Sunday, August 2, 2009
Chapter 8- I Wish You Knew.
Note: The italics in Edward's chapters are flashbacks.
The last few weeks for me have been more than eventful. I finally made the move back to my home town. I had been gone for five long years. No one in my family had any idea where I had been or what I had been doing. I chose not to contact them, even though I missed them severely. I had things that needed to be taken care of that only I knew about. It was something that I needed to deal with, alone. I remember the last time I saw anyone in my family.
“Edward, you can't just up and leave your entire family like this. You are confused and grieving. Please don't leave. Let us all heal each other.” Aunt Amanda said to me. I knew she only wanted what was best for me but she had no idea of my true feelings.
“Aunt Amanda, you know you and Uncle James are my favorite and I appreciate the offer but I have to go. There are things that I can't talk about right now but I have to go and figure this out on my own. I'm sorry.” I really was sorry. I didn't want to leave them. They were grieving just as I was.
“Sugar, what do you need to figure out? You know you are welcome to stay here if you don't want to stay in that house alone? We love you and we are your family. I don't want to lose you too.” Aunt Amanda began to cry. I was truly feeling like shit now. She just lost her sister and now she thought she was going to lose me too.
“I... I can't tell you all the details right now. I promise I will be back when everything is sorted out. Please just trust me.” I reached out to hold her hand.
“Alright then. If you have to go, you have to go. I expect you to keep your promise!” She said with a slight smile.
I walked outside and gave Uncle James a goodbye hug. He understood that men just need to handle business alone sometimes. It was a man thing. I then went to Emmett's room. I couldn't leave without saying goodbye to him. He was like a brother to me and he was also hurt that I was leaving. He gave me a big bear hug and told me if I didn't come back, he would come hunt me down. Lastly, I hugged Aunt Amanda goodbye and told her that I loved her. As I walked out to my car, I turned around to see her waving and crying. My heart broke even more. I hated to hurt her. I got into my car and started the long drive to Chicago.
I couldn't think of a better way to celebrate my homecoming other than to party with my favorite cousin. I knew he was bringing his girlfriend but I didn't think anything of it. Then I saw her and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I've never experienced anything like her. I've had a few girlfriends and lots of short term involvements but none of that compared to what I felt towards her in that first meeting. There was something different about her. I wasn't sure what it was yet.
Yes, she was beautiful. Yes, she was smart. She was funny and charismatic. She was breathtaking. I'll never forget the look in her beautiful chocolate eyes when I first saw her. She almost looked like she was in another world. I instantly wanted to be in that world with her. From the first touch I swear I felt a shock run through my body. I had no idea what that was about. I didn't know if she felt it too. Maybe I was just crazy!
I tried to maintain a steady conversation with Emmett that first night to keep my mind occupied.
“So Emmett, what's been up with you since I've been away?” Easy conversation would be good.
“Not much man. Just working at the tire factory. Spending time with Bella. No kids yet. We aren't ready for a little Emmett to run around tearing up everything.” He said jokingly. He then bent down to take a sip from his drink. When his eyes were down I took a quick glance at Bella. She was playing with her straw with her index finger. She licked her lips and I could only imagine what they would feel like against mine. Her eyes looked like and endless pool of amazement. I wanted to know everything that was going through her mind.
I was interrupted when Em said “Oh and my mom said that if you don't come see her this weekend she was going to whip you when she finally sees you.”
“Ha ha. I miss your mom a lot. I'll make sure I go see her in the next couple days.” I needed to get my mind back on my cousin. My Bella daydreaming wasn't going to sit well with him if I was caught.
I knew I shouldn't have been attracted that way to my cousins' girlfriend, but she was a vision of beauty. I hadn't planned to ask them to go to the second bar with me but I just wanted to be around her a little more. I wasn't ready to let her leave yet. Even if I couldn't touch her, I could at least be near her.
