Sunday, August 2, 2009
Chapter 15- Unpredictable
“Can I get my tab? Please?” I frustratedly asked the bartender. I pinched the bridge of my nose with one hand and pulled out my wallet with the other hand. Tonight had not gone the fucking way I wanted it to, at all.
“Here ya go. Let me know when you're ready to pay.” The bartender quickly said to me.
I picked up the bill and wasn't really shocked at how much it was; almost four hundred dollars. We all know Emmett can drink his weight in alcohol. Alice can drink more for her size than you would think. Rosalie had been drinking like it was water. I didn't see Jasper drink anything but soda. Then Bella. My Bella. She had gotten entirely too drunk. I didn't like to see her that way.
My only intention for the whole night was simply to see her and be around her. I knew the only way I could see her was to have a group outing. There was no way we could meet again. Not two nights in a row. I thought it would be a nice gesture to treat everyone to a night out. They had all welcomed me into their group of friends so easily. I didn't want to invite Rosalie but I knew that would be rude. She is friends with everyone. Hopefully she could get over our failed date and we could be civilized to each other. Then she gets here and is basically shoving her tits in my face. Could she really think she still had a chance?
I wanted to tell her 'Move the fuck on bitch. You are not Bella.' but I could never say that out loud. So I sat there and listened to her ramble on about nothing when all I wanted to do was sneak glances at Bella. She looked so beautiful in that dress. That shade of blue looked amazing against her complexion. Every time I looked past Rose and over to everyone else, Bella had her back to me and at the time I couldn't understand why. Why wouldn't she look at me anymore? It was seriously fucking with my head. Last night was a night I would never forget. She had to know that. How could she not know that?
“Here ya go. Keep the change. Thanks for everything tonight.” I handed her the cash and turned to walk out of the bar.
Everyone had already left. Jasper had volunteered to take everyone home. I told him that I would get my own ride. I didn't want to be stuck in a car with Bella and Rosalie. I could see it now. Bella sitting with Emmett and his hands all over her while Rose was damn near trying to rape me. I didn't want to see that at all. The thoughts of Emmett's hands on Bella was very unsettling. I knew she would have to continue with a sexual relationship with him but I didn't want to see it or think about it.
I called for a cab and sat on a bench outside of the club while I waited. I couldn't stop thinking about Bella. I knew what was bothering her, the fucking dancing. Did she think I wanted to dance with Rosalie? I only danced with her because she basically pulled me out to the floor. I wanted to be decent to Rosalie and I didn't think Bella would take it personally. After all she was here with her boyfriend; my cousin. What the fuck was I supposed to do? Tell Rosalie that I couldn't dance with her because I had just had amazing sex with Bella last night? No fucking way.
I couldn't believe Bella brought Emmett out on the floor to dance. It didn't bother me at first. Then I saw Emmett's hands grabbing Bella's tits and I wanted to rip his hands off. I've never in my life been jealous of another man but in that moment I was completely jealous and envious of Emmett. He had her all day everyday and the best I could hope for was a few hours here and there. I couldn't take her on dates or on vacations or even spend the whole night with her. He could do all of those things with her and was completely taking it for granted.
It was in that moment that I decided I had to let her go. I had to make her see what an asshole I really am. Make her see what a player I am. Make her think last night was a one time thing. It was for her own good. She loves Emmett and he loves her. The best thing for me to do is to make her hate me. So, I started to pretend to enjoy myself with Rosalie. I let her grind on me and touch and rub on me. I needed Bella to see it and decide that I was no good for her.
It was clear she was trying to make me jealous and it worked but I could not sit around and play childish games with her. The dance with Rosalie started innocently but I made it seem like there was more to it when Bella began her drunken games.
I was sacrificing my own wants and desires for her peace of mind. Without me should could go back to her happy little life with Emmett and not have to lie to him.
