Chapter 24- Already Gone. (Bella POV)
I awoke feeling fully refreshed and like today was the first day of a new life. I was still encompassed in Edward's strong arms. We were laying with our limbs completely entwined with one anthers'. His right arm was under my neck and his left arm was resting around my stomach. My arms were wrapped around his waist and my face was nuzzled against his chest. My right leg was draped across his hips as his left leg sat in between my legs.
I inhaled a deep breath, wondering if he smelled as good in the morning as he did when we went to bed. He did. I placed a light kiss against the center of his chest before pulling my head back and looking at his beautiful face.
He looked so peaceful in his slumber. I could feel his breath on my face as he exhaled. This was how I wanted to wake up everyday. I wanted to be able to look at his face and feel his arms wrapped around me every morning. This was where I belonged, with him.
I didn't want to wake him, so I sat there a while longer and rubbed his back while he slept. My mind was still reeling from last night. I, honestly, felt like I was in a dream. I had never imagined that anything like that would happen to me.
It wasn't about the gifts, although they were beautiful. It was about the thoughts behind them. The fact that he had been buying things that reminded him of me, not knowing if he would ever actually be able to give them to me.
I still couldn't process everything he had confessed to me about his family. I felt honored and privileged that he trusted me with that information when no one in his family knew. I couldn't imagine how hard it was for him to lose both of his parents and then to find out such a huge secret and not be able to tell anyone. He was brave for moving to Chicago to meet Elizabeth and to get to know her. I can't imagine spending five years with her and then to have her die too.
No wonder he hadn't opened his heart to a woman, everyone one he truly loved in his life had died. It made me grateful that I was the one he chose to open his heart to. I would make sure that he knew just how much a woman could love him and how happy two people can be.
We just had one gigantic hurdle to get over before we could start our new life. Emmett was that hurdle. Edward made it seem like breaking up with Em was going to be simple. Like I could just walk in the house, pack up my shit and say “Em, I'm leaving. Have a nice life.” Like there would be no questions or arguing. Did he not know how Em is?
I wanted to end it right. I wanted Em to know that I love him. I'm just not in love with him anymore. It's not even about the fact that both of us cheated on each other. Although, that only solidified that the relationship was definitely over. It was about the fact that we were more like roommates that occasionally had sex with each other.
I found the person that is right for me and I know there is some one out there that is right for him. Maybe that's who he is cheating with. Maybe she is making him see that he is with the wrong person.
I only hoped that he was in some way planning to end the relationship too. That we could in some way be civilized to each other and not make too big of a scene.
I felt Edward's warm lips against my forehead and was brought out of my thoughts.
“Mmm. Good Morning, Love.” He whispered against my skin.
“Good morning it is.” I replied as I tilted my face up to press my lips against his.
“Did you sleep well?” He asked as he gazed in my eyes and ran his fingers through my hair.
“Well doesn't describe it. It's more like amazing.” I saw a huge beautiful smile form across his face. Would looking at him ever get old? Would I ever get tired of him kissing me? I can't ever imagine when I would.
“I know. I love waking up with you in my arms. I've waited so long for this moment. I don't want to move one inch.” His thumb was rubbing light circles on my cheek as he pressed his lips to mine was again.
In all of my mornings with Em, none of them had ever been this enjoyable. This was new territory and I was loving it.
We laid in bed for a while simply kissing, rubbing and looking at each other. It was as if we were both trying to make that moment last. Neither one of us wanted to leave the little world we had created in his bed.
“Are you hungry?” He asked.
“Then let's go downstairs and get some breakfast.” He said before pressing one more kiss against my lips.
“Okay. Let's go.”
We both got up and put our underwear on. He slid on some jogging pants and his house shoes. I realized that I didn't have anything other than the clothes I wore over here. I stood there in my underwear watching him move around the room. Watching the muscles in back contract. His beautiful body always amazed me.
I guess I kind of zoned out because I hadn't even realized he was talking to me.
“Bella, hello?” I heard faintly.
“Oh, what? I'm sorry.” I managed to spit out as I snapped out of my trance.
He chuckled a little. “I asked you if you wanted a shirt or a pair of my boxer shorts to put on?”
“Oh, that would be great.” I reached down to grab my bra and put it on.
He turned around from his dresser with a t-shirt in his hands. “No no no.”
I looked at him questioningly. “No, what?”
“No bra. Not this morning. Please.” As he walked over to me and handed me the shirt.