I couldn't believe that Emmett would let her go dance by herself. Did he not see how stunning she was? In that skirt and those shoes, she would make any man want her. That was my one chance to touch her and not have anyone think the wrong thing. So I took it. As soon as I grabbed her hand, I felt the electricity again. It was stronger that time. I was sure she had to feel a little bit of it.
“I told Emmett it wasn't right for such a pretty woman to be dancing all alone and that I would dance with you to keep an eye on you.” It was true.
She looked completely surprised that it was me who had grabbed her hand. Even if Emmett would let her dance alone, I would not. She would definitely get hit on by some scumbag.
As we walked to the dance floor I made sure to stay behind her. I held on tight to her hand. My eyes wandered down her back to her beautiful behind. It was shaped perfectly. It was round and tight and bounced just enough as she walked in her heels.
We began to dance and I simply moved with her. I would do whatever she wanted of me. I placed my hands on her hips and felt her begin to bounce her beautiful behind against my groin. She clearly had no idea of the effect she had on me or she wouldn't have done that. I tried to control my erection but the more she bounced the bigger it grew. I never wanted her to stop.
She tried to walk away a few times but I couldn't let her go. I liked feeling the heat from her body. I liked feeling her move her body against mine. I liked the smell of her hair. I liked everything about her.
I was taking a deep whiff of her hair and it smelled like strawberries. As I was enjoying the scent she turned her head. Was she mad at me? I didn't care, our lips were mere centimeters apart. I wanted to taste her lips so badly. I was working up the nerve to lean in and kiss her when she turned her head and spotted her friends.
She managed to get away when her two friends found her. I missed her heat as soon as she left my grip. I missed the electricity. I wasn't sure if she wanted me to follow her but there was some force that was drawing me to her. So, I followed her. Her friends were obviously interested in me. They were so transparent. I was cordial to them and they were attractive but they couldn't hold a candle to Bella.
As we all talked I continued to find myself stealing glances at Bella. Her and Emmett were in their own conversation and I was a little jealous. I wanted it to be me that she was sitting so close to. I wanted to be the one she was whispering sweet nothings to. I wanted to be the one to make her laugh. Alice and Rosalie continued their pursuit. Well, not Alice so much but Rosalie was on overdrive.
The night was over and when everyone was saying goodbye I had to touch her one last time. I wanted more than a hand shake. I wanted to wrap my arms around her. When I did, it felt amazing. I think she stopped breathing for a second. She had to feel the connection. Is this what everyone means when they say that you meet someone and you just know that they are the one? It has to be. I never imagined it would be like this. That it would be so instant.
All the feelings I had ever felt toward any other woman weren't even in the same vicinity as what I was feeling for Bella. The whole night that night, I dreamed of her. She occupied every bit of my mind. The next day came and I wanted to see her again. I had to see if Emmett had plans. Hanging out with him would be the only excuse for me to see her. Luckily, he wasn't busy. When I arrived at their house Bella wasn't there. My heart sank. I was disappointed. I decided to find any reason to stay around until she came home. She would eventually have to come home.
“Dude, Emmett, you gotta get a life! You obviously play these games too much 'cause you are killing me!” I said to Emmett.
“Bro, you're skills are just are just sorry. Don't blame me. You need to get some practice.” He said jokingly. I knew he was joking but he had no clue why I was really there. I would lose these games all day just so I could see her for a mere second.
He continued to as he says 'whoop my ass' in the tournament and then I finally heard what I had been waiting on all day, the door to open.
My heart went into double time. I tried to remain calm so that Emmett wouldn't see how excited I was by the mere thought of her presence. I caught a glimpse of her standing in the kitchen. It was the best part of my whole day. She looked so beautiful.
I couldn't manage to actually speak words to her at first. When I finally was able to produce a sentence I asked her “So Bella, how are the ladies today?” I was embarrassed by the fact that sentence was the best I could come up with.
