you to believe it because it's the truth. I'm sorry you were out looking for me and I'm sorry I didn't call back. I didn't mean to worry you.” He said as he ran his fingers through his hair.
I don't fucking believe you because I was doing the same thing for a long time. I know more about this cheating shit than you will ever know. That's why I don't believe you.
This fight continued on and on for almost an hour. We constantly went back and forth. He would never admit to being with another woman. I wouldn't believe him. He would stick to his story. I would tell him to give up the story already.
The fight eventually ended when he stormed out of the house again. Saying he couldn't stand to look at me anymore because I was accusing him of something he hadn't done. That all sounded well and good but there wasn't anything he could say to make me believe him.
I was hurt and sad, both at myself and at him.
I was mad at myself because I had let this turn into such a mess. We were all a big ass group of cheaters and none of us should be trusted. I was completely honest with Edward but kept a million lies from Em. Em was lying to me. Edward was lying to Em. It was a big, vicious fucked up cycle of lies.
I had no idea where Em had went to when he left. I didn't really care. This relationship was ending and I could feel it. This incident was the catalyst that finally blew it all up.
Em would always be special to me. He was my first love and my first real relationship. He was the first man I shared a home with. The problem was I wanted Em as my friend, not as my lover anymore. I just wasn't sure how to end it.
Part of me thought that he would eventually come home and one of us would decide that the other should move out. The other part of me thought that he would come home and we would act like today never happened.
I wanted him to end it but I didn't think he would. The more I thought about it, the more I felt that he liked having me at home and his little sex girl on the side. After all, I had enjoyed doing the same thing for quite some time.
My mind was all over the place and I needed to relax. I wasn't going to get anywhere by driving myself crazy. I grabbed the bottle of wine from the cabinet and a wine glass. I put on my swimsuit and went out to the pool. I grabbed my big comfy chair float and threw it in the pool.
I wasn't sure if I would be the one to have to move out but I was going to enjoy my pool as long as I could. Ridiculous and shallow, I know.
I sat there in the pool with my bottle of wine, just floating around, trying not to think too hard. It wasn't working so well, though.
I finished the whole bottle by myself and was pretty drunk when it was gone. I managed to get out of the pool without drowning. I laid down on my bed and began talking to God in my head.
What do I do Lord? You have to tell me. I've gotten myself into a bad situation that is going to hurt a lot of people and I need your help getting out. I love Em but I'm not in love with him. I love him like a brother. Edward on the other hand, I really think I'm in love with him. Why else would I be having these dreams about him every night? It's a sign, right God? Was Edward telling me the truth about only wanting me and that Tanya was leaving? Was I too stubborn to see he was being honest?
Then as I sat there in my drunken stupor, it came to me. I can't live without him. I have to fix this but how? I was hurt so badly. Can I believe him and trust him? I can't just go running back to him. He still needs to see that he was wrong.
I needed to talk to him.

Chapter 22 Teaser

2009-07-05T18:43:00.000-04:00
I needed to get my shit together and start working on a plan to get Bella back. I couldn't sit around on my ass anymore and feel sorry for myself. That wasn't going to prove my love for her. It was making me look and feel like a fucking chump. I am a man and men do ridiculous things to get women back.

But what the fuck do I do? Who the fuck could I ask about this? I don't know anyone that has been in the shitty of a situation. I am on my fucking own with this one. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for her. Hell, I would tell Emmett to his face what we had done if she wanted me to. I would put up a fucking billboard proclaiming my love for her if she asked. I was fucking shameless and I knew it. She had me whipped and she didn't even know it.

I needed to share something with Bella that I had never shared with anyone else. The only other person that knew the real reason I moved to Chicago was dead. I needed to tell her why I had moved there. I needed to tell her where my money came from. I knew she was curious about it. Who wouldn't be? I obviously don't have a job but I always have money and then I bought this big ass house. She was too nice to just come out and ask. I needed to tell her my family secrets. Things I wouldn't even tell the rest of my family.

But I couldn't just call her up and tell her. I had to make it special. I knew what I needed to do. I just hoped she would agree to meet me.

Chapter 22- Shameless

2009-07-01T19:04:00.001-04:00

Chapter 22- Shameless. (Edward POV)
“Goodbye Edward.”
Those were the last words she had spoken to me. Those two words broke my heart and shattered my world. I sat there and poured my heart out to her and she didn't believe me. She looked me in my eyes and walked away. I didn't understand how she couldn't see my sincerity and honesty. I've never been more honest and serious in my life.
I've never had to work to get a woman back. Hell, in all honesty, I've never wanted any of them back. This was all new to me. I wasn't sure how to do this. How to make her believe me. She had said that my words didn't have meaning to her anymore. I understood what she was saying. I had lied to her when she had been nothing but honest with me. I was going to have to do more than talk to get her back. I was going to have to prove it. I would have to show her that Tanya was gone and show her how much I love her and want... no, need her.
I've been miserable without her. I've been having nightmares again about my parents' accident. I wake up screaming in the middle of the night. Then, I started seeing Elizabeth in my dreams. She was always telling me to show Bella how much I love her and to prove my love. She would hold my hand and tell me to not give up; that true love always wins.
I had never dreamed of Elizabeth before now. I wondered if that was my mind's way of telling me to quit being a pussy and get my woman back already. She was with the wrong man and I didn't know how she hadn't figured that out already.
I couldn't even bring myself to really care when Tanya finally moved the last of her things. She came down here almost like she was expecting me to, miraculously, want to go back to Chicago with her. I just figured she would hire some more men to come in and grab her boxes and load them up, like she had the last few times. I was completely surprised when she showed up.
I was in the living room, laying on the couch. This had become my new resting spot since Bella had walked away from me. I couldn't sleep in my bedroom because it reminded me of Tanya. I didn't want to sleep in the guest room because it reminded me of Bella. I couldn't even bring myself to open the door to the guest room. I didn't want to see that bed and remember that day with Bella. The day when I had broken down and let her see inside of me. The day we had officially moved past sex. It was one of the best days I've ever spent with a woman and that's saying a lot considering there was no sex involved.
I was watching my usual, CSI, when I heard the door open. I had forgotten to get Tanya's key back from her. I was just so happy she was leaving and didn't even think about getting her key back. I didn't even bother to move or to greet her.
I looked like hell. I hadn't shaved in days. I couldn't tell you the last time I took a shower. I wasn't even bothering to eat.
I heard the clicking of her heels against the wooden floor as she walked closer to me.
“What the fuck has happened to you?” She scolded as she stood in front of me.
“Move Tanya. You are blocking the TV.” I said with no life or expression.
She stood there and looked at me for a few moments without moving and I was getting more and more pissed at her.
“Tanya! Fucking move!” I yelled.
“So, Edward, this is what your life has come to? Are you that upset that I left? You know you can come with me.” She said as she finally moved to the side.
“Not even close. I'm actually very happy that you left and I told you before that I am not going back to Chicago. Why are you here anyways?” I hadn't looked at her then entire time. I couldn't tell you what she was wearing or if she even looked decent. Although she was standing directly in front of me, I was looking through her and past her.
“If you are so happy, why do you like like shit?” She said sarcastically.
“None of your business. Again, what are you doing here?” My temper was getting shorter by the second. If she didn't hurry up and get the hell out of my house, I would probably hurt her.
“Damn, Edward. You are such an asshole. I'm here to get my last few boxes. I thought I would do it personally.” She said in a sultry voice as she tried to stroke my head.
I moved away from her and sat up on the couch. “Don't touch me Tanya. Your boxes are in the dining room. Leave your key on your way out.”
Was she really not getting the point that I wasn't interested in anything she had to say anymore? She really was more clueless than I had thought.
I heard the click of heels again but this time she was walking away from me, thankfully. I heard her mutter a 'asshole' under her breath as she walked toward the dining room. I felt a small twinge of happiness inside of me, knowing that I had succeeded in pissing her off.
I didn't offer to help her pick up the boxes or move them. I continued to sit on the couch and watch TV like she wasn't even there. After about and hour of hearing her go in and out of the my house, I heard her walk back over to me.
She sat her key on the coffee table and then leaned down and in towards my face. Was she going to fucking kiss me? She has to be joking.
I put my hand in her face and pushed her away without saying a word to her. I heard her huff and then I finally heard her walk towards the door and then heard it click close behind her. She was finally gone.
That one day was the only bit of happiness I've had lately. I needed to get my shit together and start working on a plan to get Bella back. I couldn't sit around on my ass anymore and feel sorry for myself. That wasn't going to prove my love for her. It was making me look and feel like a fucking chump. I am a man and men do ridiculous things to get women back.
But what the fuck do I do? Who the fuck could I ask about this? I don't know anyone that has been in the shitty of a situation. I am on my fucking own with this one. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for her. Hell, I would tell Emmett to his face what we had done if she wanted me to. I would put up a fucking billboard proclaiming my love for her if she asked. I was fucking shameless and I knew it. She had me whipped and she didn't even know it.
I needed to share something with Bella that I had never shared with anyone else. The only other person that knew the real reason I moved to Chicago was dead. I needed to tell her why I had moved there. I needed to tell her where my money came from. I knew she was curious about it. Who wouldn't be? I obviously don't have a job but I always have money and then I bought this big ass house. She was too nice to just come out and ask. I needed to tell her my family secrets. Things I wouldn't even tell the rest of my family.
But I couldn't just call her up and tell her. I had to make it special. I knew what I needed to do. I just hoped she would agree to meet me.
I didn't know if she would want to talk to me but I had to take that chance. So, I did what we do. I texted her.
Bella, If you don't want to talk I understand but I didn't do a very good job of explaining myself last time. Will you please give me another chance? I promise this time I will make it worth your time. Please? -E
Bella POV
I was sitting at the house, alone. Em hasn't been back since our fight yesterday. I didn't really expect him to but we needed to figure things out. I wasn't looking forward to that conversation but it needed to be had. We needed to decide what we were going to do about the house and our belongings. We had accumulated a lot of stuff in our years together. I was giving Em his space. Letting him figure things out for himself.
I was a little startled when I heard my phone alert go off. I wasn't sure who it was and if it was Em, I wasn't sure if I was ready to hear what he had to say.
I opened my phone and saw that the message was from Edward. What does he want? Did he not remember how our last conversation ended?
I read the text and I was completely stunned. I was experiencing a mixture of emotions. I was happy to hear from him and I was pissed that he clearly didn't take seriously what I had said last time.
I re-read the message a few times before responding. I wanted to make sure that I read it right.
Edward, I agree. You didn't do a good job at all. It wasn't worth my time last time. Why should I believe this time will be different? -B
I felt bad for being so harsh but he needed to get in through his thick skull that I was tired of hearing him talk and lie. I needed to physical proof.
Because I understand what you said last time and I'm going to prove it to you if you will just give me the chance. -E
My heart skipped a beat at the fact that he had actually listened to what I had said and was taking it seriously. I wanted to run back to him but I knew that if I didn't stand strong this time, that he would walk over me in the future. It was now or never.
That all sounds good but I've had a shitty past 24 hours. Whatever you have planned is going to have to be spectacular, if I come. -B
That sounded really bitchy but it was the truth. Hell, I just found out that Edward was right about Em. He was cheating on me. I had been out in the middle of the night searching for him. He came home and lied to me about it and then hasn't been home since.
I wanted to be alone and do this on my own but I wasn't sure how many times Edward would ask me back if I kept turning him down.
It is spectacular. I promise. Will you meet me at my house at 7 tonight? -E
Part of me wanted to say no but the part that missed him and wanted him back was much larger.
I guess so. I'll be there. -B
I couldn't sound too excited. I couldn't let him know that inside my heart was jumping for joy that he hadn't given up.
Thank you! I can't wait to see you. -E
I had two hours to get ready and to get there. I jumped in the shower and then got dressed. I fixed my hair and put on a little make up. I threw on my favorite jeans, tank top and sneakers. I didn't want to dress up. Then he would know how excited I was and think he didn't have to work to get me back. I had to play hard ball.
I made my way to the car and started the drive to his house. I took my time getting there. Maybe I would intentionally be a few minutes late. Let him sit and think for a while. Let him wonder if I was really coming.
My mind was racing the whole ride. What am I going to say? I wasn't this excited to see him last time. Am I gonna be able to stay strong and not give in? What did he have planned? What is he planning that is going to be worth my time?
He didn't know that I would've probably come anyways but the t that he was basically begging me helped.
It was a quarter past seven when I pulled into his driveway. I was all of a sudden very nervous. I felt like it was my first time meeting him. My stomach was doing flips. My breathing was erratic.
The garage door was open, again. I pulled in and turned off the engine. I sat there for a few moments before getting out. I needed to get my head together and calm down. I needed to stay strong and show him that I was in control. I took a few deep breaths and closed my eyes. You are in control. You are strong. Don't give in. Make him prove it.
I opened the door and exited my car. As I stood up I felt my legs give out a little. I was very thankful that I didn't wear heels. I would've definitely fell down.
I put my keys in my purse and put my purse on my shoulder. I took another deep breath and rolled my shoulders back. Strong. Stay strong.
I looked around the garage and didn't see Edward anywhere. Am I supposed to just walk in the house? Where is he?
I noticed a red envelope attached to the door that lead into the house. Oh my God. What is that? What is he doing?
I walked over to the door and saw that the envelope had something written on it. It said “Bella, Open me.”
I removed the envelope from the door and opened it. I found a handwritten note inside of it. I pulled it out and read it.
Bella,
Thank you for coming. I promised tonight would be worth your time. I am going to prove to you just how much I love you because I do love you. More than I've ever loved anyone. Open the door and follow the instructions.
All of my love,
Edward
My heart practically burst as I read his words. I never would have thought he would be so romantic. I couldn't wait to see what was inside. I wasn't sure how much longer I could remain strong. I was already weak when it comes to him and now that he's doing this type of thing, I was sure I would just melt when I saw him.
I took one last deep breath and turned the knob.