I let my bra fall from my hand down to the floor. “Okay. If you say so.” I said jokingly.
I put the shirt on and saw that there were no shorts in his hands. “Where are the shorts? Or do you want me to walk around in this shirt and my thongs all morning?” I said sarcastically.
“Shirt and thongs.” He said simply as he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me to him. My arms went up and around his neck as he kissed me. His lips felt so perfect and the way our lips moved with each other was like they were made for each other.
I felt his tongue slide against my lips and his hands slide down to cup my ass and pull me up. I opened my mouth to him and felt his warm smooth tongue press and circle my own.
After a few moments I felt him pull his mouth away. “Let's go downstairs before we get distracted.” He said laughingly. He was right, though. I wasn't sure how long I could kiss him with him gripping my ass and not want to rip his clothes off.
He released the rest of my body and took my hand as he turned around to walk out of the room. I held onto his hand as we walked into the hallway. I noticed that all of the candles were still there. I knew he had gone to blow out the candles last night after our second round of love making. We didn't want to burn the house down just because we were encompassed in our love bubble. Seeing all the candles and rose petals brought back all of the emotions from last night and reminded me just how much this man loves me.
I followed behind him until we reached the kitchen. He walked to the sink and began to wash his hands while I went to the refrigerator to gather the ingredients for our breakfast. I was reaching inside of the refrigerator to grab the eggs when I heard Edward begin to speak.
“Bella, what are you doing?”
“I'm getting the eggs. Why?” I grabbed the egg carton and shut the door. I turned around to find him walking towards me with his hands out.
He shook his head and laughed as he took the carton from my hands. “Haven't you learned anything yet? I'm doing the cooking. Have a seat, please?” He said in a sweet tone.
“Ummm, okay. Well can I at least make the coffee? I don't want to sit here and do nothing.”
“If you must.” He said with a small chuckle.
I started the coffee and he began cracking the eggs and making our omelets. Once he was finished we sat at the island and ate the food in silence.
We didn't always need to fill the silence with words. That was part of the glorious nature of our relationship. I was content with simply looking at him.
“I don't want to do this today.” I said in almost a whisper.
“Do what today?” He asked as he looked at me confused. Did he forget so quickly that I have to end this with Em?
“You know what I have to do today, Edward. I have to break up with Em.” I said as I grabbed our dishes and put them in the sink.
“Oh. I guess I forgot. You know you don't have to go today. You can stay here with me and go tomorrow. Or better yet, you never have to go. We can buy you new clothes and anything that you need.” As he turned on the stool to look at me.
I walked in between his legs and wrapped my arms around his neck. I placed a small kiss on his lips. “I have to go at some point. It's not about the clothes. After all these years I can't just disappear. He deserves for me to at least end it in person. And the longer I put it off the harder it's going to be. I need to just get it over with. That way we can move on.”
“Okay.” He simply replied as he rubbed my lower back.
“I should go take a shower and get dressed. Get this over with already.” I turned to walk up the stairs to his bedroom.
I made my way to the bathroom attached to his bedroom and found the towels. I started the shower and began to undress. My stomach was in knots thinking about what I was going to have to do shortly. I had no idea what I would say to him or how he would react. I didn't want him to hate me once it was over. We had been together too long for us to hate each other. Not that I thought we could be friends but I hoped one day we could at least be around each other without him giving me evil looks.
I stepped in the warm spray and felt the water rush over my skin. I was slowly relaxing in the steam and water. My muscles becoming less tense with each minute. I was only in the shower for about five minutes when I heard the bathroom door open.
I looked to the door of the shower and saw Edward's head pop in. “Do you want some company?” He asked with a sly smile on his face.
“You are relentless. You know that? You do know that if you get in here with me, nothing will get washed and I'll never actually get the nerve up to leave?” I asked him as I reached for the wash cloth.
“I don't see the downside in that scenario. How about I just wash you off. No sex. I promise.” As he gave me his puppy god eyes.
“Fine but I can't promise I won't touch you.” I said to him as he closed the door to the shower and removed his pants. He quickly stepped back in the shower and I could see his perfect form and clear erection. No sex but your dick is already hard? Right.
He took the washcloth from me and squeezed some body wash on to it. He then sat on the bench in the back of the shower and began to wash the front of my body. I allowed my head to fall back and just relish in the feeling of having this man take such care of me.
