Friday, July 31, 2009
Chapter 16- Do You Want To.
Chapter 16- Do You Want To. (Bella POV)
What the fuck! Why does my damn head hurt so bad? Fuck, that's right, too much tequila.
I awoke to a throbbing headache and I felt like the sun peeking through the blinds was burning my skin. My whole body ached and I felt like I could vomit at any moment. Exactly how much tequila did I have last night? Why did I think it was a good idea?
I was having a difficult time recalling the events from last night. The later part of the night was just a blur. The last thing I really remember was seeing Rose with her hands all over Edward's chest. Just the thought of it still made me nauseous. I didn't understand any of what happened between those two. I couldn't be mad at Rose. She had no idea of what was between Edward and I. She was just being her typical self. I could, however, be mad with Edward. He should've known better. I had no choice other than to show up with Emmett. He made a conscious decision to do those things with Rose.
Edward was thoroughly confusing me. One day he doesn't like Rose. The next day he's with me. Then the next day he's letting Rose have her way with him. How in the hell can I not be confused? His words were not matching his actions.
I needed to move on. I could not interrupt my life for a man that has no clue what he wants. I don't even know anything about him, really. I don't know his birthday, his shoe size, how he likes his steak cooked. Fuck! I damn sure don't know if he has a girlfriend. That should've been one of my first questions but it seemed Edward and I skipped the questions and answers session. We went from strangers to sex in no time.
I rolled over to see that Em had already woken up and was out of bed. I noticed a note on the night stand that said he had gone to the gym and would be back soon. Guess he didn't have as much alcohol as me.
I made my way to the kitchen to get some aspirin and water. At least the aspirin could fix my headache. The confusion would only be cleared with time and conversations that I didn't want to have.
I decided to go back to bed. I needed to escape the pain in my head and my heart.
It's been over a week since the notorious 'club' incident. In my mind I had moved past it. I made the decision not to dwell on someone who could push me aside so easily.
I had gone against everything I had prided myself on in my life for one night with this man and then karma slapped me in the face for it. I was no longer the honest person I had always been. I was thankful that Em trusts me so much. He wouldn't go behind me to ask my friends if we were really together that night. He never had any reason not to believe me. That was, until now.
My mind had been tainted after my night with Edward. So many things would trigger my thoughts of him. One slight touch would remind me of his soft hands. One scent of a passing stranger would take me back to that night. He was everywhere and it took a great amount of strength to block it out.
I was back at work and concentrating on my patients. My patients need me. He doesn't, clearly.
I haven't heard from him since that night. I wasn't sure if that night was his way of ending things with me or if something else was going on in his life. I'm sure he had other things going on in his life. He probably was still getting things situated after the move.
After finishing the rounds, I made my way back to the nurses station to finish up some chart documentation. As I was finishing up, I felt my phone vibrate. What does Em want now?
I flipped open my phone to see that it was a message from Edward. What.....what does he want? I hesitated for a few seconds before I opened the message. I had no idea what he would have to say. Would he apologize? Would he tell me to fuck off? So many reasons he could be contacting me.
B, I'm sorry. E
Well that's fucking vague. It's not gonna be that easy. I need specifics. I need you to say the words.
I'm not sure what you're talking about. Sorry for what? B
I sent the message and sat back in my chair. Feeling a little smug. He had hurt me after I had taken such a risk for him and I wouldn't let him get off the hook so easily.
I'm sorry for how I behaved at the club. I'm sorry I haven't contacted you for so long. Can you forgive me? E
Wow, maybe he really was sorry. Maybe I overreacted. Can I forgive him?
I didn't respond immediately. I needed to think about this for a minute. If I forgive him what's going to happen? Will we go back and sneak around? Could we continue to be out in public and act like nothing ever happened? He and I would definitely have to sit down for a long talk.
I accept your apology but I don't know if I can forgive you just yet. I was really hurt. I think we need to talk. B
That was good right? I couldn't give in just yet.
Okay. I'll take what I can get. When can I see you? I miss you. E
I miss you too. I just can't tell you.
I have to work until 7 tonight. Wanna meet me before I go home? B
There will be no sex tonight. Just talking. You need to see that you can't always get what you want.
Yes! 7:30 same place as last time? E
If you wanna spend that much money for a little conversation, be my guest. We would have to keep meeting in hotels. We couldn't go and sit for coffee. I know someone would recognize one of us and then it would get back to Em.