Chapter 23 Teaser

2009-06-29T19:56:00.000-04:00
My mind was racing as I sat on the edge of my bed. It felt like I had been up here waiting on her for days. I had only came upstairs when I saw that she was pulling in the driveway. In all actuality, it had only been about thirty minutes. I couldn't control my thoughts. Did I go too far with all of this? Was is too much too soon? Would she think I was trying to buy her love? Would she think that all I have is money to throw around? Would she think I was that shallow? Would she believe me when I told her all of these things tonight? Would she walk out on me again?

Until this night, I've never been insecure about anything in my life. I've never been so afraid of being rejected but the fact that she has rejected me twice before was killing my self esteem.

I need her to know how much she means to me. I need her to understand that I will do anything for her.

I need to her to know that I realize I was wrong and that I want to make it right. I want her. I want her all to myself. I want her without Emmett. I want to wake up with her everyday. I want to spend everyday showing her how much I love her.

I had to calm myself down. I knew she was here. I had heard the doors opening and closing and I knew she was following the notes. She hadn't given up on me yet. I finally heard her footsteps getting closer to the door. My heart beat instantly raced when I heard her pull down the last note on the front of my bedroom door.

I stood up and closed my eyes. I inhaled a few deep breaths and attempted to relax. I needed to be calm when she opened the door. I needed to be able to say everything I wanted to say calmly.

I heard the knob begin to turn and I turned to face the door. My pulse was racing as I waited to see her face. Once the door was fully open I could see what I've been missing for so long. The soft light from the candles in the room was just enough for me to see her striking features. She hadn't seen me yet. She was looking around the room. She was looking at the dozens of red and pink roses that lined the room. She was seeing the huge candles that I had strategically placed in the room. She finally noticed the small table and two chairs I had set up towards the back corner of the room. There were two plates filled with honey glazed salmon on a bed of rice. There were two champagne glasses and a bottle of champagne in the center.

I stood behind the table with my hands clasped behind my back. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. It was like seeing her for the first time. She was so beautiful without even trying. She didn't need the fancy clothes or even make up. She was naturally stunning in a pair of jeans and a shirt.

She finally noticed me standing behind the table and I heard her gasp. I automatically wondered if it was a good gasp or a bad gasp. Her hand went to cover her mouth and the other hand went to her stomach. My eyes met hers and her eyes looked glassy. Like she had been crying. I didn't want her to cry. I was trying to make her happy.

I walked over to her without breaking my eye contact with her. I reached out my hands to her, hoping she would allow me to embrace her. At least, hoping she would hold my hands. After a few seconds, she removed her hands from her mouth and stomach and put her hands inside of mine. I immediately felt the electricity that I had been missing. It was amazing that something as simple as hand to hand contact could bring so much electricity.

We continued to look into each others' eyes for a few moments. I didn't want to turn away from her. I didn't want to look at anything else. Nothing else compares to her. She is all I would ever need. I gently rubbed small circles on the tops of her hands with my thumbs. I wasn't sure if I was trying to comfort her or myself.