I thought I was doing the right thing until last call came and she drank three shots back to back and then disappeared. Emmett came over to say thanks but Bella never did.
I thought she would come tell me goodbye and I could at least get one last hug. One last smell of her hair. One last shot of electricity. It wasn't until I saw everyone walk out the door that I knew I had made the wrong decision. I wasn't helping her; I was hurting her. Deep down I didn't want her to think she was just a fling or that she didn't mean anything to me.
The truth was she had made me feel more alive on the inside than any other woman ever had. I needed to talk to her and let her make the decision for herself. She needed to decide if she wanted to see me or not. I thought if I made her not want me it wouldn't hurt as bad. I was wrong. It hurt like hell.
When in the fuck did I become incapable of making a fucking decision? Make her hate you; no make her love you. Love her; leave her. Why does she do this to me? I barely know her and I swear I can't live without her. What the fuck?
I sat there on that bench for what seemed like fucking endless hours. In reality it had only been about twenty minutes. I couldn't make a fucking decision on what to do about her. I want her so badly but I don't want to hurt my cousin. I never should've fucking started this shit. I should've just ignored the attraction.
Finally, the taxi arrived. I climbed in and gave my address to the driver. It was late and I was confused. I was hoping to get home and get some sleep and wake up with a new perspective in the morning. Maybe Bella would text me and let me know what she's thinking. Probably not but I had to hope.
The driver pulled into my neighborhood and as we turned the corner onto my street I noticed a car in front of my house. It was a car I didn't recognize. As we got closer to my house I noticed a sticker on the back of the car that indicated it was a rental. Who the fuck is at my house at four in the morning in a fucking rental car?
We pulled into the driveway and I paid the driver. I exited the car and walked down my driveway to the unknown car.
My heartbeat was racing. No one even knows where I live. I couldn't fucking fathom who would be in the car.
I approached the car and noticed someone laid back in the drivers seat with a coat over their head. I tapped on the drivers side window. I wasn't gonna have random people sitting in front of my house.
After a few taps on the glass the coat began to move.
“Who the fuck are you and why are you in front of my house?” I shouted at the car.
Finally the coat was removed and I couldn't fucking believe who it was. Motherfucker! This is a fucking joke? Right God? You can't be serious!
“Edward? Oh my God! Where have you been all night?” Tanya squealed at me as she started to get out of the car.
I moved out of the way and let her exit the car. She immediately wrapped her arms around me and kissed my cheek. I just stood there in complete disbelief.
She finally released me from her embrace.
“What are you doing here Tanya?” I asked roughly.
“I missed you. I wanted to see you. Is that a crime?” She had the biggest shit eating grin on her face.
I couldn't believe she was really here. Why would she come down here when I won't even answer her calls? Women are really fucking baffling me lately.
I couldn't deny that she looked good but then again I haven't been away from her that long. The last time I saw her was when we broke up in Chicago.
“It's late as hell Tanya. You should've told me you were coming.” I said as I started to walk towards my front door.
I heard her following behind me. “I did tell you. I left you a message.”
Fuck! That must have been the messages I didn't bother to listen to. I'm gonna have to actually start listening to those damn things.
“Oh.” I said as I opened the door to my house. She walked in right behind me. “Well come on in Tanya. Make yourself at home.” I said sarcastically.
“Wow! Eddie, this is a beautiful house. If I had known...” She began to trail off as she visually raped my house.
“If you had known I was gonna have such a nice house, you would have wanted to move with me? Right?” I interrupted her as I sat down on the couch.
“Well, maybe.” She responded as she started to walk towards me.
Tanya definitely works my nerves but she was the closest thing I had to love; before Bella. I didn't think I still had feelings for her. She really changed my view of her when we broke up.
She stood in between my legs, looking down at me. She bent over and ran her hands up my thighs. I quickly pushed them away.
“What are you doing Tanya? You didn't want to uproot your life for me remember? Don't act like you want me now.”
