Sunday, August 2, 2009
Chapter 1 - The Way We Are.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything Twilight related. Only the plot.
The italics are Bella's actual thoughts.
Thank God this day is over! These patients families have really worked my nerves today. It was finally seven o'clock and I was on my way home from a long twelve hour shift. My back and my feet were throbbing.
I work as a nurse in the ICU for the local hospital here in East Point, Georgia.
I've been an RN for 4 years now. I love my job, most of the time. It's rewarding to know that I can help people during the worst time of their lives. I've always wanted to help people and this was the best career for that.
I reached over and grabbed my purse. I rifled through it in the passenger seat and I picked up my cell to call Emmett. We've been dating for a few years and have lived together for about a year and ninety five percent of the time it works. Of course, nothing is perfect and all relationships have issues. We are no exception.
I dialed his number and was entertained by the sounds of Maxwell's This Woman's Work while waiting on him to answer. Sweet huh?
“Hey baby. What's up?” He said sounding frustrated and tired.
“Just got on the highway. Be home in about twenty minutes. You home already?”
“Yeah. Just got here a few minutes ago.”
“OK. I'll be there soon. Love you.” Trying to sound enthusiastic.
“I love you too. See you in a few.” Then I heard him hang up the phone. I closed my phone and set it in the cup holder.
I reached over to my iPod and started shuffling through the songs trying to find the perfect song that would make me feel stress free. Here it is. I love this stupid song. I pressed play and cranked up the volume. It was Madonna's Star Light Star Bright. It's such a cheesy song but I can't help singing along. And sing loud! My singing really sounds terrible but when I'm in the car alone it doesn't matter.
Em is a very attractive man. He's tall, muscular, kind eyes, warm smile, dark curly hair. It's like they always say though 'looks aren't everything' but I love him more than I ever thought I would love a man. I haven't had many serious relationships in my life. I know he loves me but I wonder just how much he loves me and if it's enough to last. Only time will tell.
At first, Em and I couldn't get enough of each other. It felt as if there was this cosmic force that drew us together. If we weren't at work, we were together. It didn't matter where it was or what we were doing. We could even be doing laundry and as long as we were together it was fun. After a couple years, things just kind of got comfortable. The newness and excitement began to wear off. The butterflies in my stomach I once felt just by looking at him eventually vanished. The sex is good when he puts effort into it but even it's not what it used to be.
Our sex life was so exciting in the beginning. We would do it everywhere. Cars, balconies, movie theaters, friends houses, bathrooms. It was that cosmic force that we couldn't deny. I never had a problem reaching my climax, until we moved in together. I don't know if it's because I have to look at him all day everyday or what but getting me to climax is so much harder these days.
Finally I was home. Thank God! I'm so tired.
“Hey baby.” I heard him say as I walked in the door.
“Hey sweetie. How was your day?” I asked him trying to sound interested.
He let out a deep sigh and said “It was alright. I'm just tired of having to do all the work around there. It's like I'm the only one that actually shows up and does their job. This shit is getting old!” Wow! More bitching. You hate your job. Big freaking shocker! If you would have some ambition and go back to school you could get a job that you didn't hate.
I released a small sigh and said “I know babe. I'm sorry. It's always the people that actually work who get stepped on by the lazy folks.” Can we please talk about something else now? I can't take much more of your bitching everyday about the same shit.
Emmett was sitting on the couch drinking a beer. The first beer of many, I'm sure. If he followed his regular routine he would drink about six before he went to bed.
Problem number one.
While I was cooking dinner, I couldn't help but glare over to him sitting on the couch playing his Xbox. Really? Are you fucking five years old again? Do something around here instead of playing games. I'm not your servant.
I'm no saint but he drinks everyday, no matter what. Then he passes out on the couch and doesn't even come to bed. Problem number two.
If I wanted to sleep by myself every night I would've never moved in with him.
After I cooked dinner, I sat down next to Em on the couch to eat and watch one of our favorite shows, House of Payne. Curtis is so funny that you can't help but laugh at him.
