My mind was racing as I sat on the edge of my bed. It felt like I had been up here waiting on her for days. I had only came upstairs when I saw that she was pulling in the driveway. In all actuality, it had only been about thirty minutes. I couldn't control my thoughts. Did I go too far with all of this? Was is too much too soon? Would she think I was trying to buy her love? Would she think that all I have is money to throw around? Would she think I was that shallow? Would she believe me when I told her all of these things tonight? Would she walk out on me again?
Until this night, I've never been insecure about anything in my life. I've never been so afraid of being rejected but the fact that she has rejected me twice before was killing my self esteem.
I need her to know how much she means to me. I need her to understand that I will do anything for her.
I need to her to know that I realize I was wrong and that I want to make it right. I want her. I want her all to myself. I want her without Emmett. I want to wake up with her everyday. I want to spend everyday showing her how much I love her.
I had to calm myself down. I knew she was here. I had heard the doors opening and closing and I knew she was following the notes. She hadn't given up on me yet. I finally heard her footsteps getting closer to the door. My heart beat instantly raced when I heard her pull down the last note on the front of my bedroom door.
I stood up and closed my eyes. I inhaled a few deep breaths and attempted to relax. I needed to be calm when she opened the door. I needed to be able to say everything I wanted to say calmly.
I heard the knob begin to turn and I turned to face the door. My pulse was racing as I waited to see her face. Once the door was fully open I could see what I've been missing for so long. The soft light from the candles in the room was just enough for me to see her striking features. She hadn't seen me yet. She was looking around the room. She was looking at the dozens of red and pink roses that lined the room. She was seeing the huge candles that I had strategically placed in the room. She finally noticed the small table and two chairs I had set up towards the back corner of the room. There were two plates filled with honey glazed salmon on a bed of rice. There were two champagne glasses and a bottle of champagne in the center.
I stood behind the table with my hands clasped behind my back. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. It was like seeing her for the first time. She was so beautiful without even trying. She didn't need the fancy clothes or even make up. She was naturally stunning in a pair of jeans and a shirt.
She finally noticed me standing behind the table and I heard her gasp. I automatically wondered if it was a good gasp or a bad gasp. Her hand went to cover her mouth and the other hand went to her stomach. My eyes met hers and her eyes looked glassy. Like she had been crying. I didn't want her to cry. I was trying to make her happy.
I walked over to her without breaking my eye contact with her. I reached out my hands to her, hoping she would allow me to embrace her. At least, hoping she would hold my hands. After a few seconds, she removed her hands from her mouth and stomach and put her hands inside of mine. I immediately felt the electricity that I had been missing. It was amazing that something as simple as hand to hand contact could bring so much electricity.
We continued to look into each others' eyes for a few moments. I didn't want to turn away from her. I didn't want to look at anything else. Nothing else compares to her. She is all I would ever need. I gently rubbed small circles on the tops of her hands with my thumbs. I wasn't sure if I was trying to comfort her or myself.