She looked hurt. “I've always wanted you Eddie.”
“Don't call me Eddie. You know I hate that shit.” I really did hate it but I was also trying to be a hard ass. She had hurt me by refusing to move down here with me and I refused to let her back in so easily.
She again started to run her hands up my thighs. “Edward, you know I still love you. I loved you then. I love you now.” She was now eye to eye with me. “I thought I could let you go. That my life in Chicago was too important. I didn't realize that I don't have a life without you. This time without you has been terrible.”
It's too late now. Bella has shown me the light and you are not in it.
Who the fuck am I kidding? Bella has a boyfriend. Has been with him for years. Why did I think she would leave him for me? Why did I think I could ever be more than a fling for her? Maybe it was all lust. Maybe Tanya is who I should be with.
She straddled herself on my hips and ran her fingers through my hair as she leaned in to kiss my neck. I couldn't deny that it felt good.
I could do all of the things with Tanya that I couldn't do with Bella.
It would never work with Bella anyways. We couldn't be together even if she dumped Emmett. Everyone would know that we had been lying.
“Tanya, you can't just show up here and expect me to welcome you with open arms.” I said as she continued to place light kisses along my neck line.
“I know Edward. I'm going to show you how much you mean to me. I'm going to be the woman you want me to be. Just give me another chance. Please?”
Fuck me! What that fuck do I do now? I thought I was confused before. Now I have no fucking clue. I thought Tanya had forgotten about me. I didn't know she would show up out of the fucking blue.
“Tanya, even if I wanted to give you another chance. How would it work? You still live in Chicago. I live in Atlanta. We gonna do a long distance relationship?”
She sat up and looked into my eyes; still running her fingers through my hair. “Baby, we can make this work. I will do whatever needs to be done to fix this.”
Really? She really wanted to do this? Could I even do this?
“You have to realize that I am not moving back to Chicago. This is my home. Chicago was temporary. If this works, are you going to move down here?” She didn't want to leave Chicago before and I needed her to know that I wouldn't be coming back to Chicago. I had been without my family long enough. This was my home.
“I know. I know. I promise if you give me another chance, when the time comes I will make the move. For you. For us.” It almost sounded as if she was pleading with me.
“I'll think about it Tanya. I need to sleep on it.”
“Okay. That's acceptable. I understand. Thank you.” Then she kissed my lips.
I was unsure of how to react but it felt nice. It felt comfortable.
I pulled out of the kiss. “Do you have a hotel room?” I asked her.
“Well, I was sort of hoping to stay with you.” She said shyly.
“Speaking of, how did you know where I live?” I asked her. I really wanted to fucking know.
“You know I have my ways. The internet is a very useful tool.”
“Figures. Well it is late and I'm tired.” I said as I pushed her to the side of me and onto the couch. “I am gonna go to bed but there is a spare room on the second floor. You are welcome to use it.” I couldn't let her drive around in a new city at five in the morning.
I began to walk up the stairs. My room is on the third floor and I didn't want her in my bed tonight. My mind was too clouded and she would only try to have sex with me.
“Okay. Good night Edward. I love you.”
I didn't even respond. This night had been more than I fucking bargained for and although I do still have feelings for her, I wasn't going to tell her I loved her.
I made it to my bedroom and locked the door behind me. I removed my clothes as I walked toward the bathroom. Leaving my clothes lying all over the floor. I needed to take a shower and relax my body for a while.
I started the shower and when it was warm I climbed in. I let me head fall back and felt the water run down my tense muscles. I sat down on the bench in the back of the shower and let the steam surround me.
What am I going to do now? Was Tanya serious? She was dead set against coming to Atlanta and now she wants to do whatever I say? This wasn't her. She wasn't the type to do what I wanted. She always did what she wanted.
Could I get back together with her and forget about Bella?
She couldn't expect to me to sit around and wait for her; could she? Would I if she wanted me to?