Chapter 23- Open Arms/ Realize/ On Bended Knee

2009-06-25T17:53:00.001-04:00

Chapter 23- Realize/ Open Arms/ On Bended Knee
Bella POV
I pushed open the door and stepped into the kitchen. My heart immediately fluttered and my breath was taken away from the sight before me. The room was entirely dark and it looked as if the whole bottom floor was dark as well. I gazed around the room and noticed all of the work that Edward had put into this night.
On the island there were red candles in the shape of a heart that were illuminating the room. The invigorating scent from the candles filled the room and surrounded me. The scent was heavenly. It wasn't over powering but it was the sweet smell of strawberries and cream. The counter tops were lined with more small candles. On the floor was a line made of pink rose petals. In the center of the heart was a small red envelope with a small blue box on top.
I let out the breath that I hadn't realized I was holding. My hand was covering my open mouth. I was in complete shock. I couldn't believe he had honestly done all of this. I had no idea that he could be this romantic. I knew that money was no object to him but if the rest of the house looked anything like this, I could only imagine how much money he had spent. I continued to look around the room. I was searching for him, for his face but I never saw him. Then I glanced back at the letter in my hand and remembered that he had asked me to follow the instructions. I had been so caught up in taking everything in that I hadn't even looked for instructions.
I shut the door behind me and slowly walked over to the island. I grabbed the blue box and envelope. Tiffany's. Nice. I opened the envelope first. Another hand written note.
Bella,
Everything I've done in this room is because of you. Every piece reminds me of you in some way. The strawberries and cream candles remind me of the smell of your hair. The heart formation is because you have my heart. You've always had it. The pink rose petals remind me of your beautiful cheeks when you blush. Open the box.
Love you,
Edward
My eyes started to tear up but I couldn't start crying already. It was too early to start that. I opened the blue box and saw a folded up note. I lifted the note to open it and saw a small silver heart shaped lock that said “I Love You.” I gasped at the sight of it. It was beautiful and I couldn't believe he had bought it. I didn't know when he had bought it. How long has he been planning this? He hasn't had time to buy it since he asked me to come over. He must have been planning this for some time.
I held the box in my hand and unfolded the note.
Bella,
I told you that you have my heart. Here it is. It's locked because only you have the key. No one else has been able to open it the same that you have. Please, follow the line of rose petals.
Loving you always,
Edward
I began to follow the line. I was breathing in the scents and taking in the room as I walked. I had never had anything like this done for me before and I didn't want to miss anything. I wanted to savor every moment.
I had a feeling that after tonight nothing between us would be the same.
The line led past the end of the island, through the hallway and into the living room. It stopped at the coffee table in the center of the room. There were more candles on the coffee table but these were white and smelled of vanilla. The candles formed a circle around another red envelope with another blue box on top.
I leaned down to grab the box and envelope. I opened the envelope first.
Bella,
I hope you like what you've seen so far. The vanilla candles are for the way your breath smells when your mouth is so close to mine. The circle is never ending and that is a symbol of my love for you. It will never end.
Love,
Edward
My eyes were seriously tearing up and it was hard to control my emotions. All of this was so thoughtful and loving. I took a few deep breaths to get my emotions in check. I opened the box. Inside was a note and small silver charm in the shape of a crown. I unfolded the note.
You are my queen. There's a ribbon on the other side of the table. Follow it please.
Loving you more,
Edward
I set down the boxes and envelopes. I didn't know where the ribbon was leading or what it was leading to and I didn't want to drop anything. I finally set down my purse on the couch as I walked over to the beginning of the ribbon. I followed it with my eyes first. I led up the stairs to the second floor. I walked up the stairs and curiously looked around for Edward. Where is he? How much more can there be?
Still, no Edward. I reached the top of the stairs and looked around. There was a line of the strawberry candles on the small table against the wall. Behind the line of candles was another blue box and red envelope. I reached for the envelope.
Bella,
The candles are standing in a line to represent the way that I will always stand here and wait for you.
So in love with you,
Edward
A single tear managed to escape after that note. I was just so surprised and never realized how much he really felt for me. Maybe, I never allowed myself to see it but I was definitely seeing it now.
I opened the box. Another note and this time it was a bracelet with a small silver heart with diamonds in it.
This bracelet reminded me of you. It's strong, delicate, classy, beautiful and the diamonds sparkle like your beautiful eyes.
Yours always,
Edward
He has put so much thought into every one of these gifts and I had no idea he even thought about things like this.
There were no instructions in the note. I looked around the floor. To my left I saw another line of pink rose petals. I followed the petals to the door of Edward's bedroom. I opened the door and stepped inside. There were more of the vanilla candles on the dresser. They were in the shape of a star. In the center was the infamous red envelope and blue box I had come to love.
Bella,
This was the room where our relationship had advanced to the next level. This room will always be special to me because of that but I have a confession. This isn't my bedroom. I'm sorry I lied to you but I am promising to tell you the truth about everything tonight. You are my star.
Always my love,
Edward
I was a little upset that he had lied about something as trivial as his bedroom but we were starting on a new page tonight and as long as he told me the truth I wouldn't get mad him.
I opened the box. There was no note but a set of diamond earrings in the shape of a star.
I was getting so anxious to see Edward. I wanted to jump him and kiss him and hug him. Tell him that I love him too and thank you and I'm sorry.
I looked around the room for the instructions. I saw a note taped to the back of the door. I walked over and pulled it off the door.
Bella,
You are almost done. I promise. I wish I could see your face right now. I bet you look so beautiful.
Exit this room and go to the stairs leading to the the third floor. There will be a ribbon waiting for you.
Te Amo,
Edward
I did as he instructed. When I reached the stairs, I saw the red ribbon along them. I followed the ribbon to the top of the stairs. The area was dark just like the rest of the house but this time there were big three wick candles leading to a door on the left side of the hallway. I followed the candles to the closed door. There was another red envelope taped to the door. I pulled the envelope down and opened it to find another hand written note.
Bella,
Thank you for trusting me to guide you tonight. I'm happy that you still have a little faith left in me. This is the last note. I hope that you have seen a small glimmer of my love for you tonight. I don't know that I can ever fully express the depth of it but I promise to never quit trying. There's one last gift in this envelope. There is a silver key. It represents the key to my heart. I'm giving it to you. You've had it ever since I met you, you just never knew. I hope that you will take it and care for it. I'm just behind this door. I can't wait to see you.
Forever yours,
Edward
I looked in the envelope and pulled out the silver key with a heart at the top. It was beautiful. It was the key to his heart and he just handed it over to me. It meant more than he could imagine.
My heart began to race and my breathing was erratic, once again, with the thought of Edward standing on the other side of the door waiting on me. I had been looking for him in every room but knowing he was just that close to me, made me a little nervous. Seeing him after all of this, was going to be like seeing him for the first time. I was seeing him in a new light. I was seeing the Edward that wasn't afraid to show his love. The Edward that wasn't afraid to be vulnerable. He was putting himself out there tonight and was trusting me not to shut him down again. There was no way I could shut him down after all of this. I wanted to be here with him just as much as he wanted me. He just didn't know that yet.
I took a couple deep breaths and rolled my shoulders back. I grasped the door knob and turned it. I was going into this room to get my man. This was a new start for us and I wasn't going to let either one of us mess this up, again. I had pretty much already made my decision. I wasn't sure how I would do it but the fact that Em was cheating on me, only aided me in making the decision. I would end it with Em, as soon as possible.
I pushed the door open to the room. I stood still for a second taking in everything in the room. It was stunning and more than I could ever ask for.
Edward POV
My mind was racing as I sat on the edge of my bed. It felt like I had been up here waiting on her for days. I had only came upstairs when I saw that she was pulling in the driveway. In all actuality, it had only been about thirty minutes. I couldn't control my thoughts. Did I go too far with all of this? Was is too much too soon? Would she think I was trying to buy her love? Would she think that all I have is money to throw around? Would she think I was that shallow? Would she believe me when I told her all of these things tonight? Would she walk out on me again?
Until this night, I've never been insecure about anything in my life. I've never been so afraid of being rejected but the fact that she has rejected me twice before was killing my self esteem.
I need her to know how much she means to me. I need her to understand that I will do anything for her.
I need to her to know that I realize I was wrong and that I want to make it right. I want her. I want her all to myself. I want her without Emmett. I want to wake up with her everyday. I want to spend everyday showing her how much I love her.
I had to calm myself down. I knew she was here. I had heard the doors opening and closing and I knew she was following the notes. She hadn't given up on me yet.
I finally heard her footsteps getting closer to the door. My heart beat instantly raced when I heard her pull down the last note on the front of my bedroom door.
I stood up and closed my eyes. I inhaled a few deep breaths and attempted to relax. I needed to be calm when she opened the door. I needed to be able to say everything I wanted to say calmly.
I heard the knob begin to turn and I turned to face the door. My pulse was racing as I waited to see her face. Once the door was fully open I could see what I've been missing for so long. The soft light from the candles in the room was just enough for me to see her striking features.
She hadn't seen me yet. She was looking around the room. She was looking at the dozens of red and pink roses that lined the room. She was seeing the huge candles that I had strategically placed in the room. She finally noticed the small table and two chairs I had set up towards the back corner of the room. There were two plates filled with honey glazed salmon on a bed of rice. There were two champagne glasses and a bottle of champagne in the center.
I stood behind the table with my hands clasped behind my back. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. It was like seeing her for the first time. She was so beautiful without even trying. She didn't need the fancy clothes or even make up. She was naturally stunning in a pair of jeans and a shirt.
She finally noticed me standing behind the table and I heard her gasp. I automatically wondered if it was a good gasp or a bad gasp. Her hand went to cover her mouth and the other hand went to her stomach. My eyes met hers and her eyes looked glassy. Like she had been crying. I didn't want her to cry. I was trying to make her happy.
I walked over to her without breaking our eye contact. I reached out my hands to her, hoping she would allow me to embrace her. At least, hoping she would hold my hands. After a few seconds, she removed her hands from her mouth and stomach and put her hands inside of mine. I immediately felt the electricity that I had been missing. It was amazing that something as simple as hand to hand contact could bring me so much comfort.
We continued to look into each others' eyes for a few moments. I didn't want to turn away from her. I didn't want to look at anything else. Nothing else compares to her. She is all I would ever need.
I gently rubbed small circles on the tops of her hands with my thumbs. I wasn't sure if I was trying to comfort her or myself.
I managed to finally start the speech I had been rehearsing in my head. “Bella, I can't thank you enough for coming tonight. You didn't have to give me another chance and I'm so grateful that you have.” I paused for a second. Continuing to gaze into her eyes. She was biting her bottom lip as if she was trying to restrain herself. I licked my lips and continued. “The gifts tonight were small tokens of my love. They all represent the beautiful and amazing woman that you are and all of your wonderful qualities. They say that you don't realize what you have until you've lost it and they were right. I took advantage of you. You were always honest with me and I lied to you out of fear of losing you. I'm sorry for that. I would take it back if I could. I would never have let her even into my house if I had known that I would lose you for one second. I was so in love with you that I thought I could make myself fall in love with her and be happy with her since I couldn't have you.” She closed her eyes and began to shake her head. I couldn't understand why. I wasn't done yet. There was still so much I wanted to tell her and she was shaking her head 'no' at me. “I.... am....” She interrupted me.
“Stop, Edward.” She said as she was still shaking her head at me. “Edward....” She started as she finally opened her eyes and looked at me. I saw a few tears escape from her eyes. “I know why you lied. I understand it. It doesn't make it right but I understand. This whole situation has been tough and we've both made mistakes. I'm sorry I didn't believe me when you told me you loved me. I realize now that you do love me. You don't have to explain it all to me.”
I released her hands from mine and brought them to the sides of her face. I held them there for a moment before I started to talk again.
“Thank you Bella. Thank you for understanding but I do need to explain a few more things. Will you sit down with me and allow me to finish?”
She brought her hands up to mine and nodded her head. I took her hand and led her to her seat at the table. She sat down and I went to my seat across the table but it seemed so far away now. I didn't want to be that far away from her. I picked up my chair and moved it to sit directly next to her. I turned towards her and took her hands in mine again.
“The first thing is that I lied to you about my bedroom. It was something so stupid to lie about but I didn't want you to see any of her things and they were in this room. That is why I wanted tonight to be in this room. I wanted to open it to you and show you everything. This is my bedroom. I've pretty much replaced everything so that there are no more reminders of her in here. I want to make new memories in here with you. I don't want anything to be off limits to you.” I swallowed hard. Her face seemed so understanding and loving. She didn't look angry at all.
“The second thing is something I want to share with you. It's something that no one else on this Earth knows. I don't want any secrets between us and if we are going to start fresh, then you should know all of this.” I stopped for a second and realized that she was now the one rubbing soothing circles on my hands. How could she know how hard this was going to be for me to tell her?