Once the show was over, I looked over at Em and noticed he was still drinking. God! Can't you take one night off??? Sitting there in his t-shirt and work pants with a beer in one hand and the other hand on his groin. Classic.
I tried to loosen the muscles in my face before I said “Em, how many beers have you had tonight?” The whole 12 pack probably. I was attempting to sound like the concerned girlfriend and not a bitch. I wasn't sure how well it was working.
He turned his face towards me with furrowed brows and creases in his forehead. “I don't know Bella. Four maybe. Damn! What difference does it make?”
“I'm just wondering. It seems like you are drinking a lot lately. Like you can't do anything outside of work unless you have a beer in your hand.” Oh and the sex sucks when you are drunk! I couldn't use that card yet. Although, I really wanted to. If I used that it meant there was going to be a war in this house.
He raised up off of the couch and turned his whole body towards me and said “Bella, what the fuck? I work hard all day to help support us and I can't come home and have a few beers? This is bullshit!” He threw his hands up in the air like he was confused.
I have a short temper and I don't deal well with people yelling at me. So I snapped.....
“No, what's bullshit is the fact that sex with you sucks when you're drunk!" Yep, I brought out the big dogs with that comment. "You don't put any effort into it and you just wanna lay there and shove your dick inside me like I'm a fucking rag doll. Why do you think I want to have sex right when we get home? At least then you put enough effort into it to make me orgasm!” My whole face was tense by this point but I managed to remain seated. I knew that was hitting below the belt but he needed to know the truth.
At this point Emmett was staring me down as if he were about to morph into a bear and tear me to shreds. I could see by his reaction that I had struck a nerve with what I had just said. Oh shit! Maybe I went too far with that one.
I kept my eyes locked on his face while his breathing quickened. I could almost see the wheels turning in his head.
“Fuck you Bella! If my sex isn't good enough for you, there are plenty of other women ready and willing to take your place." He was now pacing around the living room. Using his hands to emphasize his points. "So you just say the word and you don't have to worry about me or my dick anymore. Is that what you want Bella?”He put his hands on his hips and tapped his foot, waiting on my answer.
Are you kidding? Other women waiting? Go ahead! Those hoes are not going to be as good to you as I am. You have it made and need to realize it and fast!
As I got to my feet, I looked at him and said “Wow! So that's how it's going to be? If you want other women, go have them. I don't own you! Good luck with the new woman because all the women that I've seen that want you don't have shit going for them!”
“That's not what I asked you Bella!" Pointing his finger at me and pursing his lips together. "Is that what you want? Do you want me to leave and find another woman? Answer me damn it!” His voice kept getting louder and louder.
"Don't fucking yell at me like I'm your dog Emmett!" You should be appreciating me. Not demanding answers to some bullshit ass question.
We were standing directly in front of each other. Of course, he's a least a whole foot taller than I am and I have to look up at him to make eye contact.
"Answer the question Bella!" He demanded very loudly.
“No Emmett I don't! I don't want you to leave. I want the man back that I fell in love with! The man that didn't have to drink everyday of his life. The man that came home and helped me with dinner. The man that was happy just being with me. The man that would spend hours on foreplay just to please me! That's what I want!” The question is can you be that man again? Do you even want to be that man again? I could feel the emotions of the fight beginning to take their toll on me.
“I still am that man! You just can't see it anymore. Just because I have a few beers when I get home doesn't mean I'm not happy being with you. I love you. I just can't take your nagging all the time.” He sounded like he was trying to be sweet but calling me nagging wasn't going to make me feel any better.
I looked up at him with a look of amazement and said “Nagging? Who the fuck is nagging all the time? Me asking you a question about how many beers you've had is not nagging!” You think this is nagging? You have no idea! With that I walked around him and went into the bedroom to sit on the bed. I put my face in hands and began taking deep breaths to try and calm down.
He followed behind me and said calmly “Maybe not to you but it feels like it to me." He squatted down in front of me and pulled my hand away from my face. "I don't think I can be what you want me to be. I'm just gonna leave.” Here we go again. You do this shit all the time. Always just want to up and leave as soon as we argue about something.