She almost looked insulted as she said “They are good. We had a great lunch. I hope you know you have had some effect on Rose.” That wasn't hard to guess but I didn't want to talk about Rosalie. Who really cared how I effected Rosalie. I wanted to know how I affected her. Normally, Rosalie would be my type but after meeting Bella, I had no interest in Rosalie at all. But then, Bella said she wanted me to call Rosalie. I would do anything for her.
I suppose she was being realistic. Whether or not she felt the same way I did, we could never be. It would hurt Emmett and he was too important to us both. I made the decision to at least attempt to date Rosalie. It couldn't hurt. Maybe being with another woman would put my mind back into the right place.
I had a lot of moving and paperwork that needed to be done. I needed to finish the paperwork on my new house. I needed to get the movers to move all of the furniture in. I had acquired a lot of things while I was in Chicago.
I went ahead and called Rosalie and set up a date for that next weekend. Go ahead and get it out of the way. She was a nice girl. She just wasn't Bella. There was no electricity or force drawing me to her. The bar had been raised and Rosalie fell short. Of course, Rosalie didn't see that. She practically threw herself at me that night.
“Edward, I see you appreciate nice clothes. What do you think of the new Dolce & Gabana collection?” She looked really excited to talk about fashion. I couldn't believe she was serious. The fact that I like quality clothing means I want to talk about fashion on a date? She was obviously superficial. I didn't mean to come across as rude or uninterested in her conversation but my mind was in other places.
“Well, Rose, I don't really pay all that much attention to clothing or fashion. I simply go for what looks good and feels comfortable.” At this point I knew the date was over. I raised my hand to get the waiters' attention and asked for the check.
She clearly didn't get the hint and on the way home she said “So do you wanna come to my place? We could have some wine and loosen up a bit?” as she used her finger to play with my earlobe.
This was getting bad. I don't even want to talk to you and you want me to come over to loosen up? Not even close.
“I'm sorry but I'm going to have to decline tonight. My house is a wreck and I have a million things to do tomorrow. Is it okay if I drop you off at home?” I sincerely said.
I could tell she was mad and disappointed when her face fell blank and she said “Sure. Whatever.”
I didn't want to be rude but this couldn't end fast enough. I couldn't very well have sex with Bella's best friend. It just felt wrong. Even if I couldn't have Bella.
I honestly had no idea what was going on with me. For the last few weeks she was all I could think about.
Then yesterday, I woke up and my stomach was killing me. I tried to take some over the counter medicine but nothing helped. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I did, however, know someone that would have an idea of how to help. I called Emmett and told him I needed some medical advice and asked him if he could get in touch with Bella for me. Instead he gave me her number. That wasn't very smart of him.
I texted her to ask about my stomach but I also just wanted to talk to her in any way possible. On my date with Rosalie she had told me what Bella had said at lunch that day and I really wanted to know if it was true or if Rosalie was just trying to be funny.
Bella told me to see the doctor and I did. Turns out it was just a stomach spasm and he gave a prescription for an anti spasm liquid. I wanted her to know that I was okay and I wanted an answer to my burning question. I couldn't think of a tactful way to weave it into the conversation so I just came out and told her that I knew and asked her if it was true. To my surprise she said yes. I was absolutely elated! Until that point, I wasn't sure if she felt the same as I did. Then I knew she at least felt something. It couldn't be easy for her to admit that she was attracted to her boyfriends' cousin. Then I stupidly told her that I wanted to be with her and that we could do it and not get caught. That was wishful thinking. I had no idea if we could pull it off and why did I assume that she would even be willing to do it? I was hoping she would reciprocate my declaration but she didn't. She had to get inside her home to Emmett.
I couldn't continue to text her. I didn't want her to have to explain why I was blowing her phone up. My mind was spinning. I needed to know if had made myself look completely stupid or if she felt the same way. Would she tell Emmett? Would she think I was a bad person? I was so confused and had no way to get any answers until the next day. It would be a long night.