I licked my lips and started again. “I didn't know until after my parents' died that Esme wasn't my real mother. Carlisle had lived in Chicago to do his residency after he graduated from medical school. He was working at the University of Chicago hospital before he met Esme. He met a young nursing intern during his third year of residency. Her name was Elizabeth. They were very taken with each other and began to see each other romantically. The residents and interns were not supposed to date so they had to keep it a secret. They continued to see each other for quite some time. One day while they were still involved, Carlisle met Esme and immediately fell in love with her. He broke things off with Elizabeth at that point. He and Esme were married only a couple months after they met. Soon after the wedding Elizabeth told my dad that she was pregnant with me.” I stopped and tried to regain my composure. This was harder than I thought.
“Esme hadn't known anything about his relationship with Elizabeth. Elizabeth was young and had little to no money. She had used all she had on school. Carlisle told Esme about Elizabeth and the pregnancy and Esme took it surprisingly well. My mom and dad knew that dad was destined for greatness. He had been offered a great job in Atlanta when his residency was completed and knew that he would advance quickly. He didn't want to leave me behind. He wanted to raise me. Elizabeth knew she couldn't support me on her own. So, they made a deal. If Elizabeth agreed to keep quiet about their affair and to let Esme and Carlisle raise me as their child, they would send her a substantial amount of money each month.” I looked down at my hands as my eyes began to tear up at the thought of my mother basically selling me to my father. I knew she thought it was best for me but it still fucks with my head sometimes.
“Edward, it's okay. You don't have to tell me the rest.” She said lightly.
“No, I want to finish. I want you to know.” I looked back into her beautiful eyes. “When I was a few months old my mom and dad moved back to Georgia and away from Elizabeth. Elizabeth told the few people she knew that she had decided to give me up for adoption since she couldn't support me on her own. None of my family down here ever knew that Esme wasn't my mother. They continued to send Elizabeth a monthly check and pictures of me up until their death. When they died, I had to sort through all of their financial documents and wills. That's when I saw the bank statements and cleared checks with her name on them. I couldn't believe it when I first saw it. I had no idea who Elizabeth Masen was and why they would be sending her all that money. I did some research and found out where she lived. I called her and asked her about the money and my family. She told me about everything and I was completely stunned. I had a birth mother that I knew absolutely nothing about. She invited me to come see her and get to know her. When I got there she told me that she had saved fourteen years of the money for me. She hoped that I would find her one day and if not she had planned to leave it to me in her will. When I met her she had just been diagnosed with cervical cancer. I couldn't believe that I had just met her and was about to lose her also. I decided to stay with her and get to know all of her that I could.” I stopped again. Bella never faltered. She never interrupted me and let me tell this story at my own pace.
I took a deep breath and started again. “She told me all about her and how after she had finally gotten on her feet she didn't feel right using the money from my father and that's why she saved it for me. She never married or had any kids. She never felt like she deserved any more kids after she had let me go. She died a few months before I moved here. I didn't feel the need to stay there after she was gone. It was time to come back home. So that is where I've gotten my money from. Part of it was left from my parent's life insurance policies and the rest of it was what my mother had saved for me. It all added up to be about three million dollars. I took some of it to live off of and put the rest in to investments. Now, you know everything. No secrets.”
“Edward, thank you for telling me. I can't explain how much it means to me that you would trust me with this.”
“Bella, I just wanted you to know everything about me and how much you mean to me.” I said as I continued to gaze into her eyes. She took my face in her hands and pulled herself closer to my face. She licked her lips and closed her eyes and I closed the distance between our lips. I finally felt the warm gentle caress of her lips against mine. It felt so perfect. Our lips moved together and I felt her tongue slide against my lips.
I couldn't believe she was the one advancing our kiss. I was amazed in a good way. My heart swelled at the thought of her wanting me like I want her. I opened my mouth and allowed our tongues to dance together. The taste of her was so sweet and it was something I wanted to taste all day everyday.
We continued our kiss until we could no longer breath. She released my mouth and I pressed my forehead against hers as I panted. “Bella..... thank you.” I whispered.
“You don't have to thank me for doing what I wanted to do.” She replied.
My heart continued to grow with everything she said. I didn't think it was possible to love her anymore than I already did but she was proving me wrong.
I lifted my head from hers and looked into her eyes. “Bella. We should eat before it gets too cold.”
She chuckled a little. “I forgot all about the food. I guess we should eat. It looks so good.”
I moved my plate over to where I was now sitting. I opened the champagne and poured us both a glass. I held up my glass to her and started to talk. “To second chances and new beginnings.” She smiled as she clinked her glass against mine.
We took a sip of the champagne and began to cut into the salmon. I didn't even want to take my eyes off of her to cut my food. I felt like I hadn't seen her in years and I didn't want to look at fish. I wanted to look at the beautiful, forgiving woman in front of me. I managed to eat a few bites of the food but finally gave up. I sat my fork down next to my plate. I sat back in my chair and watched her take a bite of her food.
She smiled shyly and said “What are you doing, Edward? Why are you looking at me like that?”
“I took looking at you for granted and I promise not to ever again. Finish eating. I just want to look at you.” I said as I grasped my glass and took a sip of the champagne.
She swallowed her food and licked her lips. She turned in her seat to face me. “Edward, tonight has been so amazing. I had no idea that you had it in you to do all of this. Thank you.”
I sat my glass down and reached for her hands. She placed her hands inside of mine and I looked into her eyes. “Bella, you are more than welcome. The night isn't over yet, though. This is just the half time show.” I leaned in to her to kiss her lips again. I couldn't get enough of her.
“Edward” she started. “Can I ask you something?”
“You can ask me anything.”
“When did you get all of the gifts? You didn't have time after you texted me to set everything up and buy all the gifts.”
I looked at her for a second. It was a good question. It was true, I hadn't had time to do all of it.
“Bella, I've been collecting these things ever since I met you. I was just waiting on the right time to give them all to you. There was never an appropriate time until now. The last one I bought just a few days ago, the key. I saw it and knew that if you ever gave me a second chance, that I would give it to you.”
Her eyes started to become glassy again. “Edward, they are all so special. I can't believe you never gave up.”
Could she really think that I would just give up on her?
“I would never give up on you or us. I told you before, I've never felt this way about anyone and I wasn't going to let you go so easily. I love you, Bella.” I said sincerely as I took her face in my hands.
A few tears escaped her eyes and she sighed. “Edward I'm so sorry. I've not been the same since we've been apart. I didn't realize how much I loved you until you weren't there.”
“Bella, don't apologize to me. I was the one that lied to you. I'm the one that's sorry.”
“You don't have to apologize anymore. I know that you are sorry and I know that you love me. It's time to move forward. We can't dwell on the past.”
She was completely right and I was happy that she understood me. I leaned into her for another kiss. I pressed my lips against her and her hands went to my neck. I could feel the urgency between our lips. I slid my tongue against her lips and deepened our kiss. Our tongues danced and swirled around each other in perfect harmony. This woman was everything I could ever dream of having.
We finally broke our kiss after what seemed like hours. I pulled back and looked in to her eyes.
“Fuck the food.” She said simply.
I chuckled a little. “I couldn't agree more.”
We stood up together and I took her hand again. I led her over to the bed and turned around to face her. She looked up at me with those beautiful brown eyes and lifted up on her toes to kiss me. I met her halfway and pressed my lips to hers. I grabbed her waist as she weaved her fingers into the hair at the nape of my neck. I picked her up and she wrapped her legs around my waist, never breaking our kiss.
I sat down on the bed, still holding her against my waist. We continued to kiss as I felt her hands grasp the hem of my shirt and begin to pull. I hadn't imagined having sex with her tonight. I definitely wasn't going to argue with her about it though. I released her waist and lips long enough to allow her to lift my shirt. I didn't want to break our kiss again so, I went ahead and removed her shirt.
Our lips immediately found each other again. It was like they were magnets drawn to each other. I reached behind her back and unclasped her bra. It fell from her arms and I could feel her breasts pressed against my chest. The skin to skin contact was almost too much to bear. My erection felt like it would explode at any second. I had been without her for so long.
I lifted us from the bed and turned around. I laid her on the bed and continued to assault her mouth with mine. My hands grasped the button on her jeans and quickly unbuttoned them and the zipper. I grabbed the sides of her jeans and gently pulled them down and off of her. She opened her legs again to allow me to rest in between them. As I lowered myself back on top of her I felt her hands go to the button on my jeans. She removed them as quickly as I had removed hers.
Once they were gone, I finally situated myself on top of her. It felt so right to have her legs wrapped around my waist. The only thing separating us now was our underwear. I couldn't control myself with her as I began to grind my hips against her center. I wanted her so badly.
I felt her hands on the waistband of my boxers as she began to slide them off. I allowed her to slide them off of me and I quickly went to remove her panties. There were no barriers now.
I pulled back from our kiss and looked into her eyes as I stroked her cheek. Her eyes looked so warm and open. I could feel her warm, sweet breath against my face. I could feel the rhythm of her heartbeat against my chest. This was where I belonged. We were made for each other.
“You know we don't have to do this tonight. I love you and I will wait.”
She shook her head at me. “No. I don't want to wait anymore. Being with you is what I want. Don't make me wait. Please.” It almost sounded like she was pleading with me. She didn't have to plead. I just didn't want her to feel pressured.
“Your wish is my command.” I replied simply before pressing my lips to hers.
Bella POV
I could feel his erection pressed against my entrance and I just wanted him inside of me. I wanted to feel all of him. Our kiss continued and I grabbed his butt with my hands and pulled him into me. His cock slid inside of me with ease.
This was where I belonged. How did I not see it before? How did I not see that I was with the wrong person? How did I think I could deny myself this amazing man?
Being with him was so right and made me feel so complete. My body had been aching for him and I knew that it wouldn't take me long to reach my orgasm. He slid in and out of me in a wonderful rhythm. I was so close.
He wouldn't release my lips from his assault long enough for me to tell him I was about to come. All I could do was murmur it into his mouth. He pulled back from my mouth just as my orgasm began to over take my body.
My whole body began to writhe and shake underneath him. “Edward...... oh......God......Edward!” I shouted. I opened my eyes to see him gazing at me like he usually did.
“You are more beautiful every time you come.” He said before he began to kiss my lips again. He continued his rhythm for a little longer until I could feel his body begin to tense up.
A few more strokes and I felt his body go rigid.
He finally rested on top of me as he panted. I stroked his hair and looked into his eyes.
“That gets more amazing every time.” He whispered into my ear.
“I know.” I said before I lightly kissed his lips.
He rolled over on to the bed and continued to gaze into my eyes. I didn't want to get up. I didn't want to leave the bubble we had created. Everything was so perfect. We laid still for a few moments. I was relishing in every moment.
He finally got up and went into the bathroom. I followed behind him and found him standing at the sink. I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist. I didn't want to ever let him go.
“What are you doing in here?” He asked. I was confused. I had to clean up. “You know you are supposed to let me come and clean you up.”
I smiled and shrugged my shoulders. “I forgot. I missed you.”
He turned around to face me and lifted me up. He swung me around and sat me on the vanity. He pressed his lips against mine once more. I could never tire of tasting this man.
He wet the rag with warm water and proceeded to wash me off before he washed himself off. I watched him clean himself off like a little girl watches her father shave. Nothing but love and adoration in my eyes.
Once he was completely clean, he situated himself in between my legs as he rubbed my thighs.
“Bella, I have a request.” He asked timidly.
I would give him anything. He didn't need to be apprehensive about asking me.
“Anything.” I replied.
“I don't want to live without you anymore. I want to be with you every day. I don't want to share you. I love you too much to share. Will you leave Emmett? Will you stay with me?” He asked as his eyes dropped to his hands.
I placed my hands on the sides of his face and lifted it to look at me. “You don't even have to ask. I was already going to leave him. I am all yours. You don't have to share any longer.”
His face lit up as he smiled. It was the biggest smile I've ever seen on his face. He pulled me into him and kissed my lips.
“That's the best news I've ever heard. Thank you.”
“You don't have to thank me.”
“Let's get out of the bathroom.” He said as he grasped my waist and lifted me off of the vanity. He carried me into the bedroom and laid me down on the bed.
He laid next to me and we simply laid there gazing at each other, as if this was all new. I had forgotten all about Em until he mentioned him. I knew that after the stunt Em pulled and after tonight, there was no way I could go back to him.
“I don't know how to end it with Em.” I started. “I can't tell him about us. It will only cause more drama and pain. I'm sure he's cheating on me. What should I do?”
He stroked my cheek before he answered. “Don't tell him about us, you're right. Just tell him that you know he's cheating on you and that you don't want to be with him anymore.”
It all sounded so simple but I knew it was definitely not going to be easy. “I hope it will be that easy. I don't have anywhere to live though. The house was his first. I'm gonna have to find a new place. That's gonna be fun.” I said sarcastically.
“Bella, don't worry about a place to live. This house is too big for me. You can stay here with me. Didn't you just hear me ask you to stay with me?”
“I did hear you but I didn't think you meant for me to stay in your house with you. I don't know about that.” I wasn't sure that I was ready to move in with him yet.
“Bella, what is there to not know? I love you and you love me. I don't want to be without you any more. It would be my honor to have you live with me.” He sounded so sure of himself and what he was asking me to do.
“I'll think about it. Is that okay?” I asked him.
There was small bit of disappointment in his eyes. “It's okay. I understand. Just please know that I want you here, always.” He said as he leaned in to press his lips to mine, again.