“Turn.” He commanded. I turned around let the spray wash the soap off of me as he washed my backside. I was getting so turned on. I could feel myself begin to get wet.
Then I felt him push the wash cloth in between my legs and rub my center. I almost collapsed.
I then felt his hands begin to rub up and down my thighs. He knew what he was doing. He knew I wouldn't be able to take it. The water, the heat, the sensations of him washing me was making it too hard to deny him.
I turned around to face him and his hands went to my stomach. His mouth instantly found my right breast and he began to suck my nipple. I was going to explode without him actually penetrating me.
He continued for a while before I felt him drop to his knees and lift my right leg over his shoulder. I felt his tongue slide inside the folds of my pussy. He felt so good. Everything this man did to me was amazing.
“Edward..... I'm not..... gonna.... last....shit!” I panted as I tried to find something to grab a hold of to balance myself on.
“You don't have to. It's all about you.” He said before he dove back in to me.
That was all I needed to quit fighting my orgasm. I relaxed and let it overtake me. I felt the warmth rush through my body and my muscles clinched and twitched. “Oh God...... Edward.... Edward....Fuck!”
He placed one last kiss on my clit before he stood up. “Now that's a good breakfast.” He said as he kissed my lips.
“You are crazy.”
I switched places with him in the shower and stepped out. I dried off and put on the clothes from the day before. As I was putting on my sneakers I saw him step out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel draped around his waist.
I walked over to him and kissed him one last time. “I have to go. I will call you when I'm done.”
“Okay. Bella, please believe me when I say that I want you here with me, always. I'm dead serious. I want to share everyday with you. I love you and if you need me while you are there, just call and I'll be right there. And I know you are probably going to be upset afterward, so I want you to come here. Let me take care of you.” He said as he pulled me in for a hug.
“I love you too and I believe you. I'll call you soon.” I took one last look in his eyes and released him. I turned to walk away. I couldn't look back or I would never leave.
I grabbed my purse from the couch and walked out to my car. I started the engine and put the car in reverse. I started my iPod and tried to find some light music that would ease my mood a little. I needed to relax and quit being so nervous. This was going to have to happen and it would be easier if I could think clearly.
I finally reached the house and saw Em's car in the driveway. I pulled next to it and cut off the engine. I sat in the car for a few moments taking deep breaths. It's now or never. Just do it and get it over with. You can do this. You have to do this.
I opened the car door and stepped out. I shut the door behind me and walked to front door of the house. My heart was beating so fast that it felt like it was going to explode. I was not as ready for this as I thought. I turned the knob and walked in. Em wasn't in the living room or the kitchen. I walked towards the bedroom and heard the radio playing. He's in the shower. Damn.
I walked to the closet and grabbed my suitcase. I started grabbing some clothes and shoes and stuffing anything I could into the suitcase. I heard the water cut off and I knew he would be out here soon and the war would begin. I continued throwing things into the suitcase. I was getting more frantic and nervous by the moment. My stomach was twisted into so many knots that I felt like I was going to be sick.
I finally heard the door open. After a few seconds, I heard Em say “What the fuck?” Then I saw him standing in the doorway of the closet. Fuck! This is it. This is the beginning of hell.
I froze right in the middle of throwing clothes into my suitcases. I didn't even want to look at him. I didn't want to see his face and see his anger. I quit breathing and I swear my heart stopped.
“Bella! What the hell are you doing?” I heard him say as he walked over to me and grabbed my wrists. The force from him squeezing my wrists made me drop the clothes and they fell to the floor.
Fuck fuck fuck!
“Bella, why are you packing everything up? What's going on? Fucking talk to me!” He shouted at me.
I finally brought my head up and looked at his face. His eyes were wide and his brows were scrunched. His mouth was in a tight straight line. His hands were squeezing my wrists so hard that I lost the blood flow to them. If looks could kill then I would have been dead.
“Em, let go of me.” I said harshly. Today was definitely not going to be as easy as Edward thought.
“Fine.” He said as he released my wrists. “Tell me what is going on. Are you leaving me?” He asked with a hurt and confused look on his face.
“Fine. Let's talk. Get dressed first. I'll meet you in the living room.” I said as I walked around him and out of the bedroom.
“Uhh. Okay.” I heard him say under his breath.
I walked into the living room and sat on the couch. My mind was racing. I had no idea how to start this conversation. He was already pissed and confused. Could he really not see it coming? Was he really that oblivious to everything? Did he think our relationship was working the way it was?