That's fine. See you then. B
Thanks Bella. You won't regret it. E
I already regret it.
The rest of the day passed by relatively quick. As much as I tried to fight it, the thought of seeing Edward tonight was exciting me.
Seven o'clock came around and I clocked out. On my way to the parking deck to get my car, I texted Em to let him know I had to work late. He never questioned my working late. He knew that we were understaffed at the hospital and he sure as hell enjoyed the overtime pay afterwards.
I drove to the hotel. It wasn't far from work. I pulled around to the back of the hotel and noticed that Edward's car was already there. Maybe he's eager too.
I parked behind him and gave myself a quick look in the mirror. Today he would see me as average Bella. No fancy clothes or fixed hair and make up. Today I had on plain blue scrubs, my hair was in a ponytail and my make up was minimal. He's never seen me like this before.
I felt like I was in charge of this meeting. I wasn't going to let him take charge and have his way. He was the one that fucked up and he was the one that now had a debt to pay.
I exited my car and walked up to his drivers' side door. He opened the door just as I reached it. I shot him a look of annoyance. He didn't need to know I was excited. He needed to believe that I was taking time out of my life to meet him when he didn't deserve it.
“Hey Bella.” He said as he exited his car and shut the door. He opened his arms to me and leaned into me for a hug. I quickly pushed his arms away and shook my head at him.
“Oh.... uh..... I'm sorry.” He said with a look of confusion. “Let's get upstairs so we can talk in private.”
“Okay.” I said as we started the walk to the back door of the hotel.
We reached the door and it was unlocked again. “So, are you fucking the desk clerk or do you own the hotel? How is this door always unlocked for you?” I said sarcastically. I was not being the nice Bella he had come to know. I was being bitch Bella that wasn't taking his shit today.
His face really looked like he was thoroughly confused. “Well don't fucking beat around the bush or anything. No I'm not fucking the desk clerk. She keeps my card on file for us and I call her when I'm coming and she unlocks the door.”
Well aren't you Mr. Big Time?
“Oh okay.” I replied as the elevator opened to let us on. We both got on and he didn't try to touch me again. I guess I had broke his confidence by refusing his hug.
We didn't say anything else until we reached the room and entered. He had, again, gotten the suite. I was really gonna have to figure out where he was getting all this money from.
I didn't even go to the bedroom. That would have been too easy for him to assume we would be having sex. I automatically sat down on the chair in the living room. I crossed my arms and legs and looked at him expectantly.
He sat down on the couch as close to me as he could get. He looked really anxious. I saw him open and close his mouth a couple times without actually saying anything. Ha ha. That's what you get. That's how I felt.
“Are you going to actually say something? Or did we come here to stare at each other?” I asked him.
“Damn, why are you being so mean?”
“This isn't me being mean, Edward. Being mean would be to have your best friend right here with his hands all over me. That would be mean, Edward.”
“Oh! I see what's going on. This is how it's gonna be between us?” He asked.
I maintained a straight face and said “Yes, Edward. This is how it's gonna be.”
“Okay. Bella, I'm sorry. Really. I know that I hurt you. I wasn't trying to hurt you though.” He explained.
He stopped and looked at me. Why are you stopping now? Continue. I nodded my head to him for him to continue.
“I didn't want to dance with Rosalie. She drug me out to the dance floor. I didn't want to insult her and tell her no. I wasn't even enjoying myself. When you and Emmett came out there, I was so jealous. You let him grab your tits right in front of me. That was mean Bella.”
“I only let Em do that because you and Rose were all up on each other. I couldn't take it.”
“We were not all up on each other, Bella. We were just dancing. Then I figured you were better off without me so I let Rose touch me more than I should have. I thought I was doing what was best for you. I didn't know I was hurting you and making things worse.” He said as he looked at his hands in his lap and shook his head.
“Well it looked like there was more to it than just dancing. So, I'm sorry I let Em do that in front of you. Why are you trying to make decisions for me? You didn't think to ask me what I wanted before deciding what's best for me?”
“Bella, I'm sorry that things got out of hand. I'm sorry that I was making decisions about your life with out asking you. It was just a big misunderstanding.”
“I guess it was. We just should've talked about some things first. There's things I need to know about you and we need to set some rules for being in public together.” I said as I reached over to touch his knee.
“I think so too.” he said as he took my hand in his. “First rule, no making out with Em in front of me. I can't watch that.”