Chapter 24- Teaser

2009-06-24T14:30:00.000-04:00
I finally heard the door open. After a few seconds, I heard Em say “What the fuck?” Then I saw him standing in the doorway of the closet. Fuck! This is it. This is the beginning of hell.

I froze right in the middle of throwing clothes into my suitcases. I didn't even want to look at him. I didn't want to see his face and see his anger. I quit breathing and I swear my heart stopped.

“Bella! What the hell are you doing?” I heard as he walked over to me and grabbed my wrists. I dropped ind the clothes in my hands and the fell to the floor.

Fuck fuck fuck!

“Bella, why are you packing everything up? What's going on? Fucking talk to me!” He shouted at me.

I finally brought my head up and looked at his face. His eyes were wide and his brows were scrunched. His mouth was in a tight straight line. His hands were squeezing my wrists so hard that I lost the blood flow to them. If looks could kill then I would have been dead.

“Em, let go of me.” I said harshly. Today was definitely not going to be as easy as Edward thought.

“Fine.” He said as he released my wrists. “Tell me what is going on. Are you leaving me?” He asked with a confused look on his face.

Chapter 24- Already Gone

2009-06-22T17:27:00.001-04:00

Chapter 24- Already Gone. (Bella POV)
I awoke feeling fully refreshed and like today was the first day of a new life. I was still encompassed in Edward's strong arms. We were laying with our limbs completely entwined with one anthers'. His right arm was under my neck and his left arm was resting around my stomach. My arms were wrapped around his waist and my face was nuzzled against his chest. My right leg was draped across his hips as his left leg sat in between my legs.
I inhaled a deep breath, wondering if he smelled as good in the morning as he did when we went to bed. He did. I placed a light kiss against the center of his chest before pulling my head back and looking at his beautiful face.
He looked so peaceful in his slumber. I could feel his breath on my face as he exhaled. This was how I wanted to wake up everyday. I wanted to be able to look at his face and feel his arms wrapped around me every morning. This was where I belonged, with him.
I didn't want to wake him, so I sat there a while longer and rubbed his back while he slept. My mind was still reeling from last night. I, honestly, felt like I was in a dream. I had never imagined that anything like that would happen to me.
It wasn't about the gifts, although they were beautiful. It was about the thoughts behind them. The fact that he had been buying things that reminded him of me, not knowing if he would ever actually be able to give them to me.
I still couldn't process everything he had confessed to me about his family. I felt honored and privileged that he trusted me with that information when no one in his family knew. I couldn't imagine how hard it was for him to lose both of his parents and then to find out such a huge secret and not be able to tell anyone. He was brave for moving to Chicago to meet Elizabeth and to get to know her. I can't imagine spending five years with her and then to have her die too.
No wonder he hadn't opened his heart to a woman, everyone one he truly loved in his life had died. It made me grateful that I was the one he chose to open his heart to. I would make sure that he knew just how much a woman could love him and how happy two people can be.
We just had one gigantic hurdle to get over before we could start our new life. Emmett was that hurdle. Edward made it seem like breaking up with Em was going to be simple. Like I could just walk in the house, pack up my shit and say “Em, I'm leaving. Have a nice life.” Like there would be no questions or arguing. Did he not know how Em is?
I wanted to end it right. I wanted Em to know that I love him. I'm just not in love with him anymore. It's not even about the fact that both of us cheated on each other. Although, that only solidified that the relationship was definitely over. It was about the fact that we were more like roommates that occasionally had sex with each other.
I found the person that is right for me and I know there is some one out there that is right for him. Maybe that's who he is cheating with. Maybe she is making him see that he is with the wrong person.
I only hoped that he was in some way planning to end the relationship too. That we could in some way be civilized to each other and not make too big of a scene.
I felt Edward's warm lips against my forehead and was brought out of my thoughts.
“Mmm. Good Morning, Love.” He whispered against my skin.
“Good morning it is.” I replied as I tilted my face up to press my lips against his.
“Did you sleep well?” He asked as he gazed in my eyes and ran his fingers through my hair.
“Well doesn't describe it. It's more like amazing.” I saw a huge beautiful smile form across his face. Would looking at him ever get old? Would I ever get tired of him kissing me? I can't ever imagine when I would.
“I know. I love waking up with you in my arms. I've waited so long for this moment. I don't want to move one inch.” His thumb was rubbing light circles on my cheek as he pressed his lips to mine was again.
In all of my mornings with Em, none of them had ever been this enjoyable. This was new territory and I was loving it.
We laid in bed for a while simply kissing, rubbing and looking at each other. It was as if we were both trying to make that moment last. Neither one of us wanted to leave the little world we had created in his bed.
“Are you hungry?” He asked.
“Starving.”
“Then let's go downstairs and get some breakfast.” He said before pressing one more kiss against my lips.
“Okay. Let's go.”
We both got up and put our underwear on. He slid on some jogging pants and his house shoes. I realized that I didn't have anything other than the clothes I wore over here. I stood there in my underwear watching him move around the room. Watching the muscles in back contract. His beautiful body always amazed me.
I guess I kind of zoned out because I hadn't even realized he was talking to me.
“Bella, hello?” I heard faintly.
“Oh, what? I'm sorry.” I managed to spit out as I snapped out of my trance.
He chuckled a little. “I asked you if you wanted a shirt or a pair of my boxer shorts to put on?”
“Oh, that would be great.” I reached down to grab my bra and put it on.
He turned around from his dresser with a t-shirt in his hands. “No no no.”
I looked at him questioningly. “No, what?”
“No bra. Not this morning. Please.” As he walked over to me and handed me the shirt.
I let my bra fall from my hand down to the floor. “Okay. If you say so.” I said jokingly.
I put the shirt on and saw that there were no shorts in his hands. “Where are the shorts? Or do you want me to walk around in this shirt and my thongs all morning?” I said sarcastically.
“Shirt and thongs.” He said simply as he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me to him. My arms went up and around his neck as he kissed me. His lips felt so perfect and the way our lips moved with each other was like they were made for each other.
I felt his tongue slide against my lips and his hands slide down to cup my ass and pull me up. I opened my mouth to him and felt his warm smooth tongue press and circle my own.
After a few moments I felt him pull his mouth away. “Let's go downstairs before we get distracted.” He said laughingly. He was right, though. I wasn't sure how long I could kiss him with him gripping my ass and not want to rip his clothes off.
He released the rest of my body and took my hand as he turned around to walk out of the room. I held onto his hand as we walked into the hallway. I noticed that all of the candles were still there. I knew he had gone to blow out the candles last night after our second round of love making. We didn't want to burn the house down just because we were encompassed in our love bubble. Seeing all the candles and rose petals brought back all of the emotions from last night and reminded me just how much this man loves me.
I followed behind him until we reached the kitchen. He walked to the sink and began to wash his hands while I went to the refrigerator to gather the ingredients for our breakfast. I was reaching inside of the refrigerator to grab the eggs when I heard Edward begin to speak.
“Bella, what are you doing?”
“I'm getting the eggs. Why?” I grabbed the egg carton and shut the door. I turned around to find him walking towards me with his hands out.
He shook his head and laughed as he took the carton from my hands. “Haven't you learned anything yet? I'm doing the cooking. Have a seat, please?” He said in a sweet tone.
“Ummm, okay. Well can I at least make the coffee? I don't want to sit here and do nothing.”
“If you must.” He said with a small chuckle.
I started the coffee and he began cracking the eggs and making our omelets. Once he was finished we sat at the island and ate the food in silence.
We didn't always need to fill the silence with words. That was part of the glorious nature of our relationship. I was content with simply looking at him.
“I don't want to do this today.” I said in almost a whisper.
“Do what today?” He asked as he looked at me confused. Did he forget so quickly that I have to end this with Em?
“You know what I have to do today, Edward. I have to break up with Em.” I said as I grabbed our dishes and put them in the sink.
“Oh. I guess I forgot. You know you don't have to go today. You can stay here with me and go tomorrow. Or better yet, you never have to go. We can buy you new clothes and anything that you need.” As he turned on the stool to look at me.
I walked in between his legs and wrapped my arms around his neck. I placed a small kiss on his lips. “I have to go at some point. It's not about the clothes. After all these years I can't just disappear. He deserves for me to at least end it in person. And the longer I put it off the harder it's going to be. I need to just get it over with. That way we can move on.”
“Okay.” He simply replied as he rubbed my lower back.
“I should go take a shower and get dressed. Get this over with already.” I turned to walk up the stairs to his bedroom.
I made my way to the bathroom attached to his bedroom and found the towels. I started the shower and began to undress. My stomach was in knots thinking about what I was going to have to do shortly. I had no idea what I would say to him or how he would react. I didn't want him to hate me once it was over. We had been together too long for us to hate each other. Not that I thought we could be friends but I hoped one day we could at least be around each other without him giving me evil looks.
I stepped in the warm spray and felt the water rush over my skin. I was slowly relaxing in the steam and water. My muscles becoming less tense with each minute. I was only in the shower for about five minutes when I heard the bathroom door open.
I looked to the door of the shower and saw Edward's head pop in. “Do you want some company?” He asked with a sly smile on his face.
“You are relentless. You know that? You do know that if you get in here with me, nothing will get washed and I'll never actually get the nerve up to leave?” I asked him as I reached for the wash cloth.