After a minute, he walked into the living room in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. He walked over and sat in the chair across from me. I stared at him for a few moments trying to figure out what to say to him.
“Bella, just tell me. Are you leaving me? Just be honest.” All the anger was gone from his face. He now looked sincere and concerned.
I took a deep breath before I started. “Yes, Em. I'm leaving. I'm sorry.” I said quietly as the tears began to fall down my cheeks. I knew my emotions would get out of control.
“You know why. Em....” I said as I looked down at my hands and wiped away the tears. “I love you but I love you like a brother. I feel like we are room mates that occasionally have sex. We just can't go on like this anymore.”
“Bella, we can get it back. I know we can. Don't leave. Please. I love you. I wanna be with you. Please don't leave me.” He was pleading and his voice sounded so broken. In all the time I've spent with him, I've never heard his voice sound like this.
I was, surprisingly, pissed by what he said. “Em, we've tried to get it back. How much can you want us or me when you don't even come home at night? You stood me up on a date that you planned! I've never stood you up and I've never ever stayed out all night. It was unacceptable and you know it!” I shouted at him harshly. I wasn't trying to place blame on either of us. We both screwed up royally and we were both to blame for ruining our relationship.
“I explained all of that to you. I'm sorry. I do want us. I want you.” I looked up to see his face and he looked as if he was about to cry and it broke my heart. Looking at him made my tears fall even harder.
“Em, it's just over. You know it and I know it. We've just been hanging on because we've been together for so long. I can't do that anymore. It's time we go our separate ways and find the person that's right for us. I'm sorry.” I stated as I got up from the couch and walked over to him. I bent down in front of him and placed my hands on the sides of his face. I placed a light kiss on his forehead. “I'm sorry.” I turned and walked toward the bedroom. My tears were still flowing, my breathing was all over the place, I was a mess. I hated doing this, but I knew it was for the best, I was in love with someone else. I needed to do this for both of us, do what was best for me.
I went into the closet and continued packing my things. I wanted to get the majority of my clothes so that I wouldn't have to come back anytime soon. I could come back when he was gone and get my furniture.
I was almost done when I heard Em walk into the room. I looked over to him. “Bella, I don't want you to leave but if you have to then you have to. I don't know what I'm gonna do without you.”
“Em, you are a grown man, you will be fine. I know there is someone out there that is more right for you then I am. I'm sorry but I promise one day you will thank me for letting you go.”
It was true. Em wasn't a bad guy. He just wasn't the right guy for me. It was time we both moved on in our lives.
I closed my suitcases and wiped the tears from my eyes. I had gathered all I could manage and it was time to finally walk out the door. I had to find the strength to take the final step and walk out of the door. I grabbed the suitcases and started to roll them towards the door. I passed Em and started to cry again.
I made my way to the front door and opened it. I put the suitcases on the porch and turned around to take one last look at the house. I was met with Em's face instead.
“I.....I.... guess this is it.” I stammered. I was unsure of what to say to him at this point. What could I say? He looked so hurt and I doubt there was anything I could say to make him feel better.
“I guess so.” He said softly. His eyes were glassy and his face was filled with so much hurt.
“Bye, Em.” I said somberly as I looked his face one last time and broke into tears, again.
“Bye.” He whispered.
I turned and walked out of the door. I grabbed my suitcases and rolled them out to the car. As I opened the trunk to load the suitcases, I looked at the front door and saw Em still standing there looking at me in a daze. I felt so bad for what I had just done but I was thankful he didn't know about Edward. It seemed as if he was hurt enough by me leaving; I didn't need to add insult to injury.
I finished loading the car and got in and shut the door. I started the engine and backed out of the driveway. As soon as I was out of the driveway, I lost it. I began sobbing so hard that I could barely breathe. I wasn't crying for myself. I was crying because of what I had just done. I was crying because the man I had spent the last few years with was no longer a part of my life.
I pulled over on the side of the road to call Edward.
“Bella, are you okay?” Edward answered.
I couldn't even respond. I just kept sobbing into the phone. I didn't know where I was going. I knew Edward wanted me to come there but I still wasn't sure about it. At this point, it was either a hotel or Edward's. I thought the decision would be clear but it wasn't. I wasn't sure if was ready to live with another man so soon. But this isn't just any man, it's my Edward. The Edward that had opened his entire world to me.
I had a tough decision to make. Where do I go now?