I saw him walk to the bedroom closet. When I saw him start to throw his clothes into a suitcase, I couldn't decide if I wanted to stop him or let him leave. He was being so childish. When you really love someone how can you just up and leave because of a stupid fight? I was dumbfounded.
Then I came to a decision. I love him. Don't let him leave.
I wiped all the anger off my face and just simply stated “You can't leave over a stupid fight like this, Emmett.” You do realize how stupid you're being right?
“I can do whatever I want to do Bella. You are obviously not happy with me anymore. So I'm leaving. I'm done!” Still throwing his clothes in the suitcase. I had no clue what to say to him to get him to stop packing and act like a reasonable adult again.
“Babe, come on now. You know I love you and I wanna be with you. We can work this out. We always do. Come on, just stop packing. Please.” Great, now I'm crying. This happens every time he threatens to leave.
He must have heard my crying because he walked out of the closet and looked at me.
“Bella. Quit crying.” He walked over to me and grabbed my hands from my face. He pulled me up and snaked his arms around my waist and pulled me to him and hugged me tightly. “I'm not leaving. I just want us to be like we used to be.”
I held my arms around his neck as tight as I could. “I know. We just have to work at it. We love each other enough to make this work. Don't we, Em?” I pulled away slightly to look in his eyes.
"Yes. We do Bella." I could see that he meant it.
He grabbed my face with his big strong hands and pulled it up so my lips could meet his. He pressed his closed lips against mine lightly. His lips were soft and warm.
It was such a innocent kiss that said "I love you and only you!" My hands grabbed the back of his neck to pull myself more into him.
We kissed for a long time only pulling away when we couldn't breath anymore.
“I love you baby. I don't wanna fight with you.” I said sweetly. I really don't but we gotta fix this.
“Me either Bella. I'm sorry.” You should be.
With that Em went back into living room and got another beer out of the fridge. Big Fucking shocker but I'm tired of fighting tonight.
I decided I would give this an honest effort so I went into the living room and laid down with my head in Emmett's lap. While we were watching TV I heard Em's phone vibrating. He picked it up and looked confused.
“Hello?” he said.
“Oh damn! What's up cuz?” He looked so surprised.
Which cousin is this and what do they want? He has a huge family and they only call when they want something.
“You're kidding?! I can't believe it! I haven't seen you in years. Yeah, just let me know when you get in town. Oh and Edward I want you to meet my girl Bella so I'm gonna bring her too.” He was basically jumping out of his seat at this point.
So this is the Edward? Why are you giddy like a five year old at Christmas?
I'd heard the name before but didn't know much about him other than the fact that he moved to Chicago years ago after his parents died. The rest of their family didn't talk much about him or his parents. I just figured it was a sore subject.
“Sounds good Cuz. See you soon.” Now he's involved me in the plans. God only knows what they have planned.
He hung up the phone and had a huge grin on his face. “Bella guess what?”
“What honey? You want me to meet Edward?” I did just hear you on the phone.
“Not only that baby but he's moving back here! I can't believe it! He's been gone for like five years and now he's coming back.”
Could you act any more girly about this? Calm down!
“That's great. I can't wait to meet him. Why is he moving back?” I was asking because I'm nosey and it's odd that Em gets this excited about anything.
“He didn't say. I'm just glad he's coming back. He's my favorite cousin. You're gonna love him!”
“I'm sure I will. If he's your favorite, he's my favorite!” I said sarcastically.
Em began to text people on his phone. I could only guess he was texting everyone that knew his cousin to tell them about Edwards' return.
Your favorite cousin that I've barely heard about? How is he your favorite when you barely talk about him? Why did he leave years ago and why is he back all of a sudden? Somethings up. I hope we can get along because I have a feeling Emmett's going to make me see a lot of him.
He set his phone down and finally calmed down. We watched TV for a while and then I heard Emmett snoring. I'm not even upset. This is what we have come to be.
I got up and went to the bedroom and figured it was time to call it a night. I was pooped from all the arguing. I hoped the next day would be a better day for us.