“I don't see the downside in that scenario. How about I just wash you off. No sex. I promise.” As he gave me his puppy god eyes.
“Fine but I can't promise I won't touch you.” I said to him as he closed the door to the shower and removed his pants. He quickly stepped back in the shower and I could see his perfect form and clear erection. No sex but your dick is already hard? Right.
He took the washcloth from me and squeezed some body wash on to it. He then sat on the bench in the back of the shower and began to wash the front of my body. I allowed my head to fall back and just relish in the feeling of having this man take such care of me.
“Turn.” He commanded. I turned around let the spray wash the soap off of me as he washed my backside. I was getting so turned on. I could feel myself begin to get wet.
Then I felt him push the wash cloth in between my legs and rub my center. I almost collapsed.
I then felt his hands begin to rub up and down my thighs. He knew what he was doing. He knew I wouldn't be able to take it. The water, the heat, the sensations of him washing me was making it too hard to deny him.
I turned around to face him and his hands went to my stomach. His mouth instantly found my right breast and he began to suck my nipple. I was going to explode without him actually penetrating me.
He continued for a while before I felt him drop to his knees and lift my right leg over his shoulder. I felt his tongue slide inside the folds of my pussy. He felt so good. Everything this man did to me was amazing.
“Edward..... I'm not..... gonna.... last....shit!” I panted as I tried to find something to grab a hold of to balance myself on.
“You don't have to. It's all about you.” He said before he dove back in to me.
That was all I needed to quit fighting my orgasm. I relaxed and let it overtake me. I felt the warmth rush through my body and my muscles clinched and twitched. “Oh God...... Edward.... Edward....Fuck!”
He placed one last kiss on my clit before he stood up. “Now that's a good breakfast.” He said as he kissed my lips.
“You are crazy.”
I switched places with him in the shower and stepped out. I dried off and put on the clothes from the day before. As I was putting on my sneakers I saw him step out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel draped around his waist.
I walked over to him and kissed him one last time. “I have to go. I will call you when I'm done.”
“Okay. Bella, please believe me when I say that I want you here with me, always. I'm dead serious. I want to share everyday with you. I love you and if you need me while you are there, just call and I'll be right there. And I know you are probably going to be upset afterward, so I want you to come here. Let me take care of you.” He said as he pulled me in for a hug.
“I love you too and I believe you. I'll call you soon.” I took one last look in his eyes and released him. I turned to walk away. I couldn't look back or I would never leave.
I grabbed my purse from the couch and walked out to my car. I started the engine and put the car in reverse. I started my iPod and tried to find some light music that would ease my mood a little. I needed to relax and quit being so nervous. This was going to have to happen and it would be easier if I could think clearly.
I finally reached the house and saw Em's car in the driveway. I pulled next to it and cut off the engine. I sat in the car for a few moments taking deep breaths. It's now or never. Just do it and get it over with. You can do this. You have to do this.
I opened the car door and stepped out. I shut the door behind me and walked to front door of the house. My heart was beating so fast that it felt like it was going to explode. I was not as ready for this as I thought. I turned the knob and walked in. Em wasn't in the living room or the kitchen. I walked towards the bedroom and heard the radio playing. He's in the shower. Damn.
I walked to the closet and grabbed my suitcase. I started grabbing some clothes and shoes and stuffing anything I could into the suitcase. I heard the water cut off and I knew he would be out here soon and the war would begin. I continued throwing things into the suitcase. I was getting more frantic and nervous by the moment. My stomach was twisted into so many knots that I felt like I was going to be sick.
I finally heard the door open. After a few seconds, I heard Em say “What the fuck?” Then I saw him standing in the doorway of the closet. Fuck! This is it. This is the beginning of hell.
I froze right in the middle of throwing clothes into my suitcases. I didn't even want to look at him. I didn't want to see his face and see his anger. I quit breathing and I swear my heart stopped.
“Bella! What the hell are you doing?” I heard him say as he walked over to me and grabbed my wrists. The force from him squeezing my wrists made me drop the clothes and they fell to the floor.
Fuck fuck fuck!
“Bella, why are you packing everything up? What's going on? Fucking talk to me!” He shouted at me.
I finally brought my head up and looked at his face. His eyes were wide and his brows were scrunched. His mouth was in a tight straight line. His hands were squeezing my wrists so hard that I lost the blood flow to them. If looks could kill then I would have been dead.
“Em, let go of me.” I said harshly. Today was definitely not going to be as easy as Edward thought.
“Fine.” He said as he released my wrists. “Tell me what is going on. Are you leaving me?” He asked with a hurt and confused look on his face.
“Fine. Let's talk. Get dressed first. I'll meet you in the living room.” I said as I walked around him and out of the bedroom.
“Uhh. Okay.” I heard him say under his breath.
I walked into the living room and sat on the couch. My mind was racing. I had no idea how to start this conversation. He was already pissed and confused. Could he really not see it coming? Was he really that oblivious to everything? Did he think our relationship was working the way it was?
After a minute, he walked into the living room in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. He walked over and sat in the chair across from me. I stared at him for a few moments trying to figure out what to say to him.
“Bella, just tell me. Are you leaving me? Just be honest.” All the anger was gone from his face. He now looked sincere and concerned.
I took a deep breath before I started. “Yes, Em. I'm leaving. I'm sorry.” I said quietly as the tears began to fall down my cheeks. I knew my emotions would get out of control.
“Why?”
“You know why. Em....” I said as I looked down at my hands and wiped away the tears. “I love you but I love you like a brother. I feel like we are room mates that occasionally have sex. We just can't go on like this anymore.”
“Bella, we can get it back. I know we can. Don't leave. Please. I love you. I wanna be with you. Please don't leave me.” He was pleading and his voice sounded so broken. In all the time I've spent with him, I've never heard his voice sound like this.
I was, surprisingly, pissed by what he said. “Em, we've tried to get it back. How much can you want us or me when you don't even come home at night? You stood me up on a date that you planned! I've never stood you up and I've never ever stayed out all night. It was unacceptable and you know it!” I shouted at him harshly. I wasn't trying to place blame on either of us. We both screwed up royally and we were both to blame for ruining our relationship.
“I explained all of that to you. I'm sorry. I do want us. I want you.” I looked up to see his face and he looked as if he was about to cry and it broke my heart. Looking at him made my tears fall even harder.
“Em, it's just over. You know it and I know it. We've just been hanging on because we've been together for so long. I can't do that anymore. It's time we go our separate ways and find the person that's right for us. I'm sorry.” I stated as I got up from the couch and walked over to him. I bent down in front of him and placed my hands on the sides of his face. I placed a light kiss on his forehead. “I'm sorry.” I turned and walked toward the bedroom. My tears were still flowing, my breathing was all over the place, I was a mess. I hated doing this, but I knew it was for the best, I was in love with someone else. I needed to do this for both of us, do what was best for me.
I went into the closet and continued packing my things. I wanted to get the majority of my clothes so that I wouldn't have to come back anytime soon. I could come back when he was gone and get my furniture.
I was almost done when I heard Em walk into the room. I looked over to him. “Bella, I don't want you to leave but if you have to then you have to. I don't know what I'm gonna do without you.”
“Em, you are a grown man, you will be fine. I know there is someone out there that is more right for you then I am. I'm sorry but I promise one day you will thank me for letting you go.”
It was true. Em wasn't a bad guy. He just wasn't the right guy for me. It was time we both moved on in our lives.
I closed my suitcases and wiped the tears from my eyes. I had gathered all I could manage and it was time to finally walk out the door. I had to find the strength to take the final step and walk out of the door. I grabbed the suitcases and started to roll them towards the door. I passed Em and started to cry again.
I made my way to the front door and opened it. I put the suitcases on the porch and turned around to take one last look at the house. I was met with Em's face instead.
“I.....I.... guess this is it.” I stammered. I was unsure of what to say to him at this point. What could I say? He looked so hurt and I doubt there was anything I could say to make him feel better.
“I guess so.” He said softly. His eyes were glassy and his face was filled with so much hurt.
“Bye, Em.” I said somberly as I looked his face one last time and broke into tears, again.
“Bye.” He whispered.
I turned and walked out of the door. I grabbed my suitcases and rolled them out to the car. As I opened the trunk to load the suitcases, I looked at the front door and saw Em still standing there looking at me in a daze. I felt so bad for what I had just done but I was thankful he didn't know about Edward. It seemed as if he was hurt enough by me leaving; I didn't need to add insult to injury.
I finished loading the car and got in and shut the door. I started the engine and backed out of the driveway. As soon as I was out of the driveway, I lost it. I began sobbing so hard that I could barely breathe. I wasn't crying for myself. I was crying because of what I had just done. I was crying because the man I had spent the last few years with was no longer a part of my life.
I pulled over on the side of the road to call Edward.
“Bella, are you okay?” Edward answered.
I couldn't even respond. I just kept sobbing into the phone. I didn't know where I was going. I knew Edward wanted me to come there but I still wasn't sure about it. At this point, it was either a hotel or Edward's. I thought the decision would be clear but it wasn't. I wasn't sure if was ready to live with another man so soon. But this isn't just any man, it's my Edward. The Edward that had opened his entire world to me.
I had a tough decision to make. Where do I go now?