“Okay. I think I can manage to keep him at bay. Rule for you, no heavy flirting or heavy touching other girls in front me. It makes me want to vomit.”
He chuckled. “Fair enough. Just remember that I will have to talk to women or else people are gonna start to wonder what's wrong with me.”
I looked at him skeptically. “Deal. Now I have a question for you.” He nodded his head. “Do you have a girlfriend? Kids? I just need to know how much wrong I am doing.”
“No, that's understandable. I would've asked you the same questions but I already knew the answers. I had an unfair advantage. No and No.” He said confidently. I felt a small bit of relief from his answers.
“That makes me feel a little better.”
“I'm glad.” he said as he got up to close the small distance between us. He opened his arms again, asking for another hug. I stood up and entered his arms. He closed them around me and hugged me tightly.
I had to admit that it felt really nice to have him hold me again, to feel his touch. He lightly kissed the top of my head as he held me against his chest.
“I like seeing you in your scrubs. It's kind of hot.” He whispered in my ear. I felt his warm sweet breath on my ear and it made me shudder slightly. I took a deep breath and inhaled his delicious scent.
“Don't even try it Edward.”
“Try what, Bella?”
“Try to seduce me. It's not going to work.” I said as I pulled myself out of his embrace.
“I'm not trying to seduce you. I've missed you. I've missed your touch, your smell, your lips.” He said as he leaned down to capture my lips with his. Don't let him. Don't let him. Stay strong.
I couldn't deny him. I had missed his lips just as much as he missed mine, if not more.
I felt that wonderful jolt of electricity as his lips met mine. After a few moments I felt his tongue slide against my lips. I opened my mouth to him and felt his tongue begin to dance with mine. Pull away. Pull away. Fuck! I can't.
I knew then that I could not control my desire for him and there was no use in fighting it. There was a force beyond my control that was bringing us together.
He finally pulled out of our kiss. His eyes were still closed and he leaned his forehead against mine. “Damn Bella. I've missed you so much. I'm sorry I acted like an idiot.”
“Ditto.” I replied.
He grabbed my hands and led me into the bedroom. I followed behind him hesitantly. When we reached the bed he turned around and released my hands. He looked deep into my eyes and brought his hands up to my neck. He lightly massaged my neck for a few moments and then moved down my arms. He then grabbed the hem of my top and slowly began to lift it over my head. He then ran his fingertips lightly down the front of my chest and over my breasts.
He then bent down and took of my sneakers before reaching up to the elastic at the top of my pants. He slid a few fingers in between the elastic and my skin and he slowly pulled them down and off of me. He ran his hands up my legs and over my butt. He lightly kissed my stomach before standing up. He spun me around and laid me down on the bed.
He stood back up and slowly began to undress for me. His body looked so amazing. He really looked like he had stepped out a Roman museum. I would never tire of watching his naked body.
Once he was completely naked, I met his eyes and reached out my hands for him. “Come here, Edward. I need to feel you now.”
He simply smiled and crawled on the bed in between my legs. I could feel the heat emanating from his body. He bent down over me and captured my lips with his again. I could feel his erection pressing against my wet slit. I wanted him to enter me so badly. I couldn't wait anymore.
I grabbed his butt and pushed his hips into me. I finally got what I wanted, when I felt his erection slid inside of me. It filled me completely and I felt like I was whole.
He continued to thrust into me as we kissed with our eyes open. I couldn't bring myself to close my eyes. I wanted to watch him.
I knew it wouldn't take long for my orgasm to overtake me. I was so easily excited by him that having an orgasm didn't take much time or effort.
“Edward.... you feel so good.....inside of me.”
“Bella...... you are......amazing.”
I felt my whole body warm and felt the surge build inside of me. My orgasm quickly over took me and I shouted “Edward......Edward......Oh My God....... Shit!” I rode out my glorious orgasm and it seemed to make me forget every bad thought I had towards him.
“Damn Bella, I'm not gonna last much longer.” He said as he continued his thrusts.
“Come for me baby.”
After that, he increased his speed and soon he his body was shaking, he was grunting into my hair. He laid on top of me for a few moments before he kissed my lips again. He rolled over on to his side and stroked my cheek gently.
I didn't know where we would go from here. I knew that if we continued our relationship like this, that I would be incapable of ending it. I had truly gotten myself in over my head. And I loved it.