Chapter 25- I Will Be

2009-06-21T18:22:00.001-04:00

Chapter 25- I Will Be
(Bella POV)

“Bella? Bella? Please answer me. Are you okay?” His voice was full of worry but I couldn't manage to actually produce words. All I could do was sob. “Bella, say something. Anything. Where are you? I'll come get you?”

I never imagined that I was going to be this emotional about leaving Em. I knew it was coming and I was the one that had made the decision to end it but it clearly wasn't making it any easier. I felt like such an idiot. I was sobbing like a five year old, in my car on the side of the road. Could I not be an adult and control my emotions?

“Bella? Where are you?”

“I....I....” I stuttered. I didn't want to seem this weak. I wanted to be strong and handle all of this like a real woman would.

“I …. I am on the side of the road. You don't have to come get me. I...I...I'll be fine. Just talk to me. Please.” I took a few deep breaths and tried to regain my composure.

“Thank God. I didn't know what had happened to you. Are you sure you don't want me to come get you?”

I ran my hand through my hair and leaned my head back against the headrest. “No. I'll be okay to drive. It was harder than I thought it would be.”

“I'm sorry Bella. I'm sorry you had to go alone. I've been so worried about you. He didn't do anything bad to you, did he?” He questioned. I could tell he was only concerned about my well being.

“No, he didn't. It was just hard to tell someone goodbye that you've spent everyday with for the past few years. At least it's over with. Now we can move forward.”

“I know it was hard, Baby. I love you.” The smooth sound of his voice never seemed to get old.

“I love you too. I guess I need to start driving and get off the side of the road.” I said as I lifted my head up and grasped the steering wheel.

“Are you sure you're safe to drive?”

“Yeah, I'm okay now. I'm just not sure where I'm going to be driving to.” I know he wanted me to come there but I just wasn't sure yet. I didn't want Edward to be the rebound guy. I wanted to make sure that I was ready to fully be with another man. He seemed so sure that everything would work out with us. I wasn't sure how he could be so certain. Did he know something I didn't?

“Bella, what are you talking about? I thought you were going to come here?” He sounded hurt.

I sighed to myself. “I'm just not sure Edward. I don't want to mess things up with us just because I don't have a place to go right now. I'm sure I can call Alice and stay with her for a while.” I knew where I wanted to be but I just wanted to make the right decision.

“You don't need to go to Alice's. She's going to want to know what happened and do you really want to tell her the whole story so soon? Please just come here. If you don't want to stay here we can figure something out. Please.”

He was right. I loved Alice but she would surely want to know the details and I wasn't ready to tell that story yet.

“I'll just go to a hotel for a few days then.” I tried to negotiate with him.

“Bella, please quit being so stubborn. Just come here for now and we can talk about this later.”

I put the car in drive and pulled back on to the road.

“Okay. You win. I'll be there soon.”

“Thank you. Please be careful. I love you.” He was so open with his feelings now and it almost made me melt every time he said those words.

“I will be. I love you too.” I said as I shut my phone.

I drove to Edward's and my mind was boggled the whole time. I was thinking about Em and how hurt he looked when I left. I was thinking about how in the hell I was going to explain this to everyone. I was thinking about what things would be like if I decided to live with Edward. I wasn't worried about what everyone else would think but I didn't want Edward to think I was only with him because it was convenient.

I've never felt for anyone the way I feel for Edward. He deserved to know it and feel it. He had made me feel so special and he deserved to feel the same way.

I pulled into Edward's driveway and saw the garage door open and him standing behind it. The closer I got to the garage the more I could see just how concerned he was for me. He looked like he couldn't get to me soon enough. I wanted to forget the car and jump out into his arms. I wanted to have his strong arms wrapped around me, making me feel safe. I didn't want to cry about Em anymore. I wanted to move past it and be happy with Edward.

I pulled into the garage and before I could put the car in park, Edward was opening my door.

“Bella, I've missed you so much.” He said as he bent down to reach for my face. “I'm so happy you are here.”

I was taken aback from just how concerned he was. I couldn't believe that he loved me that much. I released the steering wheel from my grip and looked at his face. I managed to hold back the tears but I'm sure my face was showing my sadness and apprehension.

He leaned in and kissed my forehead lightly. I couldn't manage to actually produce any words even though my mind was screaming 'I love you. Please hold me.'

He looked deep into my eyes, searching for the answer to a question I knew was coming.

“Bella, are you alright?”

“I will be.” I said simply as I looked into his eyes.

“Let's get you in the house where I can take care of you, properly.” He said before he scooped me up and carried me into the house. I wrapped my arms around his neck and nuzzled my nose into his chest. I wanted to inhale his delicious scent. I wanted to hear his calming heart beat. His encompassing love was my home and I wanted to be wherever he was. I knew then that I didn't care what anyone else would think about our relationship, when we finally revealed it. All that matters is us and our love.

He carried me to his bedroom and laid me on the bed. I was fighting extremely hard to contain my emotions and hold back the tears. I just felt like I needed to get them all out before I could truly move on. My eyes were closed when I felt Edward lean down and lightly kiss my cheek before whispering in my ear. “I love you, Bella. Just try to relax while I pamper you.”

The past twenty four hours had been so amazing and I could only imagine what he had in store as far as pampering me.

I felt him pull off my sneakers and socks. He moistened his hands with some lotion and began to massage my feet. A small moan escaped from my lips as I started to to relax. His hands were like magic as he pressed his thumbs into the soles of my feet.

He then pushed up the legs of my jeans and began to massage my calves. I couldn't believe how relaxed I was becoming. I wasn't sure if my love for this man was overwhelming me or if it was honestly the massage.

He stopped for a second before reaching up and unbuttoning my jeans and pulling them down. I allowed him to pull them down without hesitation. I would let this man do anything he wanted to me.

He slowly and methodically massaged my thighs. He came closer and closer to my center with each pass of his hands and I thought I was going to explode. I wasn't even thinking about sex at first but I couldn't control myself when he was being so loving and his hands were so close to my center.

He lifted up and brought his mouth to my ear. “Bella, Do you trust me?”

Did he really have to ask? “Yes, Edward, I do.”

“I'm happy to hear that. I'm not done pampering you. Stay in the zone, baby.” He said as he cradled me and lifted me up into his arms.

He carried me into his bathroom and sat me on the vanity before pressing a light sensual kiss on my lips. He turned around and started the water in his garden tub. He dropped in a scoop of the bath salts. What man has bath salts? Oh well, I don't care. He tested the temperature of the water before turning back around to me.

He gazed into my eyes and pressed his lips against mine, once again. Thoughts of Em were slowly drifting from my mind. Every second I spent with Edward confirmed that I had made the right decision.

He grasped the hem of my shirt and slowly pulled it over my head. He reached around and opened the clasp of my bra; releasing my breasts as my bra fell off my shoulders. I could feel the steam from the hot water begin to settle in my muscles and release some of the tension.

He slid his fingers down the sides of my panties and began to pull them down. I raised my butt off of the counter so he could remove them without any problems. He, once again, scooped me up and sat me down inside the warm relaxing water.

I allowed my head to fall back as Edward lit a few candles and turned off the lights. I closed my eyes and the water wash away all of stress from the day. I couldn't dwell on the past. It was time for the future.

I felt Edward's hands on me as he began to knead the muscles in my neck and shoulders. This was truly heaven on Earth and I wasn't sure I would ever want to leave this bathroom. I'd never had any man do the things Edward had done in the last day. He was amazing me more and more every minute. I didn't know what I did to deserve this man but I was certain I wasn't going to let him go.

I drifted to sleep for a minute while I was still in the tub before I felt Edward press his warm lips against my temple.

“Love, it's time to get out. The water is getting cold.”

“Okay.” I said as I stood up. Edward held out a towel to wrap around me. The best part wasn't the towel being wrapped around me, it was having Edward's arms wrapped around me. I would never tire of him. It felt like we were made for each other.

I fell asleep in his arms that night. I honestly couldn't bring myself to let him go.

I awoke the next day and felt like a new woman. Today would be the first day of the rest of my life. My new life with Edward. I looked at the peaceful, beautiful, sleeping man that laid next to me. I softly stroked his cheek with my hand. I just needed to feel him.

I continued to watch him sleep. He deserved his rest. He had put my needs before his own and taken care of me and shown me just how much he loved me.

We still had a lot of things to work out. When would we reveal our relationship to our friends and family? Would we tell everyone the truth? That we had been cheating liars or would we tell them that we started our relationship after I broke up with Em? I didn't want to lie to everyone or to hide but I just wanted to live in our perfect bubble for at least a couple more days.

I decided to get out of bed before he woke up. Sometime during the night he had managed to put one of his t shirts on me and a pair of his boxers. I made my way down stairs and into the garage to get my purse and at least my toothbrush and some clothes. As I walked back into the house, I reached for my phone inside of my purse. I needed to call into work. I was scheduled to work for the next few days but I knew there was no way I could make it. I told my boss that I had come down with a fever and couldn't make it in for my shift and would let her know when my fever was gone.

I ended the call and noticed I had a missed call from Alice. I listened to my voice mail as I say my bags down in the kitchen. I didn't want to assume he wanted my things in his room so I thought I would leave them here until he moved them where he wanted them.

Hey Bella. I miss you, a lot. I heard what happened with Emmett. I'm sorry. I'm here if you need me or just want to talk. Where are you anyway? I love you. Please call me.

I would call her soon but I just wasn't ready, yet. How did she know already? I hadn't told anyone. Em must be telling people. Great.

I heard footsteps coming down the stairs and soon Edward was within my sight. The man looked amazing, even with his crazy and unruly hair.

“Good morning, Mr. Amazing.” I said as I reached my arms out for him.

“Mmm, Good morning to you, love.” He responded as he kissed my lips sweetly.

That morning Edward and I sat around the house and kissed and talked and then kissed some more. We decided to keep things our secret for a while longer. We made the decision that we would know when the time was right. I didn't want to avoid my friends for much longer, although I wasn't sure if I could even call Rose my friend anymore since I hadn't seen her in forever.

After that day we settled into a fairly regular routine. He convinced me stay, which wasn't hard. I wanted to stay more than I wanted to leave.

I would wake up in the morning and fix a pot of coffee. Before the coffee was ready, Edward would come down and fix a ridiculous breakfast for us. I would go to work and he would send me sweet little text messages throughout the day. He would often send flowers or candy to the hospital. He was continuously doing thoughtful things for me. I fell more in love with him everyday.

I would come home and cook dinner for us. He always had a glass of wine waiting for me when I walked in the door. We would fall asleep watching movies on the couch or just laying in bed and talking. It was amazing how easy it was for us to be together. He always seemed to anticipate my needs or desires, like he was reading my mind.

Alice continued to call and send messages and after talking to Edward about it, I finally agreed to meet her for lunch on the weekend. I couldn't avoid her forever and she deserved for me to at least talk to her. Although, I may not tell her everything she wants to know.

Last night, I came home to find out that Edward's Aunt Amanda had called to tell him that the family reunion was coming up the next weekend. I had only been to the reunion with Em once. I wasn't sure how I felt about going but Edward had said that he would only go if I felt comfortable. He didn't want to go without me although, he wanted to see his family.

It was a tough decision to make and it was one that I couldn't decide over night. I love Edward very much but I wasn't sure I was ready to flaunt it in front of his family.

“Oh my God, Bella!” I heard Alice squeal as I walked into the restaurant. I suddenly felt her small arms wrap around my neck.

I embraced her in a tight hug. “Hey Alice. It's so good to see you!” I hadn't realized how much I missed her until I saw her.

We continued our embrace until her tiny arms caused me to be unable to breathe. “Alice, I can't breathe.”

She giggled as she released me. “I'm sorry. I'm just so happy to see you.”

We both had ridiculously large smiles on our faces. She took my hand as she said “I have a table over here. Let's sit down and talk.”

We sat down and the waiter came over to get our order. We of course ordered two fish bowl margaritas. Hopefully, I wouldn't get drunk and spill everything I had been hiding. I wanted her to know the truth, just not all of it.

“So,” Alice began “Are you doing okay?”

“Yeah, ya know.” I said shrugging my shoulders. “It was hard at first but I have pretty much moved past it now.”

“That's great to hear. I thought it would take you a little longer to get over it but I guess it wasn't that traumatic since you broke up with him.”

If only she knew. “Yeah, I cried a lot at first. It was just the right thing to do. We were more friends than lovers. I felt like we were together for appearances, not for love.” As I took a sip from my drink.

“I understand. I know you left him the house. I was pretty shocked to hear that. Where are you living now?” She questioned.

“Well, I.....” I stammered. I wasn't sure of how to tell her I was with Edward. “I... I'm seeing someone and I've been staying with them lately.” I couldn't look at Alice in the face. I had to look down at the table. I didn't want to see the judgment in her face.

“Really?” She sounded surprised.

“Yeah.”

“Well, that was fast. Who is he? He must be pretty amazing for you to be spending so much time with him so soon.”

I looked up at her. There was no way I could tell her that it was Edward. I would warm her up to the idea of me being with someone and tell her how great he is and then after a while tell her who he is.

“I'd rather not tell you, just yet. Things are going so well with us that I don't want to jinx it.”

“Oh, I see. You are keeping secrets now, huh?” She responded with one eyebrow cocked.

“Not really. I just don't want to screw it up so soon.”

“Yeah yeah, blah blah blah. If you won't talk about your great new relationship, I'll talk about mine.”

“Okay, let me guess. Jasper is still amazing and you guys are better than ever?”

“Of course but the big thing is that I think he's going to ask me to marry him! I can't wait for him to ask me. It's like he's dragging it out.”

“That's great! I'm so happy for you. I can't wait for your fabulous wedding.”

She was pretty much jumping out of her seat with excitement. “I know! It's going to be the event of the season. I want you and Rose to be the bridesmaids.”

“I'd love to! Speaking of Rose, have you talked to her recently?”

“No, she's been kind of distant lately. She, like you, is dating some new guy that she won't tell me anything about. I'm getting really tired of you two keeping secrets from me.”

Rose was never one to hide any of her men. She loved to make people jealous with her handsome, rich men. I couldn't imagine why she was hiding this one and especially from Alice. Then again, I was keeping the same secret. Interesting.

The rest of the lunch continued in the same manner. Alice talking about wedding plans and I was daydreaming of Edward. After a couple hours, we said our goodbyes and went in separate directions. I loved Alice for not scolding me on how wrong it was to be staying with a man so soon. I only hoped she be as understanding when she found out it was Edward.

Once I was on my way home to Edward, there was a mixture of emotions inside of me. I was still worried about going the family reunion. I wanted to go because I knew how much he wanted to see his family and I wanted to be there for him like he was for me. I was curious about the secret man that Rose was seeing. I was excited to see Edward's handsome face when I got home.

This man had done so much for me and there was no way I could deny him a chance to see all of his family at one time. If he wanted to go as a couple